Silence passed between them. Kohta had just discovered that the girl he loved, who was responsible for killing his family, had another personality who was the one that made her commit such terrible crimes. What did one say in such a situation? As if things weren't already unbelievably screwed up.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he finally asked.
Lucy chuckled humorlessly. "Kohta, please, my life is fucked up enough. I didn't want to complicate things further."
"Complicate things?" Kohta repeated. "You've been fighting against this thing inside you this whole time. I could have helped."
"How?" she asked, cutting her eyes at him. "What could you have done to help? Send me to a psychiatrist? Get me group therapy? I can see it now. 'Hello everyone, my name is Lucy, and I've got a split personality that wants me to kill everyone I come in contact with'. Please, Kohta, you're smarter than that."
She had a point. Any attempt to go for help would result in confessing her past, which would get her arrested, sent to hospital for the criminally insane, or, most likely, land her back at the lab.
"I still could have been there for you." he pointed out. "If you had ever needed someone to talk to, or if you felt her taking control-"
"I didn't want you to find out." she interrupted. "I'm afraid of Kaede. I don't know what she'll do. She harbors all my dark desires and Diclonius instincts, and has no conscience or guilt to hold her back from acting on them." She buried her face in her hands. "I'm afraid. I don't want to kill, but she made me want to. She made me not know how to do anything besides kill. She's trying to do it again. But I'm older and smarter now. I won't be fooled by her again. So she's starting to take over. And every negative or violent thought I have only makes her stronger."
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "My Diclonius instincts tell me to kill and create a new race of my kind. Although I have no desire to do such things, my biggest anchor is you, Kohta. And that's what scares me. She's inherited my love for you, and that's what's keeping you safe. I'm not sure how long it will keep you safe though. That's why I didn't want you to get involved with this."
"I've always been involved!" Kohta cried, grabbing Lucy's arm. "I've been involved with this since the beginning. How could you keep me in the dark about this? It at least makes me understand better. It lets me know the truth about my family's death."
Lucy wiped her eyes. "Kohta, it was me that killed your family. It wasn't like a little while ago when she was in complete control over me. I was fully aware and in control of what I was doing?"
Kohta's grip on her tightened. "But it was her that made you do it. You were a child, Lucy, lost and confused. You turned towards the only source of comfort you had left, the only thing you had left. Your Diclonius instincts." He struggled with his next words. "And it was me that pushed you in that direction. Me and the rest of humanity Kaede took advantage of that. I see that now. You weren't making decisions for yourself. She made them, and you acted on them. Although that doesn't excuse you for the murders you've committed, that does lessen your guilt. It also makes you a victim as much as the people that you killed. You may have killed them, but it was Kaede that made you kill them."
"Kohta-"
"You wouldn't have considered killing anyone if it wasn't for Kaede, would you?"
She shook her head. "Of course not, but-"
"And that's what makes all the difference."
