The Weirdo Freak that I Am

Cupids Arrow turned bloody

'Love is not weakness. It has the power to keep you sane.'

Monday.

I couldn't stop thinking about Evan, his words rang in my ears as I made my way to the locker.
"Sup." Van came in front of me. "Hey bitch." I smile sweetly at her. She narrowed her eyes at me. "Dumbass." She calls me and I just shrug. Sticks and stones.
"So..did you do the history assignment." I shook my head.
She raised her eyebrows, "it's due today."
" I was busy." I tell her truthfully, slamming the locker door shut. I hated what happened yesterday. "With what? Nothing that's what! You have to be more responsible."
I rolled my eyes.
"what? You think its funny?" She snapped. Somebody's PMSing.

"Okay look. You have a lot on your mind right now and you are taking it out on me so please just back off." I try to calm her down but luckily Emily shows up all excited. She was jumping up and down.
"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!! GUYS GUESS WHAT?!" She squeals. We both put our hands over our ears. "Calm your tits woman." She hugged me tight. "Tyler Carson asked me out. He asked me out!!!" We got weird looks from other people but we didn't care, all of us started to jump up and down in excitement.
Tyler Carson was one of the bad boys of this school and also Emily's crush since middle school. He had brown eyes and black hair. He was good looking but not my type and it was obvious he liked Emily too but he was too much of a coward to admit it. When I actually went up to her face and told her that he likes her and she should woman up and tell him but she was too scared so I might have given him a threat and told him to confess.

"This is awesome,you got the guy of your dreams." I tell her. 

"What are you dancing around about babe?" Tyler comes and pecks her lips. She giggles and blushes. "Well I guess you finally grew a pair didn't you?" I punch him in the arm and he gives me a bright smile. 'Thank you,' he whispers and I just smile brightly at him.

"Now only you need to get your knight in shining armor." I nudge Van with my shoulder. For her,she fell for a good boy from her art class,a guy named Alex. I don't know him personally but I've seen him and I heard he was friends with Evan. A light bulb flashed on top of my head. "Hey I'll meet you guys later okay?" I tell them and rush towards Evan's locker. The bell had rung as I reached him as he took out his books.

"Evan. Hi!" I greet him with a smile and he gives me an adorable smile as well. "Hello Cherrylips,to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"You know Alex Green?" I ask him and his eyes darken,"yeah. Why are you talking about another guy?" I was confused but pushed the inquiry away. "Can you invite him to sit with us at lunch?" The halls began to empty. "Why would I do that?" I had to hurry up before I'm late. "I want to match him up with Van." Relief is evident in his eyes,he smiles,"playing cupid are we?" I shoot an invisible bow at his heart and he puts his hand over his chest,looking all dreamy. We laugh till I realize I really will be super late so I make a run for my class.

Lunch time

What a great day to sit next to Evan during lunch. We were laughing about some story Luke was telling us. It was about some chick who looked like a Dorito. Van was enjoying this also. 

"Hey Evan." Alex came from behind us. Evan gets up and does one of their bro handshakes and they sit down. I move closer to Evan and tell Alex to sit next to Van. He did so.

Van looked really nervous but I give her a thumbs up. We talk for a while. All of us and Van seemed to get the hang of talking to Alex. "Hey guys,wanna do something fun?" I looked at Kyle and my eyes widened in horror as he held up my notebook. I looked inside my bag only to confirm the fact that the pawn of Satan had the book that was filled with embarrassing secrets and letters. 

I tried to attack him but Jake held me back. He gave me a 'sorry,not sorry' look as I glared at him. "Why are you doing this to me?" I growl lowly at Kyle and Luke as they flip through my notebook. "Cause....we want to." Kyle shrugs. 

I huff and sit back down. "Go ahead,I'm fine with losing my dignity. "Come on it won't be that bad." Evan tried to assure me and I was just glad I hadn't written about my feelings yet. 

 Luke were kind enough to keep his voice down. "Let's see. 'Dear Rei...' wait you still gonna do that?" Luke asks me and I avert my gaze,"doesn't matter." He looks back down,his eyes moving as he reads the rest and a cute smile plays on his lips.

"Well I don't feel like embarrassing you anymore." I perk up. "Really?" What the hell did he read? 

"Yeah." Kyle snatches the book and reads the whole thing. "Aww..." Aww?

"Thanks Ce. I never thought we were that important to you." He winks at me. Ooohhh. I did a little entry on them. It was small and basically I complimented them.  I feel myself blush. Evan snatches the notebook. Are we playing snatch Ce's notebook and read it one by one?

A silly smile comes across Evan's face. I didn't accidentally confess did I? I start to feel nervous but he simply hands my notebook back. What did I write? Honestly when it comes to Rei,my feeling and words just comes out and sometimes I don't even remember. It 's stupid,I know but he's the only one I truly trust. Is that strange? I think it just means I only ever trust myself and Rei is just a representative of that. No wait,Rose is. She is everything I ever want to be and the things that I am. Rei is the bad side. Though he is good. He is warm and sweet but he is an undead vampire and he obviously loves Rose alot but I remember how tortured he was. How the darkness consumed him and a lot of times Rose was his only reason to stay sane. He was me. The fact that he feels that he is a monster,that he is weak is a representation by itself. And Rose is the good in me. Even though I want to be like her. Pretty,strong,a person who can grow,someone who can actually change a person's life. I have always wanted to be her. But even though she is nothing like me. The fact that she cherishes her loved ones,cares and continuously tries to prove to herself that she is worth something is something that I relate to and the fact that she can control and tell Rei that he is not a bad person is like my good side trying to tell the monster that is trying to consume me that it has no need,that it is not a monster. It doesn't make sense and I never wrote it down but I like how I can turn the simple little thing I created when I was nine into something that supports me.

Lunch was over now. We all said our goodbyes though I stuck with Emily and Evan cause we were heading in the same direction. "I have to get something from my locker." Emily says as she goes and starts to open her locker. She let out a yelp as things came out of it. Trash,among them were used condoms and tampons. Everyone stopped and stared and I saw the horrified expression on Emily. I pulled her backwards. Pure rage went through my body. I'll f*cking kill them. I got a text and I felt like I knew who it would be. I looked around to see Tara smirking at me. I was ready to go and punch her. Tyler came and gave her a hug,glaring at everyone who was around them,but I didn't notice cause I kept on glaring daggers at her. She pointed at her phone and it took me a second to realize what she means as I took out my phone and checked the message. I grew more angry.

'U stay with the people who you don't belong to and you'll only hurt your friends. So think carefully before I become serious,'

I took a few deep breaths. I have t stay away from Evan if I don't want to hurt my friends but how am I gonna do that without leaving my friends? So..do I have to stay away from my friends to protect them? 

My body shook. I'll be alone again. But I have to or else I'll hurt my friends. It's fine right? I'm used to being alone. I've always been alone,my friends dull the pain and make the numbness lessen but I guess I'll have to deal with this by myself,like always. I send a text back,

'Fine..I'll stay away.'

'Good girl,' I cringe a little. I hate it when people called me a good girl. All because I do what I'm told,even if every fibre in my body is telling me not to. 

I'm not a good girl,I'm just weak and pathetic.