In The After

3.4 CADE

"I'm at your apartment. Where are you?" I text Oliver.

"Went for an early dinner. On our way back now."

I want him away from her. You'd have thought a two hour drive would have abated my anger some. But, no. Standing in the hallway knowing that Adelaide has spent the night here alone with him...I don't trust him. I will never trust him again. While I believe in Adelaide, she was vulnerable last night thanks to my behavior. I'm now worried that he's somehow taken advantage of her.

"I love you. I hate that I've hurt you. Please forgive me and let me make things right." I desperately wish she'd just respond. I haven't heard from her all day and it's starting to kill me a little. She, the love of my life, the mother of my children...I have to make this right.

I pace the hall with it's plush carpet and art deco decor. It's track lighting and hushed feel. Those terrible years I spent living in this building, so lost in grief. I couldn't find myself until I found Adelaide. That is is the absolute truth of it. And all of that time- all of those days weeks months years of insanity- I was dying over a woman it turns out I barely knew. I wonder what else she kept from me.

I wonder if she ever really loved me at all.

And then I'm ashamed of thinking like this. I don't know how long she and Oliver were involved. But I do know, inside the shell of my newly hardened heart, that the moments we had: they were real. I loved Eliza, and I know she loved me back. I don't know what I did to lose her to Oliver, but I can't quite bring myself to negate all we had because of what they did.

I see her eyes, hear her laugh. Closing my eyes, I can still smell her scent. I feel I would recognize her touch, the satin of her skin, blindfolded. The taste of her tears, somehow still fresh on tongue.

No, we were not a ruse. Which means she and Oliver were. And through my hurt, this gives me not only satisfaction, but ammunition. I cannot retain my long friendship with Oliver because that very basic trust has been stripped away. But as with Eliza, I acknowledge that most of our history was factual. I'll mourn losing him.

After I get through feeling completely betrayed and ruined by him.

The soft ping of the elevator arriving draws my attention back out of myself. I rise as Oliver turns down the hall, then frown.

Oliver is alone.

"Where are Adelaide and Tristen?" I demand. I have to watch my tone or I'll show my hand too early. He goes in for our customary hug and I know he notices when I stiffen and step back. Raising a brow at me, he shrugs and opens his door.

"She decided to head home."

"What? You told her I was here and she LEFT?" I follow him into his place. All I can think is how much she hates me.

"Sorry, bro," Ollie says, throwing his keys on the counter and pulling two beers from the fridge. He offers me one but I shake my head. I want to just say what I need to him then get the hell out of here and home.

I stand with my arms crossed over my chest, heart starting to pound. Now that I look at him, dropping onto the couch and stretching his legs out for the coffee table, I'm getting back to being pissed at him.

"Then I'll just say what I came to say and go after her."

"And that is?" He looks over at me and something about his demeanor- an unfamiliar coldness- causes me to hesitate.

"Did you think Eliza would choose you, Oliver?"

He blinks. An infinitesimal narrowing of his eyes. And I see he knows what I'm talking about. That I know.