In The After

*PART TWO*

2.1 CADE

~ Three years later~

I pull myself out of the same nightmare that's been playing a loop in my head for nearly three years. I feel more irritation than fear now. I get it. Enough. If only I could scour my brain clean of it. Maybe then I'd feel better.

No, I wouldn't.

I open my bleary eyes, look at the time. 4am. That seems to be my witching hour. The time when my nightmare-laden dreams wake me because the alcohol has worked it's way through my system and is no longer performing it's magic.

I get up to pee, look down at my bed.

She's passed out on her belly, naked. The sheet covers her ass but her back is exposed. Her blonde hair, long and wavy, is a mess. My stomach turns looking at her.

I have to stop this.

I stumble into the bathroom, lock the door behind me. The florescents are like the apocalypse to my eyes. I splash water on my face, look at myself.

Saying I look rough would be a kindness.

My hair is too long. My beard is unkempt. I haven't been in the sun in weeks. My eyes are a lovely shade of bloodshot. The bruise on my cheek from passing out at Fiona's Nightclub last week and cracking it on the floor is a sickly green.

My stomach lurches at the taste in my mouth: stale beer and what's-her-name's down low. A wave of nausea washes over me. I grab my toothbrush, scrub until the urge to puke passes, rinse the sheen of sweat off of my face.

My eyes drop to the reflection of my chest in the mirror. Bigger than ever because working out- whether it's running on the treadmill or weights- is an excellent outlet for my deep seated anger issues.

On a sterling ball bearing chain, a medallion stamped with the letter "E". I close my fist around it and swear it burns my palm.

She would be so disappointed in what's become of me. She wouldn't even recognize me. I have taken all of my rage and hate and heartbreak and buried it in bitterness. Drowned it in alcohol. There is nothing left of the man Eliza loved.

That day destroyed him, too.

~November 29, three years ago~

Because we are less busy than anticipated, Anthony lets me go at a little after ten. I pass on my open tickets and check my phone as I'm getting in the car. I texted Eliza at ten, but she's probably either asleep or sitting up gabbing with Mandy. I decide not to bug her. To surprise her, instead.

I know she's still drinking. I realize that, soon, this very large elephant in the room will need addressed. She's doing better, though. I feel like since that night at the airport, she's starting to find herself again. I even told this to Oliver the other day. That I feel like there is hope, after all, of living our lives in peace. Happiness. I don't want to knock her off center now. I'm finally getting my Eliza back and I have missed her so much. This is what you do when you love someone- you overlook things, if for a time, and try not to rock the boat. I truly believe in just a little more time she's going to be alright all on her own. And I'll have my girl back.

I see light in our bedroom window and Mandy's car is not in the drive so I imagine she's dozed off watching a movie. When I step onto the front porch, I bend and pick up a long stemmed pink rose. I frown at this. It's a curiously random thing to find here. I look from it to the door. When I reach to open it, I realize it's already unlocked.

A shadow of concern seeps in.

I know I locked it when I left. I can't imagine Eliza not locking it behind Mandy, if she'd come.