The End Diary - completed

Day 42

Before Carly opened her mouth at lunch, I knew she was going to say something about Adam. Since the party, any conversation I had with her revolved around him. If I tried to bring up our moment of eye contact, she dodged it. She never mentioned the laughter we shared, and she certainly avoided talking about the strangeness of the evening. I ignored it best I could. Carly was my friend, and if she didn't want to acknowledge what happened, then I wouldn't either.

"Adam wants to go on a date," she said, unpacking her lunch bag. Her violet nails made the brown paper bag look more simplistic.

"So go." The sentence sounded more annoyed than I had intended.

"I don't know if I want to." She inched closer to me, dropping her voice. "His lips weren't as soft as I thought they would be. I had this whole... romantic idea of what the kiss was supposed to feel like. Fireworks, all the buzzers and glory, but none of that happened." She shrugged.

"Maybe that's because you were making out on a stinky couch reeking of drunk boy body odor at a high school party. Go on a stupid date. What will it hurt?" I shoved some of my pasta salad in my mouth, slowly chewing the onions. Maybe if I ate more garlic and onions, the whole world would start to ignore me again.

At the time, I craved to be invisible again. Hearing about Carly's plans with Adam was like a knife in my gut. It'd be easier to be ignored again. It'd be easier to endure any of Deirdre's teasing. It'd be easier to be alone.

Carly rolled her eyes, placing her hand on my arm. Her hand was so hot, it seared my skin. "Maybe we could do something fun instead. A movie? My treat?"

I swallowed, narrowing my eyes at her fingers curled around my arm. Glancing up at Carly's face confirmed my suspicions. The words coming out of her mouth were placations at best. She didn't mean it, not in the way I wanted her to.

"Whatever," I said, shaking her hand off. "You want an excuse to get out of dating him because you realized Adam's a huge—"

"A huge what?" Adam said, sliding into the seat next to Carly. Oliver stood behind him, his eyes boring straight through me. The look on his face made me want to squirm, but Adam's eyes reflected curiosity unlike his friend's.

Carly cast me a sidelong glance and took over the conversation. "Partier." A smirk twitched on the side of her lips, but her eyes showed her frazzled nerves.

"Guilty, but you know, if you want me to change, I could." Adam winked, and I wanted to puke my onion-filled pasta salad all over him.

Okay, this might seem unfair. Adam isn't the bad guy. Well, he kind of is. I mean, we've never gotten along, but as far as Carly is concerned, I suppose we're both protective of her. My therapist says I need to get over my hatred for Adam as part of the healing process... Whatever that means. But honestly, if Adam understood the truth, we might be able to bury the metaphorical hatchet. It's his blindness to the inherent situation that creates the dissonance between us. It has nothing to do with me.

For the sake of this story, I should probably stick to how I felt in the moment. I was annoyed and frustrated, and I wanted my friendship with Carly to go back to being us. Only us. We had known each other for a little over a month, and I felt closer to her than anyone else in my life.

Things had been better before Adam.

"If I asked you to change for me, and you did, then you're even worse than I thought." Carly stuck her tongue out, but grinned at him with too much teeth. "Maybe you need some surgery to repair your spine."

Adam laughed, scrunching his eyes like he did whenever he was hitting on a girl. Maybe to most girls, it made him seem more innocent. "Ouch, Carly. That hurts." His smile made her laugh, and he laughed in return.

Oliver sat across from me, looking back and forth between Carly and me. I rolled my eyes and shoved some more food into my mouth, trying to ignore him. If I continued eating forever, I'd never have to talk again.

"You should have said yes when you had the chance," Oliver said, matter-of-fact.

"What?" I glared at him.

"To me."

"You never asked me a question, just sat there like you already owned me. It was gross."

"Well, now you're going spend all weekend thinking about them." Oliver looked pointedly at Carly and Adam, so involved in each other with giggling and smiles that neither noticed our conversation. "How you feel is more disgusting. You know that, right? Me hitting on you, that's normal, Megan. And you—"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize what this was really about. You're upset I turned you down. Numerous times." I stabbed my fork into a piece of rotini and bit it in half.

"Do I have to say it?" Oliver asked, dropping his voice. "You're a fuc—"

I knocked my milk over the table, watching as the white mess poured over Oliver's lap. Kindergarten all over again. Jumping up from my seat, I spouted mock apologies, running to grab napkins. I came back and shoved them at him.

"I'm so sorry, Oliver. Oh my goodness, I'm so clumsy." My words sounded viciously sweet, but my eyes continued to glare fire at him.

He stood up, watching the milk drip off his pants. Oliver scowled. "You're a cunt."

Carly smacked him. It happened so fast, I hadn't seen her get up from her chair. The cafeteria went quiet, so quiet the slap echoed off the walls. The teachers who oversaw our lunch chose that moment to pay attention to our table. Carly's face burned red, and her glasses fogged.

"You are a jerk, Oliver Muske. And if I hear you say one more terrible word to her ever again, I will destroy you. You understand? I will cut you in half, throw you on top of burning coals, and eat whatever flesh that doesn't taste like the piece of shit you are." Carly turned toward Adam. "And you better put some reins on your boy if you want a second chance at this."

One of the gym teachers—Miss Quate—came up to the table, stepping in between Carly and Oliver. The pointed look on her face expressed how much trouble my best friend was in. Carly rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, detention, principal's office, whatever." She shrugged, turned, and stalked out of the cafeteria, fists clenched at her sides. Miss Quate trailed after her with a look of resignation.

Adam let out a frustrated breath. "Oliver, do you have to ruin everything?"

I have to give Adam this moment. I hate remembering the halfway decent things he did, because he seemed to mess my life more than he helped, but he turned to me with a weak smile on his face. He was trying.

"Do you need anything, Megan?" His voice was light.

I shook my head, looking down at my feet. Carly was getting carted off to the office when this fight had been between Oliver and me. I should have said something. I should have stood up for her.

"I'm fine. Thanks." I shoved my lunch into my bag and took off, headed for my next class. The last thing I wanted was to spend another minute with the guy who was taking my best friend away from me and the soggy, milk-soaked asshole.