Suicide ↠ Kellic

Vic

I'm not okay.

I thought I was, but now I know I'm not.

Sure, Kellin makes me happy, but how long is it before he, along with everyone else leaves me?

It's bound to happen, I'm just a scared boy with more anxieties worth counting.

I guess I was happy, or less sad than usual, but reality hit me a soon as he spoke the first hurtful word to me. I realised that this hospital was the only safe place I could ever be. Once I'm out of this place, that it. I'm going to end up like I used too, broken and beat to a pulp, but now to make it worse, Mike could possibly be in danger. I didn't want to leave here, for my own selfish reason.

Faggot

Gay

Cameron's word echoed round my mind, bringing back the countless nights I would spend reminiscing the hateful words if receive throughout the day.

I really wanted to see my brother, but right now I'm to much of a mess, maybe I'll see him next week, if he bothers turning up. No doubt he's angry at me for pulling a stunt like this. He literally told me he had something to tell me and I just ran, I fucking ran. It could have been something to do with our dad, he could've been admitted to hospital, he could've killed someone and I didn't even bother listening. Now I was beginning to regret running.

Lost in this fucking forest somewhere behind the institute.

My ragged breaths have since calmed down from my 'escape,' now I was just waiting for the hospital to send out a search party. After my brother or Kellin report my absence to the office, I'd most likely end up spending a week in solitary with a boy named Michael, who spent most of his time down there since his sarcastic attitude seems to cause him a lot of time there.

I pushed my back against a nearby tree, taking in deep breaths of air, which were now foreign to me due to the amount of hospital chemicals I've been used to inhaling.

It had been almost two hours since I left. I want sure if Mike was still out there, he could've gone back home for all I know. I don't know if I ever wanted to go back there, maybe if I stay out here a little longer I'll get used to the feeling of loneliness again. The feeling wasn't particularly new, it's just that since I met Kellin I don't feel a lone anymore, and I need to be okay with feeling alone because it's not long before I'll feel it for real.

"Vic?"

And although I was prepared, I wasn't ready to be taken back.

I wanted to stay out here a little while longer.

"Vic," my brother said again, "God, I was so worried about you!"

I didn't respond, just lowered my head to hide the bruise that had marked my eye.

"Vic."

I shut my eyes tightly as my brother spoke my name once again.

"Mike."

"Where were y-"

"Here."

"Why?"

"Because I needed to get away."

"Vic, you didn't have to leave the whole site, you're in a lot of trouble when you get back due to this little stunt."

"I don't care."

"Vic," he muttered.

"What!" I snapped, "you want to finish telling me how much I've fucked up? Go ahead, it's not like I do-"

"I got someone pregnant."

And that was it, and new emotion replacing this one that was currently curled up inside me.

"You did what!"

"I'm having a kid."

"Holy fuck-" I gasped, almost excited, "how did this happen?"

"Well, I put my dick-"

"Enough, enough, I know how babies are made."

"That's what I had to tell you earlier," he smiled.

It pained me, seeing how abnormally pale his tan skin was, how instead of bright, his eyes where bruised, his body beaten.

And the worst part is that I know how it felt.

I know that I hated it when people brought it up, that's why I forcefully smiled and kept nodding, congratulating him occasionally as we walked slowly back to the hospital.

Although right now, everything seemed dark for him, his vision clouded by the hatred of others, maybe this kid would change things up.

Maybe we could be a messed up, strange family.

But family all the same.

---

I've just had a shitty day to be honest.

I was sent home from school as during French I had a huge panic attack, then I got home and the electricity broke, me and my friend fell out really badly, and I miss my old best friends, I've just cried a lot tonight, remembering good and bad things.

How is everyone else though?