Open [boyxboy] ✓

thirty-seven:: when the truth comes out.

[Suicide Note by Akeemjamal Rollins]

TRIGGER WARNING: MINIMAL TALK OF SUICIDE PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

disclaimer: i am so sorry for the drama you are about to read.

THIRTY-SEVEN: when the truth comes out.

Paul and I hadn't talked since the whole "love" dilemma.

Sure, it was only approximately nineteen hours and twenty-six minutes since I'd last seen him but I was anxious. So anxious that after falling asleep on the phone with a smile on my face, I woke up late. I woke up late, I'd put my shirt on backwards, I'd accidentally been late to practice -getting chewed out by coach in front of the team- and I'd still been smiling.

To get out of pestering by the guys, I'd invited them over after school -to help me pack to go over Paul's for the weekend- since Ben had whined that he 'never saw me anymore' and 'lover boy needs to learn how to share.' Of course, that had sparked an argument with Will over 'getting in the way of true love' or whatever and ended with her telling him it wasn't too hard to make him ending up face-down in a kiddie pool look like an accident.

Yeah, they were... Weird.

"Anything new?" Caspar had asked. We'd all been in my room after practice and playing video games and procrastinating on the packing. I had a bag with only a shirt in it so far when we'd gotten distracted. So distracted that Ben had put in a game, Will constantly groaning about how I only had two controllers and how unfair it was that she couldn't play before Benji because 'ladies first.' It was times like these when I'd wish Jade wasn't so absent after school and she'd take Will away because sometimes, she became too much.

Caspar sitting in the corner of my room and staring at his phone, acting all solemn and antisocial since he'd arrived, was getting old too.

And Will was excited, turning her head to the side, he ponytail hitting the side of my face and knocking me off my game. According to Ben, she'd had too much sugar that day and that wasn't really helping with her ADHD. "We got a dog," she'd pretty much screamed out. She was acting more and more like Ben that day and it was getting easier to see how they were related.

Distracted by the racing game he was attempting to beat my ass in, Benji chuckled when I slipped up after Will's interruption and he'd been able to pass me on a drift. Sucking his bottom lip in his mouth, he accelerated and in the most nonchalant voice ever, he spoke, "I met a girl, she's pretty hot."

Caspar had snorted for the first time, "and way outta your league."

And flipping him off, Ben effortlessly got a lap on me in the game and was nearing the finish line.

"I'm bisexual."

That was when it went silent, only the noise of Ben winning the race buzzing through the room, my controller vibrating at the loss and my eyes went wide.

Everyone's eyes went wide.

And then, "Whatchu talking 'bout, fam?" Ben spluttered, head snapping over to meet Andy's gaze. He was laying back on my bed, staring into the crook of his elbow when he'd made his confession. For some reason, I was a bit jealous, he'd figured himself out so quickly and was coming out to his friends and he was way braver than I. Aside from how proud I was, I only wished I wasn't such a coward.

"The fuck?" Caspar had pitched in, bringing my eyes off of the boy on my bed and I looked over at Caspar who's eyes were now fully on Andy and his phone was sat beside him. If I wasn't so sure that these were my friends and I was apart of the group, I'd be sad that I didn't have this. Caspar, the guy who didn't care about anything, was giving Andy his full attention and that was honestly beautiful.