In The After

1.4 CADE

I saw her the moment she walked in. Of course I did. I am like a radar when it comes to Eliza, and she is my beacon. I watched her, full of a dazzling hope. She looked so beautiful and maybe her pallor seemed better and were her eyes brighter than I remembered and wasn't that a blush in her cheeks? My arms have had no idea what to do without her in them. I was coming apart without her.

I saw her but she didn't see me. And it turns out, she didn't come for me, either. My hopes dashed as she parked herself at the square bar. Then, I was nothing short of devastated when a guy approached her, clearly on the prowl. And she let him buy her a drink. Several drinks. She paid more attention to that guy than she had to me in weeks. I worked distractedly, my eyes always seeking her. I saw her laugh and lean into him and my heart shattered. She didn't remove his hand from the small of her back. I tried to blame her drunkenness.

But Eliza three weeks ago could be drunk and would still never let another man touch her. I was both stunningly jealous and completely furious. When they ended up on the dance floor, he was all over her. ALL FUCKING OVER HER. My gut roiled like I'd swallowed acid. How could she? Here, of all places? If she could do this HERE, what has she done out of my sight? I mean, I have SOME pride. While it's never been as important as her, clearly her priorities have shifted. And I was no longer one of them. 

Still, when her eyes finally found me, I could see her shock. And just like that very first moment, I felt it all the way to my toes. My heart practically stopped.

Then. Then she kissed him. While looking at me, she put those lips that I love on another man. It made me sick with envy. She hadn't let me kiss her in...

Enough.

That's when I responded. That's when I couldn't take it anymore. He was just some douche looking to get laid. But she- she is the love of my LIFE.

I am so hurt. The next morning my chest actually aches with it. I've been sleeping in the spare bedroom in Samuel's fancy Singer Island apartment. He's not home much since I holed up here. I started back to work Thursday. I couldn't sit around doing nothing. It was maddening to have so much time to THINK. And since Eliza wasn't responding to my texts, I decided work was what I needed to get out of my head.

I knew she was alright despite the radio silence. I'd been by the house Monday, in the middle of the night. She was passed out in bed, surrounded by empty beer bottles. I ached with the need to hold her. But I backed out of our room and left.

She was breaking my heart. Even then. Now, it's destroyed beyond recognition.

I feel hung over after last night, but I didn't drink a thing. I can't explain how hard it is- what a freaking tug of war my emotions have become. I threw her out of the club when all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and beg her to stop this. In spite of her behavior, I would have. If I thought for one minute she'd have let me, I'd have lifted her and carried her home without a second thought. I know how much pain she's in. I know her behavior is just camouflage. I forgive her even while I'm laying here destitute.

My phone alerts me to a message so I listlessly check it.

Eliza.

I sit up, heart suddenly hammering. Eliza?! Hastily opening the text, I read,

"I left your key on the counter. You need to go home. I'm so sorry I let you leave. I'm so sorry for last night. Please know I never meant to hurt you. I will love you my whole life." I blink. A Pearl Harbor movie quote. I reread it then immediately call her. Swearing out loud when it's picked up by voice mail, I leave one.

"Eliza. Please. Whatever you're planning, wherever you're going, don't. Just... don't run away. Everything's going to be okay. Let's just get through this, okay? I'm right here. I'll wait. As long as you need me to. Forget about last night. Truly. Please call me back." But even while I'm leaving the message, I'm out of bed, getting dressed, running to my car and racing to my house.