So you want a Review (SYWAR)

*Review 15*

MyaR_Love

Review, Reviews~~~

Okay, today was supposed to be my sleep in day, but I tossed that idea out...when I remembered I'd actually said I was going to do two reviews today lol.... *shakes head* I be planning my schedule like I enjoy work. Pfft.

Anyway this one is back to the favorite of mine bwwm...this author is popular this story itself has 78k reads...and I'm sure I'm about to piss off a bunch of so-called lovers (if you don't know what that means check out Review Eti)

LET BEGIN THE TORTURE MUAHAHAHA!

The first sentence...hmmm I don't know what's wrong with it...it's as if it should have been more like.

Babysitting on my day off, ugh. Despite my duties I had my feet up on the coffee table, and my eyes focused on the T.V. Sorry kiddies, but your babysitter needs a moment to relax.

Something like that, it's nice that we're learning that this girl is actually living the real struggle, working but not having a car is something that a lot of people deal with.

Yet~~~it cliché, to these billionaire stories. Basically it's some girl who needs saving, and some wealthy good looking prince swoops down and picks her up. It's nice, and makes your heart warms, but if it's not done right to the cliché formula, or deviated enough to be an interesting spin it's just, well cliché.

I don't know if it's me but there are sentences here and there that are written as if the author got confused in which viewpoint she was writing, first person, or omnipotent. Have where there should have been had, or 's or 'ed's missing. Standard stuff, that makes my head hurt though I'm not at all concerned about grammar.

Side note: If you're trying to tell a story from a character's view, and the they speak in Ebonics. Remember only write their actual conversation's like that, don't do it for the narration it makes for a hard read. (Purely my opinion)

LMAO, my sister would be beat if she left her kids with me, and didn't ask me beforehand. Tsk, I would have no choice, but when we saw each other it would be on.

"I slipped into bed, and fell asleep. My dreams were consumed with Mr. Green eyes."

Instead of preface 1 and 2, why not 'His' and 'Hers'. I think that would've been cooler. Umm—why Absolutely? It's such a weird, and noticeable word to use, for a sophisticated business man to use.

Also *clears throat* You don't need him to brag about his wealth...the book is titled BILLIONAIRE.

I am not going to rewrite another sentence. I will highly suggest the writer go back, and reread her first three chapters ALOUD, and then correct some of them. It's not horrible, I've seen worse but a few changes add a word, take out a word...fix the present tense with past, and BOOM, we won't have any problems.

The Dialouge when Xavier is speaking to his mother way, way~~too stuffy. It's like the writer is trying to write dialogue for the wealthy character, but it's too much.

(Here I go writing another one, lol) EXAMPLE:

"Hello?"

"Well, Hello dear." He mothers voice was smooth, yet filled with humor as she continued to speak, "I swear it seems as if I haven't heard from you in forever. Are you still the eldest son of our family, or has your father denounced you without telling me?"

Xavier rolled his eyes at his mother's dramatics, "You know as well as I, that I've been busy."

"Hah! Busy?! I've been begging you to set a date with the one women I find tasteful, and you've yet to do so."

Xavier had no intention of offering a ring to Trinity. He wished his mother would let it go already, "We've spoken about this, I do not wish to marry her."

His mother scoffed, "You're being as hard headed as your father."

"Who married you out of love." Xavier added.

"That was different." Was his mother's swift rebuttal.

I sorta kinda like how they met, but I wish there was more of a 'scene' or more...more, something.

Umm, how does she have real diamonds on a bag, but no money for a car....umm yeah. Lol *smh*

Okay, here we are~~I read the two preface and first chapter, followed by the desire to continue but I stopped so I wouldn't ruin the book for you lol.

Truthfully speaking, this is the most popular type of story online. Romance!!! YOOT YOOT. I suggest that the author go back to the beginning and work on some of the formatting, and correct some of her sentences. I know, it's sucks to have to go back when you're so far ahead.

Honestly the story isn't bad, but I feel like it gets better later on. It's what I would call a slow starting story, despite the swiftness of attraction that occurs in it...SO I suggest this as a fluff read, but not the cutesy type, the sexy type.

If you have a craving for sexy men and women, getting together and you're at home eating chips and such this is the story for you!!! Should you only believe me??! HECK NO!! Go out there and check out MR. BILLIONAIRE

Now go get your sexy on~~!

SYWAR HONESTY OUT!!!

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