Strings Attached

Chapter Six

It was true. My biggest fear had always been to be abandoned by those whom I loved the most.

What if one day Brianna and Mom left me, just like Dad had done? What if they got tired of my moody, stupid self?

I tried to change. I really did, but I never appeared to be good enough to anyone, and maybe Mom and Brianna would someday realize it and leave me, too.

I did not know why I felt like I could trust Theodore with one of my deepest secrets. I just did. I knew he would not make fun of me or tell me how sorry he was that I felt that way. I knew that he would only do what I had wanted for everyone to do: listen.

Theodore was a good listener, and that was why I liked to talk to him. He would listen, and that was what I needed for someone to do in that moment: to simply listen.

Theodore stared at me with sadness in his eyes, as though he deeply felt what I felt. Perhaps he knew the feeling of being constantly scared to be alone. Perhaps he knew what it was like to be alone.

Whatever it was, I knew Theodore understood how I felt. The sadness in his grey eyes told me that much.

"That won't ever happen," he muttered. "Your mom and sister love you so much. They'd never leave you."

I tried my best not to cry. I pushed back all the tears that kept threatening to leave my eyes. "You don't know that. No one does."

"I know," he said. "No person in his or her right mind would ever leave someone like you alone."

I nodded. "Thank you." I was able to push the tears back before they left my eyes.

"Anytime," he said, smiling.

I instantly felt anger inside me. I hated to seem weak in front of people, and that included Theodore. I had done what I had promised myself I would never do. I had confessed one of my biggest fears, even when that meant looking like a coward.

I did not want for others to see me as weak, so I immediately tried my best to cover the pain that resided inside my heart, that same pain that sometimes would not allow me to sleep, would not allow my heart to fully rest.

"Whatever," I said, shrugging. "It's just a silly fear of mine."

"It's not silly," he said, patting me on the back.

I could not help feeling stupid and pathetic. Why had I told him one of my deepest secrets? I did not really know him. I kind of trusted the guy, but it was very stupid of me to do so. I should have known better than to confess my fears to a guy I had just met. He had earned my trust easily, but it was not smart of me to trust people as easily I had trusted him.

I decided that I would no longer tell him anything about me, or at least not anything too personal. Theodore should simply not be trusted anymore because trusting people means giving them the tools to hurt you more easily; it means allowing others to use what they know about you against you. I needed to keep my feelings to myself if I wanted to not be hurt ever again.

"Do you think this fear has anything to do with your dad?" he asked.

I felt my insides exploding with anger. How did he know about Dad? I had not told him anything.

Had Mom told him? What had she told him exactly? Did he see us as some pathetic, abandoned family?

"How do you know about Dad?" I asked.

Theodore sighed. "Your mother told me everything," he explained.

I could not help feeling angry. Why would Mom tell him? Why would she tell him that my dad had been a selfish jerk who decided he was better off without us? Why would she tell Theodore about the person who had hurt us the most in our entire lives?