Secrets (Fanfic about McFly)

Chapter 8.

Author's note

This chapter is dedicated to MariaJLS, because she is the first ever to comment on my story. Thank you for that! Hope you enjoy this chapter as well!

'Are you coming' I hear Dougie say. I look up and there he is standing in the opening of the door. Of course he would go inside, but I was deep invested in my own thoughts. I seriously needed to have a talk with him, but my mind kept saying something different. It made me feel insecure. I was afraid to lose him over this. To me that would be devastating, because he became a part of my life. 

'Yeah, I'm coming' I said. 

We walked slowly to the counter, Starbucks was packed at this time of the day and there was no place for us to sit down, so we decided to head back to the studio. But not before we ordered drinks for the guys as well. Dougie told me if he wouldn't they would be mad. Not really mad, but funny mad. He didn't it explain it very well, but I understood what he meant. 

'Hey guys,' I said 'here is your coffee'. They were very happy that we brought them drinks. I looked around the studio room and was trying not to make a sound. I was excited. I haven't been in a recording place before and was curious as how they would record a album. My dream was to record something of my own someday, but I wasn't to sure if that dream would ever happen. 

The guys were busy talking with someone about the album and that the guy would come by at the hotel tonight to help them with whatever they needed for the album. I hoped they didn't mind me listening to what they were saying and even if they were it wasn't my fault. 'Guys, do you have a computer I can use?' I asked. 'Yeah, you can use mine. It's on the chair.' Dougie said. It suprised me that he didn't mind me on his computer. If anyone would ask me if they could access my computer I wouldn't let them. I defend my laptop with my life because my most personal things are on it, it's the same with my iPhone. That's why there is a password on both of them. 

I opened my own personal blog, it wasn't private but it was a place where I could write about everything. No one knew it was me, at least I hoped not. I do have a lot of people who follow my blog and ask me questions every now and then. I don't mind answering as long as they were not about who I was. I wanted to be anonymous. 

Usually I would update my blog every night, but since I hadn't gotten the chance to do it last night I had to do it now. 

Just an ordinary day

You guys know almost everything about me and most of the time I don't really care what I tell you. You guys only know me by this blog and it's anonymous. I know that I've never told you why and you have asked me about it quite often. It's because of what I'm going through. I rather tell a stranger what happened to me than that I tell someone who can see me. The Internet for me is something out of this world. I needed to tell someone here what is going on and I do have people I can trust, but I don't really feel like bothering them with this. I know they would care, but I don't and can't do it. 

A few day ago I met someone new. I'm not gonna tell you his name, cause he is a well known person. It would destroy his privacy. But he went to something quite similar as me and I haven't told him that we're having the same kind of problems. I am afraid that he wouldn't want to be close with someone who's going through the same kind of things. It probably sounds very silly for someone like me, but I really want him to like me and I don't wanna loose him. I know I've only known him for a few days, but it feels like forever. Tell me what to do please?

I read through it a couple of times until I was happy with it. It was a short one, but I knew they would be happy with it anyway. 'Are you done, cause I need it soon?' Dougie asked. 'Yeah, I'm done.' I said and handed him the laptop. 

Hours had passed and the boys were still busy with the new album. I had to patience myself not to ask many questions, cause that would probably show that I had way more interest in their music than they thought. I don't know why I don't just tell them that their music was all I listened to these days. But in my head it's something personal. I rather have them finding out by accident, than me telling them. So I let it be.

While the guys were still busy with their music, I was in my own little world thinking about everything that had happened the last few weeks or even months for that matter. I remembered that I was in desperate need of some essential things. Things that I left behind back home. I wrote down the things that I still needed to make my house look like an actual home. Right now I wouldn't let anyone visit me because it might scare them away. As I was writing things down, the list kept growing and soon it was two pages long. 

 As I was looking through the pages to figure out if I might have forgotten something, I heard Dougie talking to the others about what to do for dinner. It seemed that he wanted to be alone with me and tried to explain that to the guys. As far as I could hear they were fine with it. 

'Jen, me and you are getting some food together. The guys are going home to their girlfriends. Is that okay?' He asked. 'Yeah, that's fine by me.' I smiled. 

Before I knew it we were sitting in a little cozy Mexican restaurant, all the way in the back. I assumed it was because Dougie didn't want to be recognized. It was one of those tables with only a small couch, you had to sit next to eachother. This is the place where couples go out to dinner. Dougie put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. 'Finally we are alone.' he said.