I decided to take my coffee to go. I walked out the door and saw Matt turn a corner. He walked in the opposite direction that I was supposed to be going. He walked left and I walked right. I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. He told me that he was going to break up with Nicole but that doesn't necessarily mean he was going to go for me. He is a ladies man obviously but he is also sweet and caring. He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy that just gives out kisses for no apparent reason. He seems to me like the kind of guy that when he kisses someone it is for a reason. He loves them. That means he loves me.
The next day comes and I heard back from the children’s store. They said that they would be glad to have me work there and to come in and get my uniform ready today. I was glad that they called me at this time of the week. Now I don't have to pretend to love kids, or pretend to not be depressed. I am curing myself from depression and from smoking and from everything bad that I have done. I want to fix it.
I walked into the store with the rainbow and the giraffe and the pink walls and looked around to see all the kids looking at clothes running around screaming having fun. I remembered when I was a kid and how everything was so much more easier. I never had to go anywhere alone, because I wasn't aloud to. I never took medicine on my own, without my mother telling me what to take. I never had to talk to people, without my mother talking when I didn't know what to say. I had rules that I followed by and when I didn't I had to go sit in the corner and think about what I have done. Now everything is different. I have to take my own medicine, I have to talk to people I don't want to talk to, I follow by my own rules and even then I brake some of them. Now instead of sitting in the corner crying, and thinking about what I have done and then sorry fixed everything. Now I can't just say sorry and fix everything I have done. Sorry won't grow the forest back, sorry won't take the smoke out of my lungs, sorry won't fix the years of me yelling and screaming at my mom and sorry will defiantly not bring back my happiness.
I walked into the back of the store looking at all the children all the wonders of life wondering which one of them would be the president of the United States, and basically what they would grow up to be. What will I grow up to be? I'm not in collage, I don't have a car, and I live in a little, old apartment. I sit down with the lady that interviewed me. "I have interviewed a lot of people before giving this job to someone and you seem the happiest, nicest, one." She says with a big smile. I smile back at her. I smiled with a real smile not a fake one. That meant a lot. Hearing that I was the "happiest person" from someone else’s mouth than my own made me actually more happy. She hands me a box of clothes and told me to look through it and find clothes that fit me and that will be my uniform. I pulled out long pieces of loose fabric, a striped hat, and other clothes that didn't look that good. I kept searching through the box of clothes until I found an apron. It was a red apron with a real tag on it, not just a sticker like the other clothes had, and it had blue lace around it. I put it around my neck and walked up to a mirror on the far side of the room. I looked at myself in the mirror and the first thing I thought was that this job is how I am going to clean my soul from all the badness in me. There are children who have clean souls so I have to carefully tend their needs and if something goes wrong they set off an alarm, them crying. It will be a challenge but might just help me learn wrong from right and bad from good.
The lady came back and said, "Oh my my that apron hasn't been used in a long time. You may have it." "Thank you. I was wondering, when do I start the actual working part?" I ask. "You may start as soon as possible but the latest you may start is next thursday. Because next friday we have a birthday party." "Birthday party? At a store?" I ask really confused to why the child chose the store. "Because we have a party room. Here I'll show you." I follow her closely behind not wanting to get lost in the mountain of boxes. She brings me into this room that had one thing that caught my eye. There was a run way. It had a black floor and had red curtains behind it. There were lights surrounding the edge of the run way. I asked her what these lights did and without saying on word she walked behind the curtain. I had no clue what she was doing, whether or not I should follow her. I walked up to the end of the run way and imagined the room being filled with people and me walking down the run way and people cheering and clapping. I have always wanted to be a model, it just never happened. My parents either were to lazy to bring me to shows or were to cheap to buy me modeling lessons. The lights on the edges of the run way went on. They were facing every direction and were all different colors. It was beautiful. The only thing more beautiful would be if it had fireworks over the top of it. I look to the right of the run way to see a set up chocolate fountain. It wasn't running but it was set up for when they have a party next. There were chairs filling up th entire room facing the cat walk. There were little booths set up on the sides. One said face painting. The others had different activities written on the top and before I could read them all the lady popped out from behind the curtain. "Do you like the lights?" "I absolutely love them," I tell her. Her face lit up with surprise almost as if she thought I wasn't going to say I liked them. "I never told you my nam did I?" She asks. I shake my head. "Well my name is Helen." "I'm Lily nice to officially meet you." I say shaking her hand. "You too." We let go of hands and I tell her that I was probably going to start working tomorrow. She told me that sounded like a plan and then we both walked out of the room. I looked down at my apron. I pointed to it. "Keep it. But wear it every single day to work. If you don't wear it then you have to go back and get it," She says assuring me. I walk back home just to wait for the next day to come.
