Strings Attached

Chapter Eight

I still remembered my dad telling me that he could take me shopping if I wanted, and we could talk about boys.

"Mom loves her more," I had once told my dad. "It's obvious!"

I was twelve and Brianna was eight at the time. Mom would always spend time with her, and it hurt me to think that she loved Brianna more than she loved me.

"Bri is just different from you, sweetie," Dad had told me. "She struggles more in school. That's why your mom focuses so much on trying to help her."

"But she forgets about me!" I had exclaimed, tears running down my cheeks.

It was true. I tried my best to get good grades, to behave properly. I tried my best to be the perfect daughter so that Mom would notice me, so that she would ask me to go shopping with her, but she never did. She only asked Brianna. Brianna was my mom's favorite, and it really hurt me to know that.

"She doesn't, sweetie. She and I... we are both very proud of you... of both of you," he had said.

"She doesn't act like she's proud of me," I said, sobbing.

"She is. We both are," he said. Then, he had hugged me, and I had felt better.

That had been before he had started coming late to the house and stopped being the loving father whom he used to be. That had been before his soul had gotten rotten. That was back in the times when my dad and I were inseparable, back in the times when I did not need to wander away from my house to be able to sleep.

I sighed and wiped away the tears that had escaped my eyes.

I caressed the sand with my fingers, feeling its delicate texture. I only wanted for everything to go back to the way it was. I had always felt left out when it came to Mom and Brianna, but now I did not even have my dad to go to. I had no friends, either. I was alone in this world.

Louise was sort of my friend, but not really one. I knew she only considered me an acquaintance.

I just was not the best at making people stay in my life.

Perhaps Theodore had been right, and I pushed people away without even meaning to. Perhaps I was not as strong as I thought I was, and that was why I had no strong bonds with anyone.

Maybe strong bonds were only for strong people. Maybe those who were weak, like me, could never make anybody stay in their lives for long.

I tried not to think about it, but it was very difficult. All I wanted was for someone to understand how painful it was to feel so alone. I wished I were strong enough to tell Mom and Brianna that I really loved them, but I felt left out. I wished I could just get over my dad's leaving and keep moving forward, like most people do.

I wished for many things to happen, but of course none of them did.

***

The next week went by uneventfully, except for the fact that Theodore and I woke up with sunburns on Monday, and every single part of our bodies hurt.

Mom had told us that it was our fault for not having listened when she had told us all to wear sunscreen, but we just shrugged it off and went to school, feeling extremely sore, but not wanting to admit that Mom had been right.

"Seriously, even part of my butt hurts," Theodore said as I drove both of us to school.

"That makes no sense. Your butt was covered by your swimming pants," I told him, rolling my eyes.

"Well, not all of it. I must have fallen asleep with my butt crack showing," he said.

I wrinkled my nose. "That's gross. Get new pants."

"Nah, most girls would probably like them that way," he said.

I frowned. "In your dreams!"

He simply laughed. "Relax. I'm just kidding."

"Too late," I told him. "Now I can't get the picture out of my head."

The rest of the week, as I mentioned before, went by normally, with Theodore sitting with the soccer team guys and the dance girls. Those girls looked as though they were dying to get in his pants, and Theodore seemed oblivious to it all.

"He is cute," Louise said dreamily as we had lunch that Wednesday.

I rolled my eyes. "Are you talking about Theodore? I swear every girl in the dance team seems to like him, too! I mean, what do they see in him?"

I did not mean it, though, because I would understand what any girl would see in him. He was handsome, tall, sweet, smart... He was just too many things, but I could not stand the fact that all girls drooled over him as though he were a god.

"Um, I wasn't talking about him," said Louise with an amused expression in her face. "I was talking about Henry."

I rolled my eyes. "That's even worse! Soccer guys only want one thing, and you know what that is!" I exclaimed.

Louise sighed. "Maybe he is..." She stopped, knowing I would roll my eyes again, which I did.

"What? Different?" I scoffed. "I don't think so."

Louise frowned. "Maybe he is," she said.

I shrugged. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Louise shook her head. "At least he doesn't have green hair," she said.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, confused.

"That should be a warning for you stay away from him, don't you think?" She pointed at Theodore.

I sighed. "See, the thing is... I could not stay away from him, even if I wanted to. He is living in my house and sleeping in my room, for goodness' sake! I could not keep him away even if I really wished to!"

"You could," she said, taking a sip of her juice. "You just don't want to."

I frowned. "I do want to," I said defensively.

She chuckled. "As if! You like him, Christina! It's so obvious!"

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't like him."

"You haven't stopped staring at him since we got here," she said.

I blushed. "I was just... curious... That's all!" I remarked, but I knew it was not true. A part of me wanted to know why the dance girls were so interested in him, but another part of me simply wanted to see him.

"Liar," she said, shaking her head. "You know, maybe I'm kind of pathetic for liking Henry. Maybe he would never like me back, but... At least I'm not lying to myself. At least I admit that I like him."

"Good for you," I said.

"What I mean, girl, is that you should admit that you like the guy. You can't fool yourself."

That reminded me of Theodore's saying that I could not lie to myself forever, but I decided to ignore it.

I did not like Theodore. I could not like him. I was not going to admit to something that was not true.

"I don't like him," I said finally.

Louise sighed and shook her head. "Whatever you say, girl, whatever you say."