Strings Attached

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"Teddy," I whispered as soon as I saw him.

It was a shocking sight, really. He did not look as if he were dead. He looked as if he were the same Teddy, as if he still were alive.

If the doctor had not told me that he was dead, I would have believed he was sleeping. I would have hoped he was sleeping. I would have wished for him to be sleeping, but if every wish we made came true, then there would be no misery in this world.

I was slowly falling apart. My heart was beating uncontrollably fast, and tears would not stop running down my cheeks.

This could not be possible. Teddy, my Teddy, could not be dead. I tried not to fall apart, but it was impossible not to. How could I not fall apart when the boy I loved had just left this world?

He hasn't really left, I thought. He is still here physically. His body is still here. What left is his essence, his spirit.

Everything that makes a person who he or she is had left Teddy's body forever, and he would never get it back.

I fell to my knees and held Teddy's hand tightly, even though it was no longer his hand. It could not be his hand anymore because he was not here. This was just his body. This was just a cold body, lying down on a cold tray.

He looked like a species waiting to be experimented upon, like a body waiting to be opened up by doctors so that they could further study the anatomy of the human body.

He was no longer mine to keep, and I knew it. He belonged to the doctors now. His body was not for me to have. Just three weeks back, Teddy had given me his body, his soul, and his being. I had had everything, and I lost it all in a sudden and cruel manner.

Tears streamed down my face as I wrapped my arms around Teddy's body. I wanted to have him, all of him. I wanted him to hold me, to tell me everything would be all right, but I would not feel his arms around me or hear his beautiful voice ever again.

Teddy was gone from this world, and without him everything seemed so pointless.

College seemed pointless. Friendships seemed pointless. Life seemed pointless.

Nothing made sense, and I did not want for anything to make sense. I just wanted for Teddy to come back. I could only dream for the impossible to happen.

The pain was just too much.

I bit my bottom lip and kissed Teddy's forehead gently. I could see a couple of teardrops on Teddy's face, and I immediately understood that they came from my eyes, not his.

He could no longer cry. He could no longer feel.

I kissed his lips swiftly, and I could feel a bitter taste in my mouth. I could feel my heart aching as I thought about how this would be the last kiss that Teddy and I would ever share, and he was not even aware of it.

I thought of wires. I wondered if every wire that joined inside him to make him who he was had been damaged beyond repair. The logical thing was that it was, but somehow, I could not allow myself to think of it. I could only believe that Teddy's wires still worked, and that a part of him was still there. But the truth was that his spirit was gone, and nothing I said or did could ever bring it back to me.

Like a little kid being snatched from his parents, Teddy had been snatched from me. I felt as though something that was rightfully mine had been taken away from me, and the pain was just too much.

I could only close my eyes and wish for a better reality, one where Teddy was still alive, and he and I shared a million more kisses.

I could only wish for a reality where the sun still shone and the clouds still floated peacefully.