Better This Way

The Abandoned Remorse

20/12/17

Today, I went back to my office after a long time. it seemed like ages. Kim was so confusing. Was she glad I came back or angry of my absence for so long? She doesn't care much I guess. I met Paul, my colleague at the office . He helped me out a lot throughout the day. I had shit load of work to do. I went to Jason's Studio after leaving office. He  seemed happy with the lyrics I gave.

 I don't know why but I did not feel the same. It was not me. I was trying hard to think and put myself in that situation in which Jason wanted the song to be. This whole song production is so cumbersome. But i am glad I could just got it done with. I realized I did not enjoy writing that song.May be because I felt the pain he wanted me to feel or maybe the emotion an artist goes through,I think I drew lot of Inspiration from Dan.Huh, he was useful in someway!  I am not tailor made for romance for sure.  Dan always told the same. Yes, I am moving on! I don't feel that urge to scribble out his name now. I can write it down without any remorse in my heart. I have learnt to let it go. Good Job !

I did not smoke for a week now and even went out on dinner yesterday with Jason and Sarah.I slept peacefully the whole night. I...I need to call mum now. She needs to know. Does she? I don't  know. I really don't know if she is ready to hear me out. Dad called me in the morning while I was on my way to office. He is travelling to Sri Lanka tomorrow. (He is always busy anyway). He knows everything. He did not judge me  but he was disappointed. I know that. But, I am so happy that he was by my side. He, out of all people, was there to listen me out. But coming back to the trouble, What should I tell mom? She might be busy tonight with some surgery! I will call her up tomorrow or maybe visit her during the weekend. I got a few mails from Dan . I did not read of course. His apologies and stuff is too monotonous now. 

A few months back, when he went for the workshop to Scotland, I was this cheerful happy content girl with plans. Fucking plans for the future. His trip, completely ruined our relation, me.... ruined us. What does he want now? That he is sorry? Jennifer was drunk or what? that He lost it. I am not listening. I am done listening. People have always told me how head strong i am. He brought me down.  I can't even think back how I lived for last three months. I practically stopped trying. Trying doing anything. I remember how Daddy flied down to London when I was in Hospital. If it was some other parent, I would have been abandoned way before. He successfully hid everything from mom. But I know it won't stay like that forever. 

Siya