Kill Me Romantically: A Davekat Fanfiction

Chapter 11: A Book of One Thousand Apologies

By the time Karkat arrives at your spot on the roof, you are already there. You're no longer wearing that horrid jacket. Instead, you use it as a pillow as you stare up at the stars. Karkat takes a seat beside you. "Hello."
You look up at him and smile gently. "Hello."
"I saw you talking to my dad," he comments.
"He's fun to talk to. We talked about one of your romantic stories," you murmur as you begin mapping out the constellations.
"Which one?" He asks, quirking an eyebrow.
You glance over at him. "I can't remember," You mutter, looking back at the sky.
"Do you remember what it was about?" He persists.
"Uhm... A fuchsia blood, a violet blood, and an indigo blood."
His ears lower and he frowns. "Oh. Yeah. That's a good one..."
"I... didn't like it," you confess. "Not really."
"I don't think we should dance around what's really on our minds, do you?" He asks bluntly, following your gaze and staring up at the stars.
You look over at him again. "And what would that be?"
"Don't be coy. You've been thinking about me as much as I've been thinking about you."
"But I'm not supposed to," you mutter.
"Neither am I, but this is our last night together," the prince counters.
With a sigh, you sit up. "Alright, don't comment on this then," you say as you hug him.
He nods, hugging back. "I won't..."
"I love you," you whisper as you kiss his shoulder.
He smiles a little, leaning his head against yours. "I love you too, but I don't want to be sad on our last night together. I want to make it count."
You nod in agreement. "Alright. How?"
He's quiet a moment, as if thinking, then he loosens his tie and takes it off. He unbuttons his shirt and climbs over onto your lap, wrapping the tie around your neck and pulling you closer. "I want to make it count," he repeats in a hushed tone.
Your face burns scarlet as you stare at him with wide eyes. "I... Uhm... Well... Okay..." You stammer, blinking repeatedly in shock.
"We don't have to of you don't want to," he reassures you.
"N-No. I want to." You wrap your arms around Karkat's waist and kiss him gently.
He smiles and kisses back, slowly pulling away after a moment, "Good." As his hands travel your body, his lips making their way to your neck, you begin to find yourself falling farther and farther in love with your prince.

~

Karkat lies in your arms, staring at the sky once the two of you had finally calmed down. He wore nothing but the coat draped over your lower halves and a small, tired smile on his face. You look down at Karkat, playing with his hair as he says in a gentle voice, "That was... Incredible..."
You smile and nod, closing your eyes. "Amazing," he smiles.
The troll giggles and blushes. "I'm glad you think so."
You pull him closer and kiss his forehead. "You're amazing."
The prince smiles. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"Are you coming tomorrow?" He asks, sounding a bit worried.
"Of course I am, though it's best if Dirk doesn't see me. I don't want to ruin his mood."
He nods a little. "Thank you. I know it means the world to us both." You stay silent, not wanting to ruin the moment with bullshit comments. "My father wouldn't tell me what you talked about," he continues.
"I told you," you reply, "We talked about your romantic stories."
"I mean besides that," he says with a roll of his eyes.
"You mostly," you admit.
He rests his chin on your chest, looking up at you. "I think I definitely deserve to know now."
"To make a long story short, he's a bit insecure. Most dads are. He's worried that you don't think of him as a dad and that you're not his little baby anymore."
Karkat frowns, looking confused, "I suppose we may not have as many heart to hearts as we used to, but it isn't like we don't talk about things..."
"Maybe that's why. Maybe it's because you don't have heart to hearts anymore. To be quite honest, that guy is pretty good at heart to hearts."
He cracks a small smile, "Oh? Do tell."
"It was almost intimidating at first. For example, when he said, 'I can read you like a book'? Who even wants to be a book? That was scary. And then he just knew the whole situation. Like bam! How did he do that? I didn't know the whole situation and I'm in it!" you exclaim, gesturing wildly with your hands as you speak.
"That's because my class is blood. My family is referred to as the 'blood players'."
"I don't understand." You looked down at him, quirking an eyebrow in confusion.
He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "I know you humans adopted this from us. When a troll is born, we are given a class like our ancestors were. Have you ever heard the story of how our universe was created?"
"No, but please continue."
"In the legend, there were a grand total of 32 heroes. There were twenty-four trolls and eight humans. The first twelve came from a different universe. They came from a place called 'Beforus'. They were the ancestors of the twelve troll heroes who came from Alternia, which was in another universe. Then, there were two groups of humans, both from their own universes respectively. They lived on a planet called 'Earth'. These heroes, the most prominent being the eight humans and the twelve trolls from 'Alternia', had to fight against the greatest known evil to ever plague the cosmos. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe they called him Lord English. These heroes received special powers to aid them in their quest. Each had their own class. My ancestors were the Knight of Blood and the Seer of Blood. Now, when we're born, a teal blood, which is part of the 'Mind' class, gives each new grub their own class. The only way I can describe 'Mind' players it is that they... see into the future in a way. They can predict what we will do to give us a class accordingly. Of course, our blood contributes to at least one aspect of it. For example, because my ancestors were both 'Blood Players', 'Blood' has to be a part of my class, just as a teal blood has to have a 'Mind' class. I know you have one. I believe only the royals of your society do, or at least the royals and the 'Light' player, which are the human versions of our 'Mind' players, do. They are the ones who give you your classes. As I said before, I'm sure you probably have one, but you just don't know it yet. There is a catch though."
"What's the catch?"
"I said there was a purpose for someone's class. The catch is that you'll never know why until the time comes. I don't know why I was given mine, but one day I'll find out when the time is right. Then, it will all make sense. 'Blood' players can see the bonds between people. That's probably why he knew the situation so well."
You nod. "I hope it's cool. It would suck if your main purpose wasn't bad ass because you're bad ass. You need a bad ass purpose. "
"It might not be. It could be the worst purpose in the world."
"How so?"
He shrugs "My ancestor was the knight of blood. He could've had that title because he was supposed to save everyone by killing himself or something along those lines."
"Wait, you don't have to kill yourself, right?" You ask nervously, quickly sitting up.
He quickly shakes his head, "It's just an example."
With a sigh of relief, you nod and lie back down, holding onto Karkat tightly. The troll yawns and curls up at your side, nodding off. "Karkat, it's cold out here. We should go back inside," you whisper to him, but he was already fast asleep in your arms. Sighing, you cautiously sit up and watch him for a while before putting your clothes on and picking him up. As you make your way to the stairs, you find a ring lying on the ground. Making sure not to drop Karkat, you pick up the ring and look at Karkat's hand to see if he'd dropped it. It's most definitely an engagement ring and it looks brand new. You curiously put it in your pocket, deciding to ask Karkat if it's his later. The small troll cuddles against your chest, muttering something about being cold. Taking that as your cue to hurry inside, you carefully make your way back to the window and into the slightly warmer castle. Everything is silent now except for the soft sound of the prince's breathing. Covering Karkat up with your coats, you take him to the messiest room in the palace: your room.
Up until the clock on the church tower tolls two in the morning, Karkat remains contentedly curled up in your jackets, purring softly until he stirs awake and look around sleepily, "Huh...?" He glances down to see you sleeping beside him, drooling. Of course. You have your arms wrapped around Karkat's waist, your head on his chest. Once he gets his bearings, he panics and quickly sits upright, searching around frantically for his clothes. You groan and turn around, facing your back to him. "Where are my clothes?!" He hisses in a hushed voice.
You blink up at him as you rub at your eyes. "What...?"
"It's two in the morning. Dirk's waiting. I need to go."
You sit up, stretching as you attempt to wake up. "There uh... In... The closet." Karkat quickly stands and goes to the closet, dressing. You watch him with a frown, finally beginning to wake up. "You're leaving?"
He stops and glances back at you. "The wedding is tomorrow. Dirk is waiting," he repeats.
"Right. Of course. I'm sure you'll look great tomorrow," You mutter. "By the way, I found your ring on the stairs. You know, in case you dropped it."
He frowns, walking back over and holding out his hand. "Let me see it." You turn around and pick up your coat from the floor, looking through the pockets and pulling out the ring. He takes it and looks it over. "I don't recognize it. I'll have to ask Dirk in the morning."
You nod sleepily. "Alright..."
He stands up straight and stares out the window, refusing to meet your gaze. "...I wanted to say goodbye."
You tense up, suddenly looking much more uncomfortable. "I don't like good byes..."
He frowns, "After tonight, we'll no longer be lovers. We'll just be brothers-in-law. As much as it pains me to do so, I want to say goodbye to that part of us and, if it's not too much of me to ask, I'd like you to walk me to Dirk's room. It would mean a lot." You nod solemnly, getting up and grabbing your clothes. He waits for you by the door as you dress. "We should say goodbye here. That way, when I cry, no one else can hear..."
You stop, standing in front of him. "Can I go first, then?"
Karkat nods. "Of course..."
You take a deep breath and turn around to pick up a makeshift book from the dresser. In truth, it can hardly be considered a book. It's more or less a stack of pages crammed together. "Do you remember when I came to talk to you yesterday? It was while you were in your dressing room trying on your suits. I came in to apologize." The troll nods. "Do you remember how I said I wasn't going to write a book on all the things I'm sorry for?"
He hesitates, "Vaguely, but go on."
"Well, I did. And here it is." You open the book, reading a line. "I'm sorry I forgot your butler's name. I still don't remember." You turn a few pages and read another line. "I'm sorry I didn't fight for you." More pages are turned before you read again. "I'm sorry I complicated your life, knowing I didn't have to." You flip once more and read, "I'm sorry about that one time I changed Dirk's orange juice to guava juice because he was pissing me off," before flipping back to the beginning.
Tears prick his eyes, the troll bringing up a hand to caress your cheek. "You wrote a whole book of apologies...?"
"I needed to," You confess, holding the book out to him. "I've done so many terrible things and... I needed to forgive myself. Not just for what I've done concerning you and Dirk, but for all of the assassinations I've done. Consider it an early wedding present." He takes the book from your hands, only to toss it aside so he can throw his arms around your neck and hug you tightly. You return it, picking him up off the ground. His legs lock around your waist, the two of you savoring the feeling while you can. You bury your face in Karkat's shoulder and mutter, "I love you..."
"I love you too..." He whispers back, kissing your neck. "God, you're making it so hard to go..." He runs his fingers through your hair and whispers, "I think it's time, my love..."
"Just five more minutes," you nearly beg, refusing to put him down.
"You're delaying the inevitable..." he murmurs into your neck.
"Please. Five more minutes..." You cling to him, hugging him tighter.
Karkat sighs softly, "Only five... Then I need to leave..." With a nod, you close your eyes. The troll leans back so he can kiss your forehead softly, as if to reassure both of you that everything will be okay. That gives you the courage you need to slowly put him down. It doesn't give you the courage to let go of him, however. Sensing this, he leans up and gently kisses you, causing you to finally let go of him. "You'll walk me to my room, won't you?"
You nod. "Won't Dirk be upset?"
"He should be asleep. You don't have to go in," he replies, though he doesn't sound too sure himself. Deciding to risk it, you nod and open the door for him. The prince thanks you and leaves the room, waiting for you to follow before he slips his hand in to yours and walks with you to Dirk's room. The walk is silent the whole time, and you notice that you don't go more than ten steps a minute. You lean on Karkat until he stops upon reaching the door. He glances up at you helplessly.
"You don't have to do this," you whisper in a last ditch effort to stop him from leaving your side. "We could run away together. We could do the things we always dreamed of doing. You and I could go live in the country on an acre or two of land and grow flowers and crops and... And we could get married. We could leave this entire life behind." By the end, you're practically pleading with him. "Please... Don't leave me...
Karkat frowns and caresses your cheek, a sign that you've already lost. "You know just as well as I do that I'd love nothing more..." His hand slowly falls back to his side. "But I care deeply for my people. They need me, but they also need Dirk. I love him. I do. He just..." he trails off before looking up at you and confessing, "He isn't you."
That last sentence gives you the strength you need to let him walk away. You kiss him gently and mutter not above a breath, "I understand. I'll always love you, Karkat."
Tears immediately stream down his cheeks. He swallows the lump in his throat and squeezes your hand, speaking in a weak voice, "No matter how much time passes, I will always belong to you... One day, we can be together... I promise..."
You wipe at the tears, holding his face. "I know. I know. And I'll always belong to you."
He sniffles and smiles weakly, pecking your lips once more before turning to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow for the wedding. I love you, David."
"I love you too, Karkat," you say, strength fading as you stare at him.
He quietly slips into the room, closing the door a little behind him. You can hear him stop dead in his tracks. You peek in through the crack to see Dirk sitting up on the edge of the bed, staring down at his hands. "Dirk...? Love, whatever are you doing up?" You hesitate for a moment before putting your ear closer to the door.
"I could ask you the same thing..." Your brother mumbles. "I was waiting for you..."
"I'm sorry. I was with my father." He lies as he pulls out the ring. "I found this in the hall."
Now Dirk looks up at him, "I heard you pass the library, you know. You and Dave. You went to the roof, didn't you?"
He sighs, "Okay, yes we did. We were talking."
"Where did you find the ring?"
"In the hall."
"Do the lies ever stop?"
The troll winces and looks down, "...on the roof." You begin to panic, trying to listen properly as Karkat continues, "You were up there, weren't you?" Dirk simply nods. "How much did you...?"
"I heard all of it..." He admits after a long pause.
Karkat's ears lower in shame, "Dirk I-"
"-And he's out there listening now, so you might as well come in you deceitful little rat!" Dirk snaps at the door, cutting him off. Your blood runs cold as you step away from the door. "Don't be shy, 'brother'," he growls, "You're not as slick as you think. Be a man and get in here!" Deciding not to delay it any longer, you slowly open the door and step in to face your brother. "You couldn't just leave it alone, could you? I was ready to give him up for you!" He snarls when you enter.
You let out a sigh. "What's stopping you now then? The fact that I love him?" You refuse to look up at him, glaring at the floor instead.
Dirk stops, staring at you with the most hurt expression you think you've ever seen. "Do you even realize what you've done...? You've slept... With the love of my life... And what's worse is he asked you to... He asked you to do it and you didn't even h-hesitate..." He hiccups as his voice grows weaker and his tears flow faster. "The night before the wedding you steal him away... So t-tell me why... Tell me what I did to you... N-No.... Perhaps you shouldn't... It's never anything but lies either way..."
You bite your lip, finally looking up. "Y-You know I love him, and I just-..." You frown. "You win. So... I don't know... I just... You get him and I don't and... I love him and I'm sorry but-... I'm just sorry..." You stutter. He shakes his head and heads for the door. "Dirk, please..." You grab his wrist, but he jerks his arm away.
"I won't ruin your night. Enjoy him while it lasts. The wedding is still tomorrow. You can probably get in a few more rounds. Maybe clean up after yourself next time." He motions to the splatters of white and red on Karkat's clothes as he opens the door.
"Dirk, please. I still consider you my brother even you don't consider me yours..." You frown. "And I'm sorry I hurt you."
Dirk turns around. "No... I honestly don't think you are... That would require you to feel remorse... Maybe you wouldn't have done it..." He turns back around. "And you accused me of being the dirty minded one. Who couldn't keep it in their pants now?" He hisses venomously.
You stay silent for a moment before muttering, "Could you please stop treating me like an antagonist for a moment?"
"Why should I?" He finally snaps. "I have half a mind to beat you to death for what you've done to me."
"You keep acting like you're the only one who loves him and I'm just some asshole who's trying to steal him away!" You snap back.
"If you play the part of the antagonist, the antagonist you become," your brother replies simply.
"But you're wrong. You know I love him, too. You know I've fallen in love with him and- for fuck's sake! Do you see me complaining about the fact that you get him forever? Did it occur to you that it kills me that you get him from tomorrow onward? You keep talking about betrayal, but you're so self-centered that you don't understand that I just want him in the small time I've got him before he's yours!"
"...You truly are clueless, and I'll make you eat those words..." He walks out the door.
"Dirk, wait! Where are you going? Please don't leave... I beg of you... Please stay here with me..." Karkat frowns, stepping forward.
"No, I needn't disrupt the two of you again. If it's time you want, it's time you shall have." He frowns and grabs the door handle. "And by the way, David, you have some nerve to call me selfish." He slams the door shut behind him.
The two of you stare at the floor, not saying anything until Karkat breaks the silence. "He's right..."
You glance back at him. "What?"
"We've been the selfish ones... Especially me..." He looks down.
"No you haven't." You frown and walk over to his side. "I'm sorry I got involved."
"Don't be. This was my mistake. I never should've told you to... I mean... That was supposed to be for him..."
"No, it's alright. You did what you wanted to, didn't you?" You ask as you hold his face in your hands.
The troll nods weakly. "But I didn't even think about how he'd be affected..."
You stay silent for a moment. "Neither of us did."
"David, I crushed him... In reality, I gave you all my attention from the very start and he got nothing. Even now I should be chasing after him, but I'm here with you..."
"I just wish you didn't have to marry him. That way you wouldn't need to worry..." You caress his cheek.
He rests his hand over yours and frowns. "I can't hurt him again... So help me God, I'll make him the happiest man alive."
You nod, feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness sweep over you. "Well, you'll have me out of your way soon enough."
"But I don't want that either," Karkat counters.
"I'm sorry, but you know I can't stay," you respond dismally.
"Please stay for the wedding. Stay for tonight."
"Alright," you nod and continue, "But I'll leave right after."
The prince looks panicked, "I will see you again, won't I?"
You look away. "It's unlikely..."
He doesn't even attempt to stop the tears from sliding down his cheeks. "Then stay with me tonight... I beg of you..."
"I will," you coo as you wipe away the tears. "You don't have to beg, for I will always do what you ask."
He sniffles, rubbing at his eyes. "Then don't leave me forever..."
You frown and let go of his face to take out a small whistle from your coat pocket. "If you ever need help," you hold it out to him. "Blow this. My crow will come to you."
He clenches the whistle tightly in his fist. "And you? How do I call to you if I need to?"
"I'm never too far away from my Crow." You assure him as you hold his hand, running circles over his knuckles with your thumb. "You could write to me."
His eyes light up at that. "I can?"
"Tie a letter to Crother's foot," you explain.
"And you'd come?" He asks hopefully.
"If you asked me to, yes. I told you, I will always do whatever you ask of me."
"Then come sleep with me," he says as he takes your hand and leads you to bed.
You follow him. "I'm not tired."
"Then what would you rather do?" He asks, glancing back at you.
You sit down on the edge of the bed. "I'd rather just hold you." With a nod of understanding, he lays down, allowing you to lie beside him and wrap your arms around his waist. The prince cuddles into your chest, tired, but afraid to sleep. You play with his hair with one hand and rub small circles into his back with the other, kissing his forehead in an attempt to lull him to sleep. "I love you."
"I love you too..." he mumbles with heavy eyes. You stay silent, closing your eyes but keeping yourself awake. You listen as Karkat's breathing slows, the troll eventually dozing off. You open your eyes again to watch him all night, only to make sure he doesn't disappear from your arms. You can't help but feel extremely guilty. Tomorrow, you'll let Dirk have him. You'll no longer interfere. You know your brother can make him happy. You live to see Dirk's prince smile, even if it's no longer for you.