Strings Attached

Chapter Five

When Mom first told me that she was pregnant, I remember that I felt an unexplainable amount of happiness. All I could think about was the fact that our little family would be bigger and that I was going to finally have someone with whom I could play.

Learning that Brianna was coming was one of the happiest moments in my life, and no other moment could ever replace it. It was one of those memories that time simply could not erase, and I cherished it because, like every good memory, that moment deserved to be embraced.

I remember that Dad had not seemed as excited as Mom and I were. He had been distant during my mom's pregnancy, and that hurt her greatly. She would accuse Dad of not loving her anymore, and Dad would tell her that she was being a drama queen and that he still loved her. He would tell us that our family would only be happier from that moment on, that nothing would ever cause us to break apart.

That was before Mom knew about Dad's secret affair with Sophia, but years later I understood that Brianna had been conceived as Mom's way to try to cease fire with Dad. She thought that giving Dad another baby would make us grow closer, but it only made Dad grow more distant. Now I understood why he had not been excited at all; Dad had been too busy sleeping around with Sophia to worry about his true family.

"You don't love me anymore, do you?" asked Mom as she wiped away the tears.

Dad simply sighed. "Of course I do, honey."

I had been eavesdropping, and they had not noticed. To this day, I do not think Mom knows that I heard her, and I am very glad for it. If she had known, she would have probably broken down already, and I hated to see her cry. I loved her so much that seeing her cry would make me cry, too, and I hated crying.

I hated to seem vulnerable. I did not want to be the fragile little girl whom everyone pitied. I wanted to be strong because that was what my mom and Brianna needed.

"You don't seem to," Mom continued. "When was the last time you stayed home for more than an hour?"

"I need to work," Dad said.

Mom's voice trembled as she said, "This baby will grow up without a father."

"She won't," Dad promised. "I will stay home more often once she is born."

Of course that had been a lie, just like everything Dad ever said. He had promised the world to us, but he had not even given us a part of it. Dad had only given us darkness and pain.

Dad had only brought misery to our lives. He had abandoned us. We were never his first choice, were never his priority. He had made it very clear that we meant nothing to him, and I hated him for that. But I hated myself even more for caring so much.

***

I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling torn. Sometimes, instead of dreaming, memories from my past would haunt me, and I hated it. Most of them were about Dad's departure, but every now and then they were about more significant events in my life.

This time I had dreamt about how life had been the months prior to Brianna's birth.

I could not sleep anymore. Just thinking about Dad made my insides roar with anger. I knew I had to get over it, but I simply could not. All I wanted to do was forget all about it, but that was not possible.

I got up and tried not to wake Brianna up. I decided to take a walk around the house to try to keep Dad out of my mind.

I needed to distract myself.

After walking out of the room, I realized that the only way to distract myself would be to leave the house. Being inside it made me remember Dad even more. Seeing old family pictures and furniture that Mom and Dad had bought together made me think about Dad and Sophia taking family pictures and buying new furniture together, and that made me feel sick.