Even Fat Girls need love.

Goodbye

So, after the talking at the park, Hayden and I went back to the coffee shop and got hot chocolate. He doesn't like coffee, no, he hates coffee. Just like me. He made me feel a little better, but I don't know how I'm going to face Alex. I don't understand why he flipped on me! I don't understand anything anymore. I want to just get away from all this shit and start over. Be done with drama for once in life. Just once, that's all I'm asking for. But everyone knows that's not happening.

"Hey, everything alright?" Hayden asked as he sat down.

"No. I just don't understand anything anymore."

"It's okay, baby girl." I know we're not dating but I like it when he calls me that. It's always made me feel important.

"I think I better go check on my grandma. Thanks for a wonderful day, Hayden." I made an effort to smile a little.

_____________________

"I'm home gram!" I called, walking into the house. It was quiet, and not good quiet. "Gram?" I called again. The house was eery and silent. "Alex?" I called.

I turned on the kitchen light. I took in my surroundings as the kitchen lit up. Nothing was out of the normal, everything seemed fine, nothing missing or broken. This was wrong. I had to be missing something. I searched every room of the house, nothing was out of the norm. Everything was fine. Something weird was happening. I didn't want to be alone. I called Alex but he didn't answer, he must still be mad. I called gram, no answer. The only other person I could call was Hayden.

The phone rang for a few seconds before I heard him pick up. "Hey Em," He said, I could image a small smile on his face.

"Hey!" I said while biting my lip. "Are you busy?"

"No not at all, what's up?"

"I'm home alone and I really can't be alone," I said, still biting my lip. Nerves filled my stomach. 

"Yeah! Of course, I'd love to come over." 

"Thank you, I'll text you my address, how soon can you be here?" I ask trying to hide the desperation in my voice. 

"Just depends on how far your house is from mine! I'll be there as fast as I can?" 

"Thank you so much, Hayden," I say into the phone, relief flooding my face. As soon as I hung up I texted him the address. I sat on the couch, nervous flooding back to my stomach. Where is my gram? I called her again but still no answer. She must be doing something. But what?

My phone started vibrating in my hand. I immediately look. Alex. I answer and quickly put the phone to my ear.

"Hmm," I heard him moan. "Hmm."

"Oh god, oh god!" I heard a feminine voice exclaim. I heard more grunting and some explicit words were screamed before I hung up with tears slipping down my face. I knew he used sex to forget but I didn't know it would hurt so much. I pulled my knees to my chest as a sob escaped my lips. I don't know if I really loved Alex or if I just loved how he made me feel. And now I don't have him to make me feel okay. 

A knock on the door broke me from my thoughts. I wiped the tears that were following down my face. It was no use because they kept falling. When I opened the door even more tears fell. 

"Hey," Alex whispered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Can we talk?" 

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I inhaled shakily and motioned for him to come in. I looked at him. I really looked at him. His shoulders slumped and he looked tired. His hair was messy from his previous activities. "So. Talk." I said, wiping the tears from my face, finally stopping.

"I'm sorry Em, I'm sorry for overreacting this morning. And I know you heard my phone call. I'm sorry about that," He said, guilt wafting off him.

"Sorry only goes so far, Alex. Hayden's on his way over, might as well tell you now," I said with a sigh. I saw the anger cross into his eyes. "Don't fight with him. I can't deal with this. I couldn't be alone tonight, not after all this shit you're putting me through. Have you heard from my grandma?" I asked.

"No, not since this morning. Can't we talk about it?"

"What's there to say, Alex?" 

"I don't know, I just don't want us to be over," He said with a sad look in his eyes.

"We don't have to stop being friends, but I've been thinking. I don't think we love each other, we just love having someone there for us. We're better off as friends and I think both of us know that." I said. "I love you, but as nothing more than a friend. It's better we know now anyway."

He sighed as another knock sounded at the door. "I'll go pack my stuff up. I guess it is time I face my parents again, eh?" He asked me. I nodded softly. 

"Thank you for understanding, Al." I gave him a sad smile. "We'll be okay," I said as I walked away from him.

"Hey, Hayden," I whispered. He took one look at my tired face and quickly wrapped his arms around me. The few days we'd known each other had changed me so much. For the better, he made me safe. Really safe and really cared for. Alex made me feel safe, but he didn't make me feel truly cared for. 

"Emily," He whispered as he hugged me tighter. "Are you okay?" 

"I am," I replied honestly, looking up into his hazel eyes. "I really am."

"Good-" He started to say something else but he heard footsteps coming towards us. "Whose that?" He asked quickly letting me go.

"It's Alex, he's getting his stuff. He's moving out. It's okay," I assured quickly.

"Bye Emily, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you've done for me. I really appreciate it," He said as he walked out the door with his suitcase full of his stuff. I felt him taking a tiny piece of me with him. He wasn't in my life for long but he showed me his true colors at the end of the day. I hope he finds someone to be happy with, he deserves it. I'm not sure if we'll see each other again but I certainly hope he is happy.

"Can we watch a movie?" I ask Hayden as I shut the door.

"I'll make the popcorn," He confirmed walking towards the kitchen.

One less thing to worry about, now I've only got my grandma on my brain.

** 2020 Update A/N: If you're rereading after I update this I took out the rape scene because it no longer fits Alex's character. I hope everyone is doing well during this quartine. I can't say I am enjoying it, I am missing out on my senior year. Also listening to the same playlists I was when I was 13, so I guess some things never change. Best of luck to everyone, and stay safe! <3 Em