Strings Attached

Chapter Nineteen

As soon as we got back, Teddy and I stood outside for a while, staring at the sky. I wanted to ask him what would happen with us. I wanted to ask him what we were going to do about our confessions, but I did not know how to do so. Every time I looked at him, I would only remember the kiss and blush. I still could not believe it had actually happened.

I finally sighed and turned to see Teddy.

"Teddy," I said.

He turned to see me and sighed. "Yes?"

"What are we?" I asked, lowering my face.

Teddy sighed once more. "I was afraid you'd ask that," he said.

I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces, but I simply nodded.

"So you're one of those guys," I said coldly, pretending I did not care, when I was actually dying inside.

"What guys?" he asked, confused.

"The ones who kiss you and then deny it ever happened," I said, shrugging.

"No, no, Chris. Not at all," he said, staring firmly into my eyes. "I would never deny something like that."

"Then, what is it? Why are you so afraid of my asking what we are?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I..." He sighed. "I got a little bit carried away back there."

I rolled my eyes, but my heart was hurting so badly that I wanted to cry. "Let me guess: it was a mistake."

He lowered his face. "It's not what you think," he said. He turned to see the sky and shook his head. "I just mess everything up all the time. I told myself I wouldn't risk it. I told myself I wouldn't kiss you because I didn't want to lose you, but I... You looked so beautiful, and I... I couldn't help myself..."

My expression softened a little bit. "But what's the matter? I thought you had feelings for me, too," I said.

"I do, Chris," he said, turning to see me with that constant sadness of his. "Heck, I do. But I don't want to drag you into my messy life."

"But you already did," I whispered. "I won't back away now. How could I? How could I ever walk away when I'm..."

I did not finish the sentence because I knew it was true, and it scared me.

I was going to say, How could I ever walk away when I'm starting to fall for you?

I did not want to scare him away, though, so I remained silent.

"Chris," he whispered. "You are the most amazing girl I've ever met, but... I have problems. I need to find my mom. I need to know if she's okay. I just... I don't know if I'm ready to be in a relationship... There is so much going on in my life that I would be selfish to drag you into it..."

"But I want to be dragged into it," I muttered, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly. "I want to be with you. I want to help you. You cannot keep me from helping you!"

"I know I can't," he said, turning to see the sky once more. "But I don't want to be romantically involved with you because I know it will end up hurting."

"Sometimes love is worth the pain," I whispered.

He turned to see me and smiled sadly. "I just need a friend right now, Chris," he said. "I just... Gosh, everything was perfect the way it was. Having you as a friend didn't make things as complicated as they are now... I knew I should've resisted the urge to kiss you, but I just wasn't strong enough... I never am."

His eyes filled with tears, and any trace of anger that I was feeling disappeared right then. I only wanted him to smile again. I did not want him to feel sad. I only wanted for him to be happy, and there was no way I was going to make him any more miserable than he already was.