Doctor's Orders

2. Onset

I studied myself in the mirror of the staff lounge - forest green scrubs, stethoscope around my neck, and my assigned phone clipped onto my pocket. My mess of curly blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail, but as always, it stuck out in a big poof behind my head. I was used to the chaos that was my hair, but I hoped I didn't scare any patients with the crazy look I sported.

I was ready. I looked confident and I felt the same way, until the moment I set foot in the hallway outside. My heart started racing with fear. What if I wasn't good enough or fast enough? What if I made a really stupid mistake? I was still a tiny minnow and I was sure to get eaten by the sharks in the ocean.

I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "You can do it," I reminded myself. This confidence was based on the fact that I had done exceptionally well in nursing school and its clinical rotations. I went to the charge nurse, Elaine, to report for duty. She assigned me to my rooms for the night and told me that five of the seven already contained patients. Tammy, who had been assigned to coach me in my first week, took me around to the rooms and introduced me to the patients. She gave me a tour around the Emergency Department, which was helpful, although I'd seen it once before. It was like a large square, separated by two intersecting hallways. 

She introduced me to a lot of the staff – techs, transports, physician's assistants, residents and doctors. She was finishing up introductions when I saw him come out of one of the patient rooms, the doctor I'd seen in the hallway after my interview. I hadn't even considered the possibility that I'd be working with him, out of all the doctors and departments in a hospital of this size.

"Just in time," Tammy said. "Dr. Styles," she called. He stopped to look in our direction with those magnificent eyes, such a lovely shade, and definitely more friendly than Ms. Baxter's green eyes. I followed Tammy, who smiled up at the stunning doctor. "This is Ellie Jansen," she said. "She's the new RN on your shift today. So be nice," she teased.

He smiled softly in return and I think I saw the hint of a dimple. He replied, "I'm always nice." And then he nodded to me. "Nice to meet you, Ms. Jansen."

Great, he called me Ms. Jansen. He was another stuffy superior. Then I reminded myself that he was just being professional.

"Thank you, sir," I answered diligently and then I prayed that Tammy would drag me away or I was sure to stand there smiling stupidly at him for the whole night.

Luckily, he walked away and Tammy reminded me, "I'm just watching you tonight. I won't interfere with anything unless you have questions or if I think you're going to kill someone."

My eyes flew wide open in alarm.

"I'm kidding," she laughed. "Probably not a very good joke. But deep down, that's what we all worry about, isn't it?" I nodded nervously. "But you'll do just fine," she said, patting my shoulder.

My first five patients were pretty diverse – an elderly homeless man who was complaining of shortness of breath and chest pains, a young mother-to-be, fearing that she was going into labor too early, a toddler who had swallowed several of Mom's multi-vitamins, a teenager who fell of a scaffolding at his part-time construction job, and an older lady with some mental health issues - she was certain that the KGB was after her and that they had implanted sensors in her head to read her thoughts.