OPEN [boyxboy] ✓

twenty-nine:: when you learn how to bond.

Paul was wearing a pale pink shirt and some gray sweatpants when he'd driven me to school that morning. We were close to passing my old house when I'd brought up the topic on hand.

My hand was fiddling with Paul's on the arm rest, eyes occasionally flickering over to catch him glancing back at me and every time I'd catch his eyes, his ears had darkened and he would clear his throat as if to make himself appear less flustered.

I watched him scratch the back of his neck in that nervous way of his and readjust his glasses but before he could speak, I'd blurted it out. "I um, I wanna tell my dad."

His eyes went wide as he glanced back at me quickly as if to see whether or not I was being serious. He looked shocked and that upset me because Paul assumed that I'd rather hide him from everyone and that wasn't okay. He bit his lip before processing everything, hand tightening on mine and I watched a small goofy smile spread across his face, "You wanna..."

I'd licked my lips, glancing down at my hand in his and couldn't help but copy his smile. I wanted to see him that happy all the time and from then on out, I'd established that nothing would be better, "I wanna tell my dad about you and I want you guys to meet."

"Really?"

He looked slightly confused, as if he doubted me and really, I didn't blame him. I'd been really indecisive with our relationship and myself in general, Paul didn't know where to stand and that honestly was reasonable. I regretted every single thing is ever done to make him believe that I was in some way ashamed of him and I couldn't help but assure him that I wasn't. "Why wouldn't I?"

And he shrugged, "you're not always sure about things. I mean- yeah, you've always meant the best but I don't want to get hurt, Jules."

And yet again, he'd worn his heart on his sleeve. Hearing it hurt but I knew it was true, I wasn't always sure before I did things and that must've been frustrating to Paul. I wasn't sure about Calum or holding hands or even if telling my dad was s good idea but I was sure about Paul. He was amazing and I would've been so stupid if I were to pass this up so shaking my head, I turned to him.

"Yeah, I mean, I'm not completely sure," I could see the way he smile turned into a grimace and his hand slackened in mine before he'd tried to force happiness again. And I tightened my grip "but I'm sure about us and I don't want you to feel like I'm hiding you."

I bit my lip again, the flesh most likely red from the gnawing I'd done do to nerves, "I'm really glad you're my boyfriend and stuff."

"I'm glad I'm your boyfriend," he chuckled, "and stuff."

That smile on his face was what made me calm down. He wasn't upset, we were on the same page and that was all that was important. Leaning back, I sighed, everything was going so well for me to be as upset as I was. I didn't deserve to be unhappy when I had Paul in my life but life had a funny way of making me feel like shit. I groaned. My mother hated me, Calum hated me, Andy didn't want anything to do with me... I couldn't have my dad hate me too despite the fact that he didn't have a problem with my sexuality. What if he changed his mind? What if he thinks it's a phase and that's why he's being so cool about it?

What if he'll know it's real once he meets Paul and everything turns to shit?

I didn't voice all my concerns, just shortened them, running a hand through my hair that I'd been too lazy to put product in that morning, "I guess I just don't want him to hate me."