The Weirdo Freak that I Am

The beginning of what has ended

Banging on a Window
For years and years
Begging for someone to hear
My throat became raw
And I forgot
What it's like to be lost
In happy dreams
And happy thoughts.

'We are human. Humans make mistakes, we have flaws. But that does not make us complete. To be a human we must have a free will and we must learn to love. That is the best thing about being a human. Love and freedom."

This story is complicated and I apologise for that but just like this book my heart is conflicted and confusing and tiring. It is who I am.

I would like to dedicate this to lavanyadaunicorn for being an amazing writer and person.
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After I had changed Luke and the rest were cleaning the place up. Jake even called a guy who replaced the coffee table. So here we are, Evan who is holding Sean and looking extremely good looking while doing it. Me, trying not to stare at him and the rest of the gang staring at the Three boys clean up the mess they made. "Can we stop. I'm tired and hungry." Luke whined. I gave him a death glare and he stomped his foot like an eight year old and went back to cleaning the floor. I just stood there and drank my lemonade. Em was besides me having her Dr Pepper. "How do you like that. Tastes like medicine." I ask her, looking at the horrible concoction in her hand. Oh wait I get it. It's called Dr Pepper cause it tastes like medicine or maybe it is medicine. DUN DUN DUNN.
She shrugged,"I just do. By the way good job on handling the boys. They are cleaning your living room and Evan is taking care of the kid. You missy will make it big when you grow up." She says, grinning evilly.
I roll my eyes. And finish my drink. I turn around and go to Evan, Sean seems to really like him. "Thanks for doing this. He must really like you. You seem really good with kids." I say sweetly. I pat Sean on his head and he laughs.  "Hey it's no problem." He says while giving me one of his devilish grins. A shiver went up my spine. I guess I become a little bit more aware of my fondness over him.

A buzz comes from my jeans pockets. I take it out to see a text from an unknown number. When I see what it is my blood runs cold. I feel like time stopped and I could hear nothing. I felt dizziness and nausea hit me like a tidal wave. I start to slowly go through the living room. "Where are you going?" I hear Em say. "To the bathroom. Be back in a few." I say luckily without my voice becoming wobbly. I go and take the first step of the stairs. The nausea increased. I ran up, went to my room and into the bathroom shutting both the doors close and slid down in front of the toilet, puking my guts out. After a few minutes of retching and coughing I flush the toilet. I take a few deep breaths. I want to cry, do nothing but cry but I get up move in front of the mirror and immediately regret it. My skin looked so grey and I looked so much more fatter and bonier, my hair was a mess and I just wanted to cry right now, I wanted to get a knife and cut my arm over and over and over....no I have to stop, this is what they want, I can't do something that will make my future worse, that will only add more pain. I have to find worth in my life before I do something I regret. I took deep breaths. I have to stop being weak. I don't have time for that. I can't be weak. Can't be weak. I chant this in my head. I go out and get clothes from my cupboard and then take a shower to calm me down. I then brush my hair till its nice and silky and change into black tights with a black  'BIGBANG' band T. I smile at myself wearily and brush my teeth before putting on some lip gloss. I looked WAY better now than I did before. I pick my phone from the floor. I dropped it on the way here. I have been in here for 45 minutes. My heart drops slightly as I realise no one came to check up on me. No what are you talking about. It's a good thing. No one pays attention to you. It makes things easier.
I sighed and went out, I nearly had a heart attack as I saw Evan sitting on my bed.