6463 l.h

t h i r t y - t h r e e

"I cannot be this selfish, Liza" he sighs "How am I supposed to be happy when I know she's miserable? What kind of monster would I be if I forget about everything she sacrificed just so I could be happy? How can I put my happiness in front of hers? She's my fucking mum!"  He stands up. This is not going as well as I thought it'd be. I wonder how he'll handle the baby talk

"Luke this isn't your fault, don't waste the opportunity of a life time" I do my best not to raise my  voice

"Don't you think I know that? I wanted to get in that University more than breathing!" He shouts again making me shrink in my seat "But I don't know how to be like you and put myself first, I don't know how to negligect my family's needs in order to get mine done first"

I didn't think these words would hurt me this bad but they did. How can he say that? I've been through hell over the years thinking about leaving but never having the guts to do so because of Zoe. How can he say I don't care about my family?

"Just calm down Luke" I say pushing back the tears "Lets not say things we'll regret later"

"No Liza!" He spats "You keep saying in fact you said it as soon as we met that we're alike, that we're shallow and we do not care about feelings and other people, but guess what" he stops in front of me with his face red "I care!" He says harshly "I can't help but to care, these people" he points the door as he was referring to the people in this house.

By now tears flow down my face like its raining. He does not seem to notice my flooded face.

"These people have been through hell with me, we've been through hell together" he says raising his voice "Your home might be broken but in mine we do not abandon anyone"

I can't take this hateful words. I rub my hand down my face and take a deep breath

"Please don't say these things, you're hurting me" I sound like a five year old and I don't fucking care

"See, always putting yourself first!" He let go a mean laugh "Everyone gets to be hurt but not precious Liza!" He mocks me "Grow up love! This is life, it's a sting in the heart but we carry on anyways!"

"Luke please" I hide my face in between my hands "Please don't yell at me"

"Its time you leave this pathetic pity party you've been throwing, crying around and feeling like you're the only one who gets to be sad and hurt" He rolls his eyes "I've been sad since I was three and Dad left us, but I never let sadness knock me out of my game" he stops before me and I'm a crying sobbing mess "Fight back!" He yells at me

Words cannot come out of my mouth even when they flood my mind.

"Fight back!" He yells again and this time louder

So loud the door is swinged open by Kira

"What the actual hell?" She stands by the doorway looking at our mess "Why you're yelling at her? Don't you know its not good for the baby?" She walks towards me to comfort me

"Oh please" Luke rolls his eyes again trying not to laugh

"I've read that stress is not good for the growth of the baby" she hugs me and I bury my face in the crook of her neck "The baby can feel when the mum's sad"

"Enough about this stupid baby! Its not even real, we lied" he bursted

After that he and Kira started to yell at each other and I lost it. I couldn't cope anymore. I know timing is not the best but I have to say

"Shut up you two!" I shout standing up

"Just tell her Liza, tell her we lied" Luke insisted once more

"I can't" I say running out of breath "I can't because it might not be a lie anymore" I look directly towards Luke "My period is late and there's great chance I'm pregnant"

And just like that the room went quiet. Not one of us moved or made a single sound. Luke just stared me like I had shot him in the heart. Kira glancing from Luke to me trying to understand. I just looked down trying to fandom all that's been said in this room.

"Me and this hypothetical stupid baby are leaving" I say after minutes of silence, it felt like hours "Congratulations" I throw the Sheffield letter on his face as I walked pass the door

My heart is sinked in sadness. This is actually the only moment I thought about giving up on the baby if I'm actually pregnant. No baby deserves a mom like me and this environment I live in.

"I hope you're not there" I place my hand on my flat stomach "You'll be dodging a bullet"