Salvation ( Completed..editing)

- Chapter 42 -

"Dawn he needs you to-"

"Where the hell was he when I needed him? No where huh? Fuck out of here." I got up and took Kieran back from my mother.

"You should hear him out Dawn." My mother stated as I left the living room.

I walked upstairs with the boys and went into my room to burp them both. I couldn't help the tears that were falling from my eyes. All that matters right now is my boys. Anthony will have to find a way to deal with his problems alone. I've tried to be there and now I'm done.

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Anthony

I walked into Dr. Vincent's office for my one on one session of the week. He had this look of defeat on his face which had me worried.

"I guess by the look on your face she said no." I spoke and took a seat.

"Ms. Sanders said she would talk to her but as of now it seems like a dead end." I nodded my head.

"I expected that. I've put her through a lot."

"Let's talk about that. All I head about is how Dawn has been there for you. Tell me how you've been there for her." 

I licked my lips and tried to think about the times I've been there for her. To be honest I really haven't which is fucked up on my behalf. I never really took the time to see that my problems could cause so much hurt to her.

"I haven't."

"Not at all? What about with her pregnancy?"

"I mean I cooked and went to the appointments but that's not my definition of being there for her. I wasn't there for her emotionally, physically, and mentally. I didn't give her the support she needed and love." I confessed.

"Why not?"

I shrugged. "I guess I was too tied up in my own problems and selfishness to care."

"I'm not trying to hear that Anthony. Give me the full run down." Vincent took out two bottles of water and passed me one.

"What you mean by the full run down?"

"Anthony. You've told me time after time that Dawn was the one for you. True love. The woman you wanted to marry. Am I right?" I nodded my head. "So what held you back from giving her your all in return to the all she gave you?"

"When I first got out of jail my main focus was getting revenge an next was her. I wanted to hurt all of those who hurt me and take back all that was mines-"

"We've been over that Anthony. I guess I should say it in this way. Who was the one who you gave your all to that messed it up for the many after?"

"Man no one. The hell are you talking about?" I was becoming frustrated.

"See you do this every time we try to get to the bottom of your problems. Anthony your problems where Dawn is concerned has nothing to do with your bipolar disorder. Until you can see that and understand there is no chance of you and Dawn ever having something real."

"Well I guess we won't have a chance because I never gave my all to anyone." I mumbled.

"Who was she Anthony? Maria? Londyn, Kellena, or China?" I mugged the hell out of him.

"Why we bringing this shit up?"

"Because until you face the truth you will never be able to fully be in a healthy relationship. So which one of them did it."

"Neither." I chuckled.

"Anthony this session is going no-"

"Alecia."

"Who?"

"You heard me. Her name was Alecia."

"You've never discussed a Alecia. Who is she?"

"Although it sound crazy but me and Alecia was together around the same time I was with Maria and also Kellena. She went to another school and live on a different side of town. It took me almost five months just to get her to go on a date with me." I laughed.

Alecia was a hard catch. I meant that she was going to be mines and I did everything in my power to make that possible. Everything I gave was not enough in the end.

"So what happened?"

"Alecia and I got close and I mean real close. I was ready to give up everything and everyone I was seeing to make things official. I actually saw a future with her. So I started to do right by breaking things off slowly with the other females I was involved with. She found out I was cheating and broke things off but that was after she cheated on me out of revenge. I remember that day because the way her voice cracked and the hurt in her eyes haunt me to this day. When I look back at everything she gave me and did for me I can see the true love she had. Everything was unconditional and real but I treated it like a game."

"Okay. How did that change your view on things?"

"I had already fallen in love with her so to see the hurt I caused and feel the hurt of her cheating put me in the place I am now. Then I moved on to China who aborted my baby and Kellena who got me locked up, took my all, and had a baby by another nigga. Why give my all when the end result is being hurt in the end?"

"You think Dawn will hurt you in the end? How so?"

I bit my lip and tried to find a answer but not one came to my mind. Dawn has never tried to hurt me and that was something I was just realizing. 

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| Happy Thanksgiving!

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|  I did not proof read. Enjoy!

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A'shayela