Black And Blue [Slowly Editing]

Chapter 13

"When people becom lonely and isolated, whatever social skills they had tend to atrophy from misuse."

-Chris Segrin

Jane

I shook my head and went back to the lounge. I then stood in the middle of the room.

"Okay, we have to practice, so everyone; out."

People groaned and slouched back into the couch. "Why do you kill everything, we did nuffin'?" Ben said.

"Because it's either get your nuffin ass out, or get out."

I started walking towards the bathroom, hoping they got the message that they needed to leave, and that the people doing there thing also heard me. I checked to see that no one was in the bathroom before I walked in. The first thing I did was look into the mirror.

Was it true that I do kill everything? Was I too bossy? Was it necessary? Was I necessary?

I sighed, not knowing what to do, what to think. We just need to preform an easy song, leave, and the guys can settle down and be able to preform a better song. But I wasn't sure if I could, if I was up to even preform. But I couldn't let people down, not like I did to myself.

I stopped thinking and that's when I realized the bus was empty. It literally was a representation of my heart.

I really do have bad social skills. Austin was my only savior.

It felt wrong mostly relying on Austin for everything. I was basically his lost puppy. I was probably bothering him like I do to the rest of humanity. I couldn't interact with others well, an invisible hand was just always choking the words down. I rather curl up in a little ball and hide.

I sighed. I can't do this to myself.

The anger started disappearing. Now, I almost felt bad for yelling at them. What if they hate me now? What if they kicked me out of the band? I messed up.

I mess everything up.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to stop thinking. I wanted to die. My life wasn't okay, it wasn't fixed. All I did was put whiteout on pen.

No, what I needed was to start all over. But I only have one life.

I don't think I was going to get out of the bathroom to practice anytime soon.

I looked into the mirror again. I wish was strong enough to resist the urge to shatter the mirror in a billion pieces. I just wanted to see it crumble like I did.

I didn't know when, but the tears started coming down. I crumbled right then and there. The sobs filled my ears.

There was just so much weight on my shoulders, and all I'm trying to do is live my life. I'm supposed to be happy, but I'm only getting colder. I wear a smile but there's a demon inside.

I fell back on the wall and slowly sat down. I looked inside of the cabinet thing under the sink for my anti-depressants. I slowly opened the container. I took three, no water.

I laid on the floor and stayed there, crying my eyes out. My eyes closed, just wanting to sleep forever.

But maybe that was just how it was meant to be.

***

I woke up with someone shaking me.

"Shh, it's okay, I'm here now."

***THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN UPDATED FROM ITS ORGINAL VERSION***

I am so sorry for not updating in such a long time. I've been busy with school, my sleep schedule being four hours or nothing because of school, I haven't been feeling emotionally well, I'm dealing with relationships and stuff, but I no more excuses! I will try to be here now :) ALSO OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS FOR GETTING ME TO 1.23K ❤

Btw stop right here.