Eye See

Chapter 19: Hospital visit

Shakil's POV

September first, already. It went fast. My birthday is in two months and four days. November fifth. I'm 'bout to be twenty, damn. I remember, my mother once told me that my father's birthday was September second. It randomly came out of her mouth, a while ago, when I was a little boy. I don't see why I'm remembering this, it's irrelevant. I don't have a father. But when I stared at her from the hospital bed, I somehow remembered it. It was like those instant flashbacks I use to have from the Mexican guy. It's been about a week that momma in the hospital. A week that I'm stuck living with "her man"! This nigga should have an off button on his lips. He just won't shut up! But he cooks good so I let him speak, most of the time. Me and momma used to argue all the time but now it's like I miss her. I want her back home again. I don't wanna live with this gay ass. She won't speak. I gotta constantly be asking her asking her questions for her to communicate with me.

- Momma?

- Shakil.

- Why you in here?

- I don't know... It's my throat, my migraines... and my chest. Oh, dear Lord, my chest... It's in pain, Shakil. I don't know why...

Chest, throat, migraines. I can only associate these symptoms, when it comes to my mother, to yelling. It's the only thing I know that might be accurate. The thing is, that day, I came back from work and "her man" told me that she was in the hospital. It couldn't have been me. Something happened between them two.

- How'd ya get here? What happened?

- I-I don't remember...

- You serious?

- Yes.

- It must be the yelling.

All I heard, afterwards, was the different noises of the machines she was plugged on. As long as her heart was still beating, I'm okay.

- When do you think you will be out of here? I'm tired of David's ass.

- When the time is right, she whispers.

That still don't tell me when will you be out of here. When will the time be right? What if the time is never right? Whenever she comes out of the hospital, it better be soon because I lowkey miss her around the house. The sound of her voice, yelling or not, not this croaking whispering shit. I don't even recognize her anymore. She looks like an old granny that's about to die. But she ain't old, at all.

- Ma, your hair...

- Yes, it's leaving.

The room went silent for a while, while the machines plugged on her continued to make unique noises out of them. The time sure ain't right.

- How's work?

- It's okay. Getting paid and all.

- Let it go.

- Let what go?

- Just let it go.

I take a deep breath and surprisingly have a lot to say about work.

- Everything's all strange. The family, I'm talking 'bout. The father is never home, the mother has a mean attitude towards everyone except Terrence, the little boy. Maia needs to simmer down and find something else to do with her life instead of turning up at the club. Big Boy needs to learn how to be a man 'n stop crying over everything. Terrence... well, he jus' a kid and Sapphire...

- Another girl?

- Yea, another one.

- What's wrong with her?

- She blind, ma. She can't see anything. Since I've been there, she the one I talk to the most. Actually, she's the one that does the most talking but me, I listen to her stories about the family and stuff. Ion know, she weird but not all that weird. When I speak wit' her, I forget that she only nineteen sometimes.

- It's called maturity.

- Yea, that.

- And why do you think she's weird?

- Ion know... she blind and all, you know.

- Blind doesn't make you weird, Shakil.

It doesn't? I'm surprised. Okay, maybe it doesn't make her weird but there's something about her that isn't all that conventional. Normal type of thing. You see what I'm saying?

- Sapphire's different. Different is nice, Shakil.

- Being normal is good too.

- Did you take your philosophy classes? What is normal? The thing that is normal for you may not be normal for her. Normality is very personal, Shakil. Being different is good because at least, she can't say that she's like everyone else, momma whispers. 

All this time, when I thought being normal was the shit, ain't? Momma just told-whispered-me something else but it still sounds logical. It makes sense. So Sapphire makes sense... but do I? I mean, I pride myself on being normal but I clearly don't even know what the hell it means anymore. All I know is that I'm Shakil Bruno.

- But... what is your job?

- I clean their house. All damn day.

- So you're able to clean their house but you can't keep your own house clean? It doesn't make any sense.

The parents and the Mexican guy paying me. I'm pro'lly rich by now but not rich enough. I need more, just more of it. Until I'm satisfied. Then I'll quite this stupid job and buy me a condo with my three hoes. One of them will have to be Kierra and the fine White bitch at We Care. Ion give a fuck if she married.

- It's my job, mom.

- But it's your chores and I'm your mother... Don't get too money hungry, Shakil. It's not worth it.

- I'm still getting rich.

- But it's still your job and it's not all about the money. You know that right? Anyways, just stay focused. Don't entertain that family too much, I don't like them. Stick with Sapphire, I like her. And... Terrence, possibly.

- Will do. I always speak with Sapphire.

- That's excellent. She's a good kid to learn from and listen to.

Ma, you don't even know her. How can you say such things? Learn from? Did I learn something from hearing her speak about how she don't like her family? Not really. Or maybe I did and I jus' don't know.

- Sapphire says that I don't listen.

- She's not lying. It's the truth. You never listened to me. That's why I gotta constantly be yelling on you.

- Sometimes you yell for fun.

- Who would do that? I never yell for fun. There's a reason for everything.

- It's prolly why you here. 'Cause David made you mad.

And I'll forever hate him for that. It's that time of the day again; time to make this cash.

- Momma, I'm heading to work.

- Oh, yes, of course. 

What Imma suppose to do now? Isn't the hug and kiss time when you leave your mother in the hospital? I hate those times, so awkward. But I ain't gon' leave my mother like that.

- Can I hug you?

- Why you ask?

I lean on her hospital bed and hug her. She smells like White people spaghetti, disgusting. That's probably all she been eating for the past days. Poor her.

- I'll see you when I'm free.

- Okay, Shakil, I love you. And tell Sapphire I said hi.

- Will do.

I love you too, mom.