CHAPTER 14

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There was this one time, when I was about fourteen years old, that I'd thought that I'd truly been heartbroken. I'd been an awkward thing - even more so than now, with very little sense of any real self expression, but that was about the time I'd met and grown close to Jisoo. I was enamored with him - the flutters in my stomach wouldn't subside when he was near, the aching in my chest worsened when he smiled, and a stupid grin was consistently plastered on my face in his presence. I'd liked him a lot, and he'd liked me too. Unfortunately, I was his buddy. His Jeonghan. His friend. He usually joined me for lunch, but this particular time he was nowhere to be found. Only minutes later had he come strolling in, his arm wrapped affectionately around the waist of this pretty blonde girl with a large bust and a blindingly white smile. I was devastated. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep for nights on end; all because I was sure he wasn't like me. I had a broken heart.

That was the last time I'd felt that dull, throbbing sensation resonating through my chest or the awful sickness tightened in my stomach. It was the last time my mind had been plagued with racing thoughts of what if what if.

Until now.

I sat within the cushions of Wonwoo's oversized sofas, my body stiff and my eyes moving only to catch glimpses of Wonwoo gliding from the kitchen to the living space with a hot pizza box and a DVD. My mind was elsewhere. I felt sick - I felt, God I didn't know what I felt. I knew Junhui was back at the apartment, giddily brushing his hair and picking out the best clothing and applying the finest cologne onto his delicate little neck. I knew he was slinking into a long v neck shirt revealing his tanned chest, the front dipped low so Seungcheol could peek every so often. So Seungcheol could know what he'd be offered later in the evening. And seeing Seungcheol leave half an hour prior, his warm brown eyes looking everywhere but mine just about did me in. He sauntered out in dark blue jeans, a white low v neck shirt with an olive green jacket, his hair brushed and pushed back to reveal his piercing. The scent of his damn cologne and body wash - both which I knew all too well at this point - still lingered in the air long after he left.

It made me want to vomit.

I tried to avert my mind to something - anything but the disgusting date my roommate and Seungcheol were going on tonight. My mind wandered only for a moment as I observed that Wonwoo's place was almost identical to Seungcheol's - only Wonwoo's was much messier, with clothing thrown over random furniture pieces and half-eaten packs of skittles sitting open on the counter. I also tried to amuse myself by observing the attire of Wonwoo instead; he was still dressed in those flashy blue track pants and fitted black hoodie. His hair was a chaos and all out of place but the most noticeable difference in him was the lack of makeup on his sharp features. He wore no heavy liner or smoky shadows on his eyes, and I couldn't help but notice that he looked good - if not better - without the cosmetics.

He noticed me staring at him and rolled his eyes as he sat down next to me, causing the cushions to sink in slightly. "Don't look at me," he sighed dramatically. "I'm a creature."

"Please," I snorted, watching him lean forward with a smile to set the box of hot pizza on the coffee table between us. "You couldn't look bad if you tried."

He scoffed and sat back, a can of soda in one hand. With a manicured finger, he pulled the tab open, letting a light sizzle erupt from the small opening. "I look awful and that's that." He paused, motioning to the pizza. "Help yourself. I'm sorry if you don't like thick crust but it's Seungcheol's favorite."

His gaze darkened and my chest tightened. "It's fine," I offered with a small smile, reaching forward to rip a slice from the pie. "A pizza's a pizza to me."

Wonwoo sighed, mimicking my motion and pulling a slice for himself. Reaching for the remote, he clicked on the television and the opening menu for the DVD. He pressed play with a sigh, making a face as the opening credits began. "Well I'm glad the pizza is alright because this movie is fucking ridiculous."

I glanced over at him, "You've seen it?"

He nodded as he took a large bite from his slice, licking at some excess sauce from his lower lip. "Yeah," he said between chews, his eyes flitting to the screen. "It's one of Seungcheol's favorites, we've seen it at least a dozen times."

I frowned slightly, taking a small bite out of my own slice. "Does he ever watch movies you like?"

"Oh yeah," Wonwoo replied, taking a deep gulp from his soda can. He sighed heavily and set the drink down, smiling slightly. "He'll never admit that he likes 'The Vow'."

I laughed against my slice of pizza in disbelief, swallowing quickly to avoid choking and looking at the lanky form next to me with wide eyes. "You're serious?" I asked, bewildered. "Seungcheol likes that movie?"

Wonwoo grinned, casting a little glance at me. "I'd usually tell you to keep it a secret - " he paused, his brown gaze hardening again. " - But considering the circumstances, I'd say the bastard deserves it."

I chewed my lip awkwardly, unsure of what to say. "I'm..." I licked my lips, desperate to think of how the hell to piece together a coherent sentence. "...I'm sorry, Wonwoo," I finally managed. "That was really shitty of him."

"No kidding," he sneered. "I just... I can't even fucking believe him." He swallowed hard, shaking his head. "It's not even about the stupid movie and pizza, it's... it's more than that, you know? It's our thing... it's... it's us."

"You're close with him," I observed quietly.

"He's a huge pain in my ass," he laughed, smiling to himself. "But he's my best friend, my... my other half. We have a connection, I don't know... it's hard for other people to understand, I guess."

"No, I get it," I said softly, a subtle smile tugging at my lips. "You're brothers, it's understandable."

He looked over at me, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. "Do you have any siblings?"

I looked down, my jaw clenching only slightly. "Yes." When he was silent, I assumed he wanted me to elaborate. Hesitantly, I did. "An older brother and sister."

"Ah," he nodded. "Much older?"

"No, not much older."

Wonwoo nodded to himself, chewing his lower lip gently. Finally, he looked up and asked the question I was inwardly begging him not to.

"Are you close?'

Dammit.

"...No."

He frowned, disappointment evident on his soft features. "That's no good," he murmured sincerely. "If I didn't have Seungcheol I don't know what I'd do."

I smiled to myself. It was clear that Wonwoo was speaking of Seungcheol in an attempt to remind himself that although he was a complete moron, he was still his brother, his best friend. And in a way it was soothing for me as well, hearing something about Seungcheolthat proved that he wasn't such a heartless bastard all of the time. It was also incredibly endearing sitting next to a person that felt so strongly for another. It was an almost surreal experience and helped calm the uneasy achiness in my ribs.

"How long have you been in New York?" he asked through a mouthful of hot pizza. The movie echoed behind us, a variety of combat noises and gunshots resonating through the apartment. It was obvious neither one of us had any interest in watching it, but I didn't mind. It was kind of nice getting to know the 'sweeter' Seungcheol. I knew the Seungcheol I was used to would waste no time attempting to get to know me or the inner workings of my life. It was a refreshing change.

"Not long," I shrugged, flipping my pizza around to chew at the crust. "I moved out here for college a couple of years ago."

"College, huh?" he took another drink from his soda. "What are you studying?"

"I'm..." I hesitated for a moment, my cheeks flushing and my eyes falling downward. "I'm an English major," I finished with a mumble.

"English?" he repeated, his dark eyebrows cocking. He smiled playfully at me and nudged my arm teasingly. I didn't respond and merely forced a smile in his direction, the grin on his face fell. "What? You don't like it?"

"No, I love it," I answered quickly. "I love writing... and reading. I just... I love it."

"But?"

I chewed my lower lip, guilt flooding my conscience rapidly. "It's not exactly the path my family wanted me to follow."

Wonwoo snorted, his eyes rolling and his body turning slightly to face mine. "Give me a damn break - hey, hey, look at me." I obeyed and his warm eyes were locked intensely on mine, his hand on my lower arm, his touch much gentler than his brother's. "You love writing, right? Then fucking do it. Fuck your family, especially if they try to tell you what to do with your life." He smiled so softly at me and I couldn't help but let a smile graze my own mouth. "Do what you love."

I was so blown away by Wonwoo words of encouragement I couldn't speak for a moment after. How was this boy - this strangely dressed, makeup-wearing boy - so approachable and sweet and kind and understanding?

"Wonwoo," I finally said after a moment, putting one hand over his on my arm, squeezing it gently. "Thank you."

He gave me a toothy grin, his eyes gleaming playfully and squeezed my arm back before settling into his position again. I cocked my head slightly at him, watching as he pulled his third slice from the cooling pie, and wondered what his passion was.

"What do you love?" I inquired curiously.

He didn't even think for a moment. "Music."

I cocked my eyebrow in surprise, intrigued. "Music, really?"

He nodded, taking an enormous bite out of his slice of pizza, wiping at his mouth with the back of his pale hand. "Yes, Seungcheol and I both."

I laughed to myself, "So he was telling the truth then when he told me he plays guitar."

Wonwoo smiled, nodding. "Yeah, he wasn't bullshitting you."

"What do you play?"

"Nothing," He glanced over at me, wriggling his eyebrows playfully. "I sing and occasionally rap."

"Wow," I breathed, disbelief flooding my veins. "That's incredible."

"Our two best friends are in on it, too," he continued through a mouthful of food. "Bass guitar and drums."

"So you have a band?"

His eyes flitted to mine, "You could say that."

"That's awesome," I grinned, leaning back in the soft pillows of the sofa. I lolled my head to the side to glance at him. "Do you guys play for banquet halls? Or coffee shops?"

His chewing stopped immediately and the smile that had been on his lips disappeared and I knew I had fucked up with what just came out of my big stupid mouth. My cheeks flamed up and I reached forward, my eyes gleaming apologetically at the lithe figure relaxed next to me. "God, that was... that was rude, I'm sorry - " I mumbled, "I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry..."

"No, no," Wonwoo reached out, patting my leg reassuringly. He smiled at me and that eased my feelings of stupidity momentarily. "It's not that, I just figured that Seungcheol would want to tell you about it."

I inwardly sighed. He wasn't angry. I wasn't a complete fucking idiot. Thank God for that.

"I doubt it," I sighed, my gaze falling on the television screen, watching but not sinking in the obnoxious activity occurring. "He's a pretty closed person."

"Please, I see the way he interacts with you."

What?

"Wha...you what?"

He rolled his eyes, sighing heavily and leaning his head back. "I'm his brother, I see these things." He licked at his lips, his hands coming to lace together and rest on his stomach. "He's not such a hardass around you."

What?

"I don't understand..." I said slowly, carefully, my gaze shifting to him.

"Well," he cleared his throat, eyes fluttering closed lazily. "I'll put it this way. I was surprised Seungcheol even went out with that boy tonight."

I frowned slightly. "Why?"

"Other than the fact he's lowkey bi-curious, he hasn't brought anyone home in almost two weeks," he murmured sleepily, his eyelids still closed contently. "Not anything - no fucks, certainly no dates."

I swallowed hard, my pulse racing at an astonishing rate within me. My lungs were struggling to expand with each shallow intake of air and I felt as if my heart was going to stop dead in my chest cavity. I blinked rapidly, shifting closer to the half-asleep Wonwoo. "Okay..."

A very soft smile tugged upwards on his lips, a heavy exhale escaping his nostrils. "Two weeks," he repeated with another drowsy mumble. "'Bout the time he mentioned you."

My eyes widened.

Oh God.

My throat dried immediately. I told myself he's lying he's lying there's no fucking way.

But I knew he wasn't.

They were best friends, they were brothers - they told one another everything.

I licked at my lips slightly, opening them to utter a response, but Wonwoo interrupted me with a gruff, soft little sigh. "I'm tired," he muttered. Slinging an arm out across the back of the sofa, he wiggled his fingers drowsily. "C'mere."

I hesitated for a moment but ultimately found myself scooting closer to him, my head laying in the crook of his neck and bony shoulder, his slender arm coming down to curl around me. Within moments, a soft snoring noise came from his throat and his pink lips parted. He was asleep.

There was nothing romantic about curling up at Wonwoo's side. He was like the best friend I'd never had - besides Jihoon, of course. He was so kind and trustworthy and easy to talk to; a brotherly figure, almost. Regardless of that, I couldn't help but think of the differences evident between him and his brother. His body emitted a much different scent - it was softer, almost sweeter. Seungcheol's was bold, harsh, spicy, musky. His was nearly strong enough to make my head spin...

I nearly groaned aloud and wanted to slap myself for thinking of the scent of Seungcheol's damn body. Especially because Junhui was more than likely getting to know those scents in the comforts of his obnoxious rose scented sheets back at the apartment. The dry lump formed in my throat again and I curled closer to Wonwoo for some sort of comfort, begging myself to rid my mind of those disgusting thoughts. Blinking drowsily at the television, I yawned in preparation for the approaching sleep.

I fell into slumber shortly after to the sounds of Seungcheol's shitty action movie.

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