Reviews are like caffeine to a coffee addict, and slowly but surely I'm getting addicted to judging peoples work. >.< It's turning into my thing.
Anyway This one will probably touch mostly on the first chapter WHY?!! Because this author from a glance over needs to adjust their first chapter.... I mean break it down for us simple people.
Okay, enough!! LETSZ BEGIN!!!
Okay, we got ourselves a cover that.... Doesn't make me want to click at all, *frowns* if your going to compete for attention with the NEAR THOUSANDS of Vamp stories your cover needs to be something~~~that draws people in *pursed lips* "Something dat' makes the man wanna feel uuu~up, Si?"
Side note punks: People the sad thing is that, if you don't give it to the people in a way that the people can easily digest it, they will avoid it!!!
OOOKAY? Good! Got it, Good!
Next up...only a two sentence summary *Cough* umm you have to be very-very confident to just give a two sentence summary, I mean at least two paragraphs would make me at least click the PLAY button.* cough hack, gasp* Okay, enough coughing.
Mo~oving on...Yes, I actually went and pressed PLAY, OOOH!!
I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR EXCUSES!!! *clears throat* This is one of my pet peeves when the author tells me why I should really, really read whatever is coming up, and not complain, because somehow, some way it's going to matter later >.> First of all~~~Don't tell me what to do *Sticks tongue out* And further more if you have to explain it, something is wrong....*Smirks* an author shouldn't have to explain, there story should do it for them, basically it's your job...no. excuses.<<<<<PERIOD!
OOOH, He can write Guurrrlll *Smacks lips* Nothing more attractive than a man that can turn a phase. SoOO~~action, Vampire, guy and girl ...uhuh...yeaaaaaas *blinks*
Why is this mere intro to a transition so long??! SHORTEN IT!!
I know, I know it's somehow going to be ironic, or interesting, or blah blah later, but if you're trying to get people on WATTPAD to at least finish the first chapter, break this thing apart or shorten the scene, (that you yourself said people complain about) Take it out! (if you want to.)
It won't ruin your story, trust me...trust this layman reviewer. IT WON'T.
VORSHACK...is a cool name by the by.
But. BUT why are your paragraphs soooo~long~~~?! It makes it a burden to read. That's not good, I always have to remind myself to go back and break the paragraphs for people. Or they will spend there time reading long, blocks of information rather than seeing the delicate picture your trying to build... Though exploding vamps aren't delicate. Lol
2 ½ pages of a scene that could have ended waaaa~y earlier, and I wouldn't feel like my head exploded with unneeded information. Ugh.
Apparently everyone else had wonderful, flowery words for this author. And I won't disagree about the whole, "GREAT WRITING" part this writer is amazing, bruh and if you're a guy, or like me a girl with a slightly darker taste it's a good story. But. BUT, the author is giving too much work to his readers.
It takes 20 MINUTES to read the first chapter...suuuure, that seems like nothing but think about it if you split a scene, or take away an "uneeded" part then a reader only has to spend 10 to fifteen minutes on it, and less time on one chapter means they'll go to the next chapter faster...HMMMM, interesting isn't it.
Also, the tags are way over. Gore, there isn't a point to have that tag. Vampire and Adventure that's it, and maybe Mature...if you have a lot of sex, but the rest can go and you would be pulled out of the dark side (It does exist, ppl!) of WATT PAD.
TAGS are for finding your story, the more tags the less likely ppl will find it. Just put the warnings in the summary, (that should be longer) or make the story mature...that's it...*narrows eyes* got it? Good!
THIS.AUTHOR. IS. GOOD! I'm annoyed that he doesn't have more reads, like low key his use of words to describe the drive up to the mansion is on point, but because of the thick ass paragraphs I want to groan....simple, very simple things are making this story hard to get tooo like Cover (change it!, I don't care that you thinks it's intense, and blah blah give, R'L stines covers are the key, or maybe something a little bit dark fantasy but not NASTY. Longer Summary, I can't care for two sentences, give the reader more!!
Side not (yeah, I'm doing it): I actually reading the second chapter...*narrows eyes on screen* SOCCERY!!!
SEPARATE THE FREAKING PARAGRAPHS!!!ARRRRRRRGH!!
I know. I know. People are telling you its good, and so forth and so on, but the formatting must be redone so it's a comfortable read. I like this, I like the flow, the two friend's relationship. The realistic conversations they share that have the tinge of awkward communication and humor, that I love but..but, every time I come to one of those gigantic paragraphs I want to toss in my rake, and towel and hat.
TO EVERY AUTHOR ON THE WATTPAD!! We, the readers have to read this on our phone, ipad, computer and so forth...it's annoying to have to squint or stare at a screen with narrowed eyes to see Every single freaking word. Make it easier on us readers and separate sentences, with dialogue from just general description.... huff huff, RANT OVER!!!!
Rick is that friend that gets you in trouble lol, he's leading this dude straight to the main plot bruh. lol
Umm, as I read I kinda feel like the main character is a woman...I don't know what it is, but there is a feminine feel to the narration, though I know it's a man...maybe the gender should change hmm, Idea right!
Anywa...Y! Moving forward, this story is actually pretty good. I know I ranted more on the appearance than the view, but that's because the story is solid, and I actually would like to read more...not going to, till this person fixes the paragraphs I don't like squishy-squashy words people.
The characters are REAL people and that's an amazing achievement, when I don't hate characters right off the bat. (I'm known for throwing books across the room...it happened.)
With that said, this book is perfect for those girls who love "Real" Vampire stories, not twilight and starry, shine brightly love-dovey make me barf stuff....I think I may have over vocabularied that. Anyway, I suggest this book for those who enjoy Jim Butcher, or Steven King. It's a little lighter, but that, I think ,is what makes it good.
I suggest this book, for when you're at home and you're going through a gothic/ grunge moment but you don't want to spend money at Hot Topic (Why would you anyway? Gross. Make your own clothes, that's really Gothic people). Instead grab your phone and flick to this story, like warm skeleton patterned blanky..(I have one and it's warm, looove it) BLOOD!! Check it out, this person is really good at writing.
Should you only go by my judgement, nope!!! Go and Check out Blood, and argue against me in Comments if you feel, for or against it...Check it out!!! As usual I made it to chapter 3, and to stop spoilers I ejected myself...soooo~~~go and read it, brats!!
SYWAR Honesty OUT!!
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