In The After

2.3 CADE

I don't know what I thought was going to happen the last time I saw Adelaide- the first time I kissed Adelaide. Her voice is so beautiful and the song wrapped around my heart and squeezed. So I got her flowers and was hoping for another kiss. But it wasn't like I was going to get us a hotel room or anything. My disappointment when I sent her home sick seemed a little excessive, though. Even to me.

It was a letdown for sure. But I still fell asleep with a smile on my face. And we talked every day. The first day, Tuesday, I was actually a little worried because she sounded awful. Her chest sounded heavy, her voice weak. I wanted to be with her, bundle her up, give her Tylenol and chicken soup and back rubs. But all I could do was send her texts letting her know I was thinking of her.

I couldn't STOP thinking about her. The light gold color of her eyes- a topaz that is startling- the scent of her hair, the way her body fit against mine, the taste of her lips. That kiss- that she let me kiss her at all- seemed like a miracle....as was not getting sick as a result of it. The surge of emotion it caused in me- this was not some random hook up. Some girl on a whim. This girl- she meant something. Adelaide woke feelings in me I hadn't had in so long- not since Eliza-and this thought made tears rush my eyes.

Maybe it was actually possible to have TWO in 7.3 billion.

It seems unbelievable that I could be lucky enough to find a person to make me feel like this twice in my lifetime. And I pray it doesn't mean I am somehow disrespecting what Eliza and I had. I don't want to get over Eliza. Ever. But my bruised heart could sure use a little healing. Maybe even some love.

And I dig the kid. He's great. He's witty and smart and well- behaved. He's brunette with dark eyes that seem bottomless. I was surprised to see her walk up with him, and concerned about the implications with the fiancee. But I put it all to rest. Her being a single mother is not a deterrent to me- I really enjoyed spending the day with him and watching he and his mother interact. I am hoping for more of that.

I have to admit to myself that I am actively in the process of breaking up her and that twit she's engaged to. I just know, with every fiber of my being, that she and I are supposed to be together. My draw to her is impossibly strong. It has taken over my life, frankly.

"You're going to scare her off, man," Oliver warned Wednesday with an odd expression on his face. I was texting her while we were at lunch. I looked across the table at him.

"She's important, Ollie."

"I understand. Trust me- I'm freaking beside myself with glee over the change in you. You're YOU again. But she's in a relationship she hasn't taken herself out of yet. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you back in the hole." I shoved a forkful of salad in my mouth.

"Not gonna happen."

"So if she tells you to fuck off?" he asked. I pointed my fork at him.

"Not gonna happen," I grinned. He rolled his eyes but said no more.

On Thursday night I went to bed secure in the knowledge that Adelaide was feeling better and planned to work on Friday night. That I would be able to see her even though she warned that her fiance tended to hang out there on Fridays. I fell asleep with that happy anticipation fluttering around in my belly.

Then my phone woke me at the ungodly hour of 1:30am. My heart dropped to see Alexander's name.

When I left Jupiter after Eliza's death, I left everyone in my life as well. Including my family and close friends. Everything about all of them screamed Eliza and I was like a lunatic crouched in a corner with my hands over my ears trying to block out the noise. I am more than a little disappointed in myself. They had left me in peace after the first few months of no response to their calls and texts. The fact that he's calling me now, in the middle of the night, after all of this time, is unsettling. I answer with trepidation.