voices | phan au

Chapter Ten

(A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter. Also, there is a TRIGGER WARNING)

(PHILS POV)

It was the first day of year eleven. It had almost been a year when I decided to pick up my guts and tell Dan how I felt.

Unfortunately, Dan was still depressed, self harming, on mute and has a case of anorexia. I was helping (I hope) I was still the fluffy character I was, but, I am human and I do have my bad days as well. 

I hadn't seen Dan all day and I was getting a little worried. I've left him so many messages and voice mails. He just wasn't picking up nor was he is school. He usually texts me back?

When the last bell rang, I packed my bags and shot out of school, walking home. Or should I see if Dan's home?

So I did so. When I was walking towards his house, I had a think. Dan still hasn't told his parents about 'us.' I mean, I've told my parents and they were completely supportive of me, I mean they always have been. I don't know, but what ever is good for Dan. I just really hope that he tells them by the end f the year, actual year not school year.

When I reached the Howell house hold, no cars were to be seen and the front door was at ajar. I walked along the narrow pathway and pushed the door as slow as I could. I forced the door to creek seeing if that would grasp someones attention. Fail.

"Mr.Howell? Mrs.Howell? Dan?" I say loud and clearly.

"Hello?" I said, louder and more worried than before.

A loud thud came down from above me. The bathroom. SHIT. There was a number of explanations for this thud, but one stood out.

I raced upstairs, throwing my bag on the floor and sprinting towards the bathroom door .Once I reached the bathroom, the door was locked.

"Dan? Dan?! DAN?!?" I shout, hitting the door, making a few indents. All that could be heard was coughs.

I guess I was hitting the door for so long, hard enough for me to have loosened the lock and so, I barged through the door.

What I saw was awful.

(A/N: trigger warning)

In a pool of thick blood lay an insecure, blood soaked boy by the name of Dan Howell. The cuts he had created were on his wrists, thighs, neck and stomach. Needless to say they were basically everywhere.

"Dan! Oh my god Dan" I yell, running towards him and trying to pick him up, tears were beginning to form in the corner of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

I dived towards him and shook him. His eyes were open, however, they were slowly shutting, he was drifting out of consciousness. Crying and crying, I hugged him, thinking that would wake him up. I felt useless, not knowing what to do. What can I do? I can't do anything! I'm not a doctor! Doctor. doctor? HOSPITAL! Call an ambulance!

I dived towards the phone and dialled 999 and explained the situation.

"And Hurry!" I added before hanging up.

The ambulance was there really quickly.

"Sorry, family only."The man called, as I tried to get in the van.

"I'm his boyfriend!" I screech.

"You're not family!" He shouted, slamming the door in front of my face and driving away.

I'm not family? What? But I'm his boyfriend. I'm not family? I really not family am I? I'm nothing really. I can't even look at the person I love. Did I cause this? Was all this my fault? Did I make him do this? Oh yeah, I forgot. Of course I did. I'm not family...

My head spun, the words haunted me and I remembered: I'm not family.

I can't mope around. I have to help my boyfr- Dan.

I ran home, jumped in my car (17 and proud) and drove as fast as I could without getting fined. Once I reached the hospital, I ran towards reception.

"Hi, yeah. Dan Howell? Is he here?" I asked, wheezing.

"Ummm, what are you to him?" She asked.

She had long pointy fake nails and bleach blonde hair. She was caked in make up and faked a beauty mark. She was a basic bitch Barbie doll. Her tone was unsettling and her attitude was awful.

"I'm his boyfr- Partner." I said.

"So, you're engaged to him? And you're in school?" She asked, examining my clothes with a filthy look.

"No! We're just together! Look, just tell me where he is!" I said getting really pissed off.

She sighed. "Well, you'll have to come back during visiting hours."

"That is?" I asked.

"Next one is in six hours." She said with no emotion in her face or words.

I gritted my teeth and stood aside to see what she was going to say to the woman behind me.

"Jason?" The girl asked. "I'm his girlfriend." She announced proudly.

"Of course! Ward 3, bed 12." The barbie doll exclaimed.

That homophobic bastard.

I didn't argue.

I'm not family.

Those words flung around my head as I walked around town, grabbing something to eat. (What else was I supposed to do for six hours?!) I wondered around until I was aloud back. Time flew by and I went back. When I walked in, it was a different receptionist. Maybe she will be nicer?

"Hi, yeah." I started worrying about Dan again. "Yeah, Dan? Howell? Is he here?" My voice was shaking and the image of him lying on his bathroom floor came flying back to the from of my mind.

"Ward 2 bed 3."

I didn't thank her. I was worrying way to much. When I was in town, (obviously Dan was in my mind) but I go distracted. Flooding my mind with thoughts of Dan and what I saw, not realising it was 10:00pm.

I didn't care, at this moment in time, Dan was my main priority.

I came to ward two and bursted through the doors. Then, I saw Dan. He was lying there, with his eyes closed and his skin pale and dead. I took a big gulp and took small steps towards the bed. I sat on the chair provided and stroked his hair. His lips were grey and his whole body, through what I could see, was pale and lifeless.

"Why?" I croaked to no one, with a lump in my throat.

"I thought I was helping..." I said aloud to no one, staring down at the floor, watching as my tears hit the floor.

Time went by and it was now midnight and I could feel myself drifting off to sleep. He head hit the back of the chair and I still had mine and his hands intertwined. I was about to fall asleep, until: "I think you should go home." A nurse said to me. I nodded understandingly and kissed his fore head.

(THE NEXT DAY)

I was crying on my way to school. I walked into form and exclaimed:

"You fucking bastards."

(A/N: That was the longest chapter ever. I will see you later Xxxx)