Strings Attached

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I was numb.

When I woke up and the first thought that hit my head was that Teddy was still at the hospital, fighting for his life, all I could feel was numbness inside. My arms would not react. My legs would not react. Only my heart showed any signals of life, with its constant beating.

Only a tiny part of me was awake. The rest of me was still sleeping, still dreaming about Teddy and his beautiful smile. That part of me was the only one that kept me from dying right then and there. There was still a glint of hope inside me that would not allow me to give up just yet.

Three weeks had passed by. Three painful weeks in which Teddy had not opened his eyes, and the doctor could not tell whether he was going to wake up or not. He was not positive. He said only a miracle would save Teddy, and I was praying for that miracle to happen every night.

I did not want to lose hope. Maybe a miracle would save Teddy. Maybe our love was more powerful than this. Maybe Teddy was not destined to die. Maybe he was destined to live many years more, and he and I would be happily ever after, and nothing would go wrong ever again. Maybe only happy days lay ahead of us, but we had to go through pain before them.

All these thoughts were what kept me from falling apart. All these thoughts and my family and friends' support were what kept me going. Mom, Brianna, Louise, and Henry would constantly tell me that Teddy would be okay. They were constantly telling me that I did not need to worry about anything at all.

These past three weeks had been a total nightmare. I would only remember that I was alive because my heart was still beating, and my lungs were still receiving oxygen and making me breathe. Those were the only two reminders that I was not dead. The rest of my life appeared to be an illusion; it appeared as distant as a dream.

I could not distinguish reality from fantasy. Every now and then, I would imagine seeing Teddy. I would imagine him right in front of me, smiling. I would imagine his kissing me, and I could swear that I felt his lips against mine. The warmth of his lips on mine would allow me to relax, and I would close my eyes to fully enjoy the kiss, but when I opened them, I would feel nothing. Teddy would be gone, and all that would remain were pain and misery.

I visited him every single day, but every day he looked worse. His skin was paler every time, and his lips were starting to turn purple, as if he were no longer alive. But I knew Teddy was still alive. The doctor had told me so.

The day before the three weeks were completed, I had visited Teddy feeling a bit more hopeful. I visited him and held his hand for almost twenty minutes. That was as much as my heart could take.

"The doctor said maybe talking to you would help, Teddy," I had said as tears started to form in my eyes. "But I told him it was not necessary because you're a warrior, and you're fighting as hard as you can."

I smiled a little. "He insisted, though. He told me hearing my voice could help you fight." I sighed. "Gosh, he can be a pain in the ass sometimes, Teddy. You're lucky you don't have to deal with him."

I could feel my chest tightening. "No, but really." I took a deep breath. "You need to wake up, Teddy. We need you here... I don't know what I would do if you didn't wake up, Teddy Bear. I would simply not be able to carry on... My life would make no sense without you. You and I are connected, Teddy. Remember that.

"I understand what you said about wires. I understand why you love them so much, Teddy, because in this moment, I think I love them, too. I love everything you love, and I love all of you. No tragedy can change how I feel about you. My love for you only grows stronger each day, and I need you to know that. I need you to know that you're not fighting this battle alone. We are fighting it together."