Expiration Date (Books 1 and 2)

30 How Do I Let Her Go?

Jonas~~

By the time dinner is over, I'm desperate to get away. The barbed jabs between Bently and Abella, Alix's inquiries about the way we run things, the veiled suggestions from both of them . . . It was too much for one evening.

The truth is I'd love to open our borders, but the Society has ruled by fear. I can't imagine if given the chance to vacation outside Elleany, that any would return.

I can't voice that to Alix or Abella. I have to keep the illusion that I'm entirely confident in my hold on Elleany.

Excusing myself from the dining room while the others linger, I make my way outside and into the maze. Iris is supposed to meet with Alix shortly. Abella let me know during dinner that she found Iris darling and can't wait for her to come to France.

I need to get away from the reminders that Iris will be leaving in a few days. That the next time I would see her again—if I ever do—I'll be married.

That itself is a reminder that soon I'll have to shove down and lock away the feelings for her that are growing into an irrepressible mess.

I make my way into the maze. It's dark inside. There aren't many lights, and most are in the courtyards. Even after only a few years of living here, I've walked these paths so many times that I could probably find where I wish to go even with my eyes shut. If I'm being honest with myself, getting lost would not be so unappealing right now.

The chilled air nicks at my cheeks, but I can't find it in me to mind it.

How do I let her go? She's the woman who reminds me what it means to live, who sees me and not the head of the Society.

When I'm with her, she makes me feel as if I could just be the human side of me and not the Amorian, even if the part of me that's human is minute. With her I am who I want to be, and if she leaves, I'm worried I'll become what others wish me to be.