Strings Attached

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I wanted so badly to believe them. I wanted so badly to think that Teddy would be okay and soon he would be back to normal. I wanted so badly to hope for the best, but I knew that the best thing to do was to expect the worst.

***

I could not sleep well that night. My mom insisted that we went home, and I would have refused, but I was very tired and needed to rest so that I could have energy to visit Teddy the next day.

"Try to get some sleep, baby. We'll go to the hospital tomorrow as early as we can," said Mom, tucking me in my bed, just like she used to do when I was little.

I nodded, and Mon left my room, leaving me by myself.

I felt as though I were in a purgatory. I did not know whether Teddy would wake up or not, and it was a terrible feeling.

I was really trying to sleep, but I could not. Just thinking about the fact that just last night I had shared that bed with Teddy made me want to cry all over again. We had not only shared the bed. We had also shared our souls. We had been connected by something so powerful that we could not even explain.

I closed my eyes and prayed to God that Teddy would wake up. I begged Him to save Teddy. I begged Him to take me instead. I would have given my life just to save Teddy, but I was never given the choice. It was one of those choices that fate makes for us.

I tried my best not to let my fears get the best of me. I tried to reassure myself, to tell myself that everything would be okay and Teddy would wake up, but I was just not fully convinced. I did not really want to get my hopes up.

You have to make it, Teddy, I thought. I don't know what I'll do if you don't make it.

I bit my bottom lip as I thought about Teddy's beautiful voice, telling me everything would be fine. I just wanted to kiss him so badly. I was dying to hold his hand and hug him.

I wanted to have Teddy next to me in that moment, to see him smiling and laughing, and most importantly, to see him awake.

I just wanted to think that Teddy would survive. I knew he was strong enough to fight, but I did not think I was. I knew Teddy was one of the bravest and strongest people in the world, but I was not. I was feeling pretty weak in that moment.

I could even feel my hands shaking in fear and worry. I could feel my chest tightening. I could feel all the worry taking over me.

I could not even remember if I had told Teddy that I loved him before he left. I could not remember if I had said it, and it hurt because that could have been the last time that I ever saw him.

I closed my eyes once more and tried to fall asleep, but my incessant thoughts would not let me. I just could not stop worrying about Teddy. Part of me believed he was going to be fine, but another part of me was certain that he was not.

I did not know which part I should listen to. I did not know if it was better to be optimistic or pessimistic in a moment like this.

On the one hand, being pessimistic keeps you from being disappointed if what you wanted to happen does not occur. On the other hand, being optimistic keeps you hopeful, and in a moment like this, hope was the one thing that would help me keep going.

I decided to stop thinking about Teddy, but it was very difficult to do it. I just wanted to forget that anything had happened at all. I wanted to pretend that things were back to normal, or that this was all a bad dream, and I would wake up next to Teddy, and he would hug me when I told him that I was having a nightmare, and then we would kiss.

Unfortunately, I sucked at pretending because reality would sooner or later strike me as suddenly and painfully as a lightning does.

***