Better This Way

Not Our Fault

Siya was unpacking all her stuff and was thinking of how far she has come. Siyali Paul, an English post graduate at Cambridge. As she went over to her window side, she saw the crowded neighborhood of Chesterton. She was taking it all in. She did not miss her home much now, she was used to this   new start and she was aware of the fact that she was way stronger than she thought she was . Daddy must have caught his flight, hope he reaches home safely, she thought. 

She knew that it was painful for her Dad to send her off to London by herself. Thankfully, her mother was here at Peterborough.  Her roommate, Sarah, was talking over phone standing near the small balcony. The apartment was small and shabby, that was all she could afford. Sarah Samson, her roommate,one of her best friend  was a very chirpy girl who worked at a record label De' Angelo's. She had been working there for few months now. She is somewhat opposite to Siya. 

" Peter is asking if you're coming to party tonight!" asked Sarah. "ummm...."Siya was all lost and was in no mood for any party. "It's a no....got it" said Sarah. Yup, Sarah could read Siya like a story book. A part of Siya wanted to go out tonight but a part of her was so reluctant to take a step that it held her back from making the former decision. She was a very decisive, reasoned out, calculative and stubborn human. Not that impressive to anyone of her age group but attracted everyone with her simplicity, motives and caring nature.

"You, listen to me now. You are not thinking about that crazy stupid cynical a**hole anymore. you got it or not. he deserved what he got.You stop thinking about it.... you are not running back into that hell or i am gonna call up your mum. that'sit."  with this Sarah started off with her advisory session. Perfect. How long is she gonna go on ? thought Siya. Siya was never good with relationships. She was never good choosing the right guy it seemed. She just attracted the most Not- Her Type guys to herself like magnet.                  

" Sarah, don't vex me  now. I am all done with that sh**!"  replied Siya.

" Don't you dare make that face again...you don't listen to me girl and you always end up in trash" said Sarah watching Siya roll her eyes.

Siya could never deny that it was because of Sarah, she could survive that new London cold. Sarah was always there for her whenever she needed. Even when she hardly expressed herself, Sarah could feel what Siya wanted to convey. Siya could not keep that poker face intact in front of Sarah as she did in front of others. "So are you staying in tonight?" asked Sarah in a concerned tone. "Yup, and you better go out with your man and get few drinks. Don't be all mommy over me." said Siya. "huh. you are missing a lot of fun, girl". Sarah went to the washroom with some clothes she got hands on.

Sarah was gone in a while and Siya knew that she won't be back till next afternoon.  Siya made herself dinner. As she sat by the window and ate the fish chips, she thought about how stupid she was to think about Dan even now. Dan Fargussen, was her first crush, fantasy, love and everything. She still did not know if she was ever in love with him. But whatever it was, it was huge for her. He was her classmate, a good looking athlete and swimmer with a hidden poetic side to himself. He was a true romantic and a very broad minded fellow. Somewhat opposite to what Siya was in some matters. How did this go wrong?How could they fall out of love? How come Siya's intuition about this Posh Londoner went wrong? what did they do wrong? where did they go wrong? was it her fault? or was it just that the time was playing hard on them? As she pondered over these questions, she promised herself to never repeat this mistake Again. She is not gonna fall for some stupid, selfish, good looking, blue eyed, soft spoken white man who will let her go whenever he feels like. She was not going to let people be sorry for her. 

She jotted some points in her mind. She has an internship to work on. Her essay Paper is pending. she has to make up to her mom and have a big chat. She has to take all the garbage lying in her cupboard. She needs to get rid of  the pot hidden under her shoe closet.  She has to get going now. She cannot  keep feeling sorry over a broken relationship which went out of her hand. She slept  by the  right side of the bed with the small book Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier. As she slept, she gave away the thoughts of her past with Dan, Her guilt for hiding  so many things from her parents and her pain of loosing someone she once loved dearly. It was her first broken heart. She needed time to mend it. God only knew how long.