Strings Attached

Chapter Twenty

I sighed. "Okay."

"Thank you," he said.

I smiled. "No problem."

Teddy rested his head on the pillow and scooted over so I could rest mine, too. We were both lying on my bed, and he fell asleep shortly afterwards.

I smiled as I saw how innocent and beautiful he looked while sleeping, and then I stood up and kissed his cheek gently.

"Sweet dreams, Teddy Bear," I whispered as I left the room and closed the door behind me.

***

I did not really sleep that night. My thoughts would not let me. I knew I had to stop thinking about Teddy the way I was thinking, but I just could not.

I could perfectly picture everything about Teddy when I closed my eyes. I could picture his smile, his eyes, and his green, beautiful hair. I could even picture his bare chest as I took his shirt off, and that was when I decided to stop my thoughts before they turned into a Fifty Shades of Grey one shot.

I sighed and rested my head on my pillow, turning to see Brianna's window. The moon outside was beautiful, though not complete. I could not help comparing it to Teddy. It was as though he was somehow incomplete, as though a part of him was empty, and I really hated it. A person as beautiful as him did not deserve to be empty inside. He deserved to be full of love and of happiness, but I knew he was not.

Teddy looked happy sometimes, but most of the time the sadness in his eyes was too evident to ignore. I wanted him to know that I wished I could somehow take all that pain away, but I knew better than anyone that pain cannot be taken away from anyone but from the person who caused it. That was the way it had been for me. Once Dad left, neither Brianna nor Mom could fill that hole in my chest that constantly threatened to consume me whole, but the thing was... Teddy was actually starting to fill that hole.

I wished I could fill the hole inside Teddy's heart, too, but I knew he had suffered way more than I had. I actually felt terribly about making a big deal out of Dad's leaving when Teddy had it way worst than that.

I had been moping around my dad's departure for a whole year. I had been complaining that life was not fair and everything sucked, when in reality I was the one who sucked for complaining about something that was so small compared to Teddy's problems.

Teddy had been abandoned twice, and something told me that there was more to his dad than he actually mentioned. I would have never asked about it because I understood how it felt to want to keep things to yourself, but I was still dying to know what had happened between Teddy and his dad.

I could feel tears starting to stream down my face. My heart ached for Teddy. I wanted to keep him from hurting, but nothing I ever said or did would make the pain disappear.

I just wanted to be with Teddy because I wanted to save him the same way he had saved me. I wanted to make him feel the way he made me feel. Before I met him, I did not even appreciate my life, but now I did. Now, the only thing I wanted to do was enjoy life, and I wanted to do it by his side.

I had never felt that way before. I had never thought that way about anyone before. I just wanted to be next to him, to hold him tightly, to kiss his lips. I wanted him to be mine and mine only. I knew I probably did not deserve him, but that did not keep me from dreaming that he and I would someday be together.

I really wanted to fall asleep, but my thoughts would not let me. It was as though both my brain and my heart were determined to remind me how much I wanted to be with Teddy, and the worst part was that he did want to be with me but was too scared to do it.

Teddy had told me that he was afraid I would leave him if I became his girlfriend. He was afraid girlfriends were temporary, but I wanted him to know that in that moment I was willing to permanently be with him. Maybe it was the rush of the moment, and I would eventually snap out of it, but I highly doubted it. I genuinely wanted to be with Teddy more than anything I had ever wanted in my whole life.

I wanted Teddy to know how much he mattered to me. I wanted him to understand that I was willing to do anything just to be with him, just to be able to call him mine.

I wanted to show Teddy how much I cared for him, but he probably would not listen if I told him the many reasons why I wanted to be with him. He thought he was messed up and did not deserve love, but if anyone deserved love, it was Teddy.

I had never met a person as kind and selfless as Teddy, and that made me want to be with him even more, even if that meant running the risk of getting my heart broken. He made the risk worth it. He made everything worth it. I would have taken the risk a million times if he had let me, but I knew he was determined to remain only my friend.

I decided not to do anything that could jeopardize our friendship because I knew Teddy would be willing to leave if he had to, just to keep me away from him. He was selfless like that. He would rather have nowhere to stay if that meant keeping me away from his difficult life.

What Teddy did not realize, though, is that whether he liked it or not, I had already been dragged into his life. I already was a part of it, and I was way too stubborn to simply allow him to leave my life for good.