Neighbor // j.b feat. c.b [bwwm]

fourteen | the visit

Why did he kiss me? Why did I let him kiss me? What am I going to tell Chris? Did I just cheat on Chris?

As soon as Justin's lips left mine I immediately started to question myself. For the rest of the night these thoughts of wonder and guilt clouded my mind even though I tried my best not to let them. I didn't want to make it awkward. I still wanted to have fun with both Justin and Hailey before I'd have to leave and not see either of them for a week. I did still enjoy myself, but my brain was going a mile a minute. Every time I looked at Justin new thoughts and questions formed while he seemed to be completely unphased by whatever just happened. He did give me some space by moving more to the other side of the couch, which I was grateful for. Hailey didn't show any signs of noticing anything weird. She seemed to be her normal self, not picking up on any of the stress I was going through in my mind. Maybe the atmosphere wasn't as weird as I imagine it should've been after I shared a kiss with my best friend who isn't my boyfriend.

We didn't talk about it on the ride to the airport or when I texted him to let him know I landed alright. I was beginning to think I imagined it all, that maybe it was some crazy daydream that randomly played in my head. Daydreams don't make you feel like the way I felt, though, so I knew that couldn't be it.

Somehow I landed a little earlier than Chris' assistant told me. Well, it was a lot earlier honestly; by a few hours at least. I don't understand how she could get the time wrong since it's such a big difference. She must be under a lot or stress. I know Chris is probably running her wild during this tour. I texted her to make sure I'd be meeting them at the right place. Luckily, she was awake. I originally had to meet the tour bus before they start traveling to the next city, but now I was on my way to the hotel since they hadn't checked out yet.

His assistant met me in the lobby. It was late, well after Chris' show and she looked tired. I smiled when I saw her and she immediately led me to the elevator to go to Chris' room. Her name is Anna but that's literally all I know about her. We never talk. I assumed she was one of those overly professional types even though she was really young. That or she just didn't like me very much, but I didn't get that vibe from her.

"Thank you." I told her as she opened the door to Chris' room for me. She mumbled a 'welcome' before leaving and I walked inside. I left my bag next to the closed door and walked further into the room. I could see Chris' half naked body laying on the bed, his torso covered by the white sheet. He laid on his back with one hand resting by his head and the other on his stomach, the way he always sleeps. I admired his handsome face as he laid there in silence. I always love watching him sleep, he always looks so peaceful. I kicked off my shoes and climbed onto the bed, swinging one leg over him to sit on top of him. He barely moved.

"Chris." my voice came out a little louder than a whisper. When he didn't respond I said his name a bit louder as I grabbed the hand that laid on his stomach and intertwined our fingers. When that didn't work I bounced a few times to make him and the bed move around. He tried to reposition himself then grabbed my hips before he opened his eyes. He blinked a few times and I smiled. His eyebrows furrowed before his entire face relaxed.

"Ivy?" he asked. he sat up and backed up on the bed so he was leaning against the headboard with me still on his lap. He pulled me into a tight hug that I returned, closing my eyes and taking in the sweet scent of his cologne that still lingered on his body.

"I missed you." I told him. He continued to hold me for what felt like minutes before pulling away to look at me.

"I thought you said you were coming later today." he said.

"I was, but I landed earlier somehow." I told him. He didn't say anything after that, he just pulled me in for a kiss. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to fall into the sweet and familiar feeling of having my mouth move against his. It was almost soothing to have his soft lips pressed against mine again after so long. For a moment I forgot everything. I forgot why I was here and the kiss I shared with Justin just hours earlier.

I felt Chris' hands slowly leave my hips as one slowly travelled up my side and the other went to the front of my sweatpants. I felt his hand tug on the string and jolted into a wave of nervousness and guilt at the familiar feeling. I broke the kiss and looked at Chris as he tried to make his way back to me to start another kiss.

"Um, don't you have to, uh, sleep? For the show tomorrow?" I asked him. I moved my head left, right, and back so he couldn't kiss me like he was trying to.

"I can sleep in tomorrow." he said. After I moved my head to block his kiss so many times he settled for my neck. I had to really fight hard to not give in to him.

"Don't you have to-to check out in a few hours?"

"Shhhh." he pressed a finger to my lips as he moved down my neck, going for my collarbone. He dropped his hand and it went back to my sweats, struggling to untie the knot that I thought was already pretty loose. My eyes were threatening to close because of the way his lips were attatched to my neck and I knew if they did it'd be over, but I didn't want to give in. I didn't want this to happen right now.

Suddenly I got all types of images of him and Jade and what they could've possibly done during the time he's been on tour already. I thought about the days he ignored me and wondered if it was so easy for him because he had someone else right in front of him, or even on top of him. I thought about where she was now and if she had shared this very bed with him at any point. These thoughts took whatever excitement about what he was doing out of my body. I got angry, but I fought not to show it. My eyes were staying open all on their own now. I was sure that nothing would happen tonight.

"Chris, I really don't feel comfortable sleeping with you when I still don't know if I'm the only one you're sleeping with." I told him. My tone was firm and serious, unlike when I previously spoke to him. He froze in his actions before lowering both hands and backing away from me. He ran both hands over his face and let out a long sigh.

"Aight. Whatever you say, Ivy. Let's just go to sleep." he said. I climbed off his lap and laid next to him. I got under the covers and turned my back to him but allowed him to pull me into his body. I fell asleep to the relaxing feeling of his breath hitting the back of my neck.