OPEN [boyxboy] ✓

twenty-nine:: when you learn how to bond.

"You're my boyfriend's roommate, I'd like to be friends with you." It felt nice to say that: boyfriend. It felt nice to be able to acknowledge that Paul and I were committed to each other. A smile has graced my face, bottom lip pulling into my mouth as I brought my gaze up to Landon and willed the hotness of my skin to simmer down. I was red, I knew it.

The smile slowly faded at the unsettled look on Landon's face and I could somehow understand it. He my boyfriend's roommate, he was a bit like me and I could tell he wasn't who he appeared to be.

"I like you for him, you know?"

That was surprising. Especially with how much his brother seemed to hate me.

"You're kind." He offers.

I don't know what to do with that. I let the quiet simmer.

He strikes up a few more cords that sound like heaven's gates. I sink into the sound, it fills the room.

I want to ask more, ask if the guys before weren't kind. I can't imagine someone being mean to him.

I stay quiet, I try not to force myself in where I shouldn't. Landon nods when the silence gets too deep.

So I try, "you don't post much."

He licked his lips, biting the inside of his cheek and tried to smile again, it closed mouth as if he didn't feel as happy as he were before and I felt bad. "No one really pays attention to me... Brandon's the badass as you can probably already tell."

Not being noticed? That sounded like a dream. "I wish people didn't pay attention to me."

And he repeated my question, "Are you okay?"

"Not really." I wasn't okay, I hadn't been okay in a while. But I could fake it if Paul were there; I could forget.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Wanna talk about the fact that I feel as if your brother would be a better boyfriend than me? No thanks. "No," wanna talk about how I'm such a fucking dumbass who can't decide if he likes girls or boys?

Wanna talk about how I feel like shit all the time? Or maybe about how much I don't deserve Paul? The fact that I always feel tired for no reason?

No thanks. "Can you play something else for me?"

I didn't want to let out all my problems onto someone and they become awkward because they really didn't care. I wouldn't be able to stomach the fact that I'd feel like shit for answering honestly and the fact that I'd feel the need to apologize had me reevaluating and repressing everything.

"Yeah, sure."

And that's when he nodded, placing his guitar back on its stand and grabbing his acoustic from on top of his messy bed. There was a nice warming half-smile on his face when he started playing the intro to Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bob Marley and I felt myself smiling. He sang jokingly, leaning back and forth and swaying comedically with the music, reaching over and pinching my cheek before he'd started the chorus.

I could tell I'd get along with Landon.

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