Strings Attached

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Right now, though, the sun was not shining, and the clouds seemed to have faded away from the sky that was my life. My life was like a sky with no clouds and no sun: empty and pointless.

***

Three days later, the funeral took place.

My mom arranged everything, and I loved her for trying, but I still did not like her choice to bury Teddy next to his stupid, ungrateful mother.

"It's not okay, Mom," I had told my mom as she was arranging the funeral.

"She was his mom, baby," explained Mom kindly.

I gritted my teeth. "She was the cause of his death," I said angrily. "Nothing would have happened if she hadn't come back. Things were perfect the way they were before she came."

Mom sighed. "I know she made mistakes, sweetie, but don't we all?'

I frowned. "We haven't caused any deaths."

"Neither has she," said Mom sadly. "What happened is a tragedy, Tina, I know, but you need to forgive Brittany. Theo forgave her, so why can't you?"

I sighed. "Teddy was kind, Mom," I said. "He was way too kind not to forgive her, but I... I have never been that kind. I wish I were as caring as Teddy was, but I'm not, and I don't think I ever will..."

Mom smiled a little and wrapped her arms around me. "You're also caring, baby. You just care in a different way."

I allowed the tears to fall freely down my cheeks. "I loved him, Mom... I still do... I love him so damn much..."

"I know, baby. We all do," she said.

"I love him so much it hurts," I said, crying.

"I know you do, baby."

It was true. I meant every word. I had loved Teddy to death, and no one could ever take away that love from me.

The day of the funeral was very dull, and it was no surprise that Henry, Louise, and I were very lugubrious.

Henry and Louise tried their best to make me feel better, but there was nothing that could make the pain go away.

I just wanted to leave. I wanted to go to my room and cry myself to sleep, like I had done the past nights. I just wanted to stop pretending that I was okay when I surely was not, and I did not feel like seeing Teddy's corpse again. I had already seen it, and I did not want to see it once more. It had not been a pretty sight at all, and it had made the pain even more intense.

Henry and Mom said some words in his honor, but I honestly did not hear them at all. I was too busy thinking about Teddy and everything we had ever done together. We had been together for almost seven months, and even if they do not sound like a lot, they seemed like a lifetime to me. Teddy had that effect on me. I felt like I had known him since forever.

I took a deep breath. So many things had happened in so little time. I had met a green-haired boy who was obsessed with wires. I had fallen in love with him. I had been with him for a brief amount of time, but those days with him were the happiest days of my life. I had lost him, and I would never get him back.

I had loved and lost, and though many people argue that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, in that moment I begged to differ. I was not so sure that the love I had felt for him made up for the pain that I was feeling, but as I look back, I realize that it all was worth it.

If I could choose between never having met Teddy and having met him and have things turn out the way they did, I would have chosen the latter. I would have chosen to meet him and go through all that I had to go through because the memory of Teddy alone was what would make me feel better when times were dark.