You're My New Nightmare || n.h

Chapter 32 - "I'm not going anywhere."

"Why do you do it?" He mumbled and carefully laid his weight upon me.

It only took a couple of second for me to feel like shit. Just a minute ago everything was cool and quiet between us. And now he's seen my scars and I couldn't even tell him why they exist. I was too close to crying out loud and that's the last thing I want to put him through right now. He hates it when I'm crying, so I turned my head towards the window and tried to blink the tears away.

"Olivia, look at me." He said and gently turned my head back towards him.

"I wanna die." I mumbled and the first couple of tears left my eyes, from after been burning under my eyelids for a few moments.

He flipped us over so he could hold me instead of me holding him.

In just a few seconds I was crying hysterically in his arms. I was crying so much that my entire body was shaking and it was impossible for me to breathe normally. He rubbed my back, pressing me upon his chest and told me to calm down.

"Everything's gonna be okay." He told me. "You just need to go see a doctor and they'll help you."

"I don't wanna go to the hospital." I sobbed. "I can fix this myself."

"No, you can't. I thought I could get through it myself too, but it was so bad I needed fucking pills to survive."

"I'm just so scared. You're the first person who's noticed them." I hiccupped.

He kissed my head. "And I'll be the last one because you're going to stop."

"It's not that easy." I said, raising my hand to wipe away my tears even though they wouldn't stop running.

"I know." He mumbled. "I used to self harm as well. But things will get easier if you ask someone for help."

I pushed his arms away and quickly crawled up from his bed.

"No! I won't be that girl who has to ask someone for help to be happy. I can take care of myself."

"Olivia." He sighed, reaching for my hand to pull me back into his arms.

"It's just a lot going on in school right now. I'm probably just stressed. Wanna watch a film? I'll go put one on."

I quickly crawled over his bed and rushed to the living room. My chest was aching and my cheeks were feeling numb from all the crying. I still had trouble breathing and I fumbled with the movie case while trying to open it.

"You have to calm down before we can watch a film." Niall said behind me.

I flinched by his voice because I didn't hear him following me into the living room. He tried taking the case from me, but I pulled away quickly.

"No, I'm fine." I said with a forced laugh.

"Babe, give me the movie and sit down on the couch before you explode." He calmly said, gently gripping onto my elbow.

"No!" I yelled.

He wrapped one of his arms around my waist and snatched the film case out of my hands.

"Listen to me." He said, forcing me to look at him. "You need to see a doctor about this. You're a fucking mess right now. This isn't normal. You need help, whether you like it or not. I'm not just gonna sit here and watch you destroy yourself!"

"Why can't you let me do that? I hate myself and I want to die. No one would even notice if I was gone one day anyway!" I cried, ignoring how ugly I must be right now.

"How dare you even say that?" He asked, slightly raising his voice. "What about all of your friends? Do you think they would just move on with their lives? Fuck no! They would be miserable without you around, just like Franklin and Scarlett would be. They would miss having a sister to eat breakfast with. Your parents would have to bury their child, which is the hardest thing a parent will ever do! And what about me, Olivia? How do you think I would feel, knowing that you ended your life when you were the only reason I didn't end mine? I would forever feel guilty for not helping you survive this!"