Eye See

Chapter 32: Optimism

Shakil's POV

She left the world on a cloudy Monday. November first. Four days before my twentieth birthday. The funeral, the ceremony (I prefer to use that term, it's much more soothing) was nice, small and intimate. It was me, David, our close family (the ones we used to see each Sunday) and some of her work friends. That was all. That was probably all she would have wished for too. Even in her beautiful white coffin, her face was still impeccable. She looked light, peaceful and only asleep. Not dead. She is resting in peace. 

There was a time reserved for the speeches. Almost everyone said a few words about and to my mother. David spoke, a lot. It was nice, though. Very touching. He loved her, he really did. And all of the bad things I said about them, I felt immediately bad and miserable. Judging my mom's relationship. So disrespectful. When David was finished speaking, everybody looked at me as if they were expecting me to say something. I have to say something but what? What can I say that is worth the listen except I love you? 'Cause that's all I got right now. I love you, I love you, I love you, and I wish I could've told you it more often when you were alive. I think of Sapphire and what she would have wanted me to do, if she was here. She would have wanted me to say something, obviously. At least a couple of words. Come on, it's your mother. Without realizing it, I place myself next to her coffin and start to speak.

- Ladies and gentlemen, we are all gathered here today to cherish the soul of my long, lost, beloved mother. The only one I had and the only one I want. This isn't the end but the beginning, that's what my momma told me on her death bed. She told me this because she knew how I would react once she passes away. She knew how I would have felt. This ain't only a speech designated for my mother but for all of ya'll. After this ceremony, ya'll promise me one thing; continue to live. That's right, you get out of here and put up a bright smile because it ain't over. Okay? It doesn't end here, it continues and it never stops. I know it's hard, it always has been but you got one life to live and it better darn well count. As long as we got each other, we can go through this. This isn't the end; momma's soul resting in a better place now. And as long as you believe, she'll always be here, looking after us. Now maybe this might sound foolish for some of ya'll but I'm only nineteen. I'm just a kid tryna stay optimistic after the death of my mother. Eat well, laugh often and love always. Don't forget to smile! Rest in peace, momma. Thank you.

Everybody was applauding. Some are even crying, like David, for instance. There I did it. I said my last words to my mother and to all of ya'll.

*****

We haven't spoken much since the ceremony. It's good that way because there isn't much left to say. I mean, we both know how the conversation is going to end up. It's about five o'clock in the p.m. We all had a late lunch and then everyone went their separate ways with a bright smile, hopefully. David's silently driving back to our home. Our home. I'm guessing David's gonna become my legal guardian now since I don't have any older brothers and sisters nor a father. He's the only one I have. Once we reach home, David turns off the engine and quickly gets out of the car while I was still taking off my seat belt. He did leave the door open for me to enter inside. I get in the house, close the door and look around. No signs of David anywhere. I figure he is in his room pouring his soul out. I sigh. It is hard, it is hard for everyone. I take off my fancy shoes and head to my bedroom. I close the door behind me and find my stack of weed that I haven't smoked in a while. Lately, I've been preoccupied with Sapphire and that insane family that I haven't thought of rolling a joint once. But I got fired and my mom passed away so I figured I would just smoke one time. It feels so good that it instantly puts my mind to ease. I'm soothed, relaxed, comfortable. I'm high. I feel like I can fly myself out of here and go any place I wanna go. 

As I'm about to knock out, I spot something unusual on my night table. There's a white envelope. I don't keep these type of shits on my night table. Although I'm high as fuck, I'm still able to read it. It says from Sapphire to Shakil Bruno and my house address. I don't remember me telling her my house address. How does she know it? I tear the envelope apart and start to read the letter.

Hey Shakil, it's me again. Please note that I did not type this on the computer. I wrote it on a piece of paper and then Big Boy typed it out for me. I then asked Big Boy about the place where you came from-like how did you get to find us, you know. And Big Boy told me that you came from a place called We Care. He found their phone number on the Internet, dialed it for me and passed me the phone. I spoke to many people but one guy in particular told me that he knew you and gave me your address. That's how you received this letter, okay? I'm not a God. I did not miraculously guess it. I don't wanna waste your time. I heard you've been fired. Congratulations. No sarcasm intended. It's not you, it's not the house, it's the people living in it. But you knew that. Don't worry, you're still young you'll find another job. I forgot why I am writing this... oh yea!  Shakil, I'm taking your advice. I'm not staying here much longer. I'm actually moving to Mexico. With Big Boy. Don't worry, we're okay. I've been planning this ever since, for many years now. I'm okay, I got this. We both have our passports and enough luggage. The guy I spoke with on the phone said that he knew a family over there, glad to take us both. Everything's perfect. I hope you're happy 'cause I know I am. We are. I'll finally get to live a pleasant life and Big Boy'll get the childhood he missed out on. Don't forget; I'm doing this because a wise, beautiful man once told me that as long as I stay here, I won't be okay. Oh, he is a very wise man because he was right all along!  So that's about it for me. I wanted to share this with you because... well it's clear that I love you and I wanted you to know about it. Thank you for your amazing company, Shakil. Maybe we'll see each other one day. Well, you will see me but I'll know it's you. And remember; you can only see as far as you think.

Much love, Sapphire and Big Boy.

By the time I was finished, my joint burnt out. Mexico? Why Mexico? Why so far? Think about the new beginning she'll have. Think about all the happiness Sapphire will have. Think about that and stay optimistic. Think about the fact that she called you a beautiful wise man. Beautiful and wise! Think about the fact that she loves you. Somebody loves you. Sapphire loves you! I love her too! I love that girl so much that I couldn't picture my life without her brief appearance in it. Nothing would be the same without Sapphire in my life. Nothing.