Starkit's Prophecy REWRITTEN

Chapter 24: The Narrator Loses It

The (Lack of Intelligence)

The StarClan warriors started attacking the camp! And Firestar was leading the attack even though he hadn't been standing with them and wasn't even part of ThunderClan anymore!

The camp was suddenly filled with yowls. Starkit didn't know what to make of this. It was all so confusing! A warrior ran up to her and she clawed him, trying to protect herself. Apparently the newborn kit had been born with superb fighting abilities, because blood poured out of the shoulder wound she'd given the cat and he ran away, screaming in pain.

I can fight! Starkit thought. She jumped at another cat, causing him to fall backwards and die. She was good at this! But how did she know how to fight? It was a mystery! The narrator stopped watching the fight to bang her ginger head against a tree, not being able to handle the utter ridiculousness of this story.

A large warrior came up to Starkit. He was very big and the tiny kit was afraid. She didn't know if she could fight a cat like him, and she shouldn't be able to fight him. She is, after all, a FLIPPIN' NEWBORN KIT. The warrior clawed her and blood came out of her ear. Ouch! she thought. She was mad now. Anger burned in her chest. Starkit clawed the warrior as hard as she could and heard him yowl in pain. She then bit his throat and blood poured out. The tom choked and then he died. Starkit is a newborn kit, and she's already killed TWO FLIPPIN' GROWN WARRIORS. A FLIPPIN' NEWBORN KIT KILLED TWO FLIPPIN' FULL GROWN CATS ALL BY HER FLIPPIN' SELF.

*Pretty music plays*

We're sorry to interrupt the story, but the narrator is experiencing...technical difficulties. While we wait for the narrator to calm down, please enjoy these important messages:

Do you like prune juice? Do you like feeling young? Then drink Ashfoot's Prune Juice! Drink Ashfoot's Prune Juice and you'll feel like a young warrior again in no time! Warning: drinking eighty-six glasses of prune juice a day may cause prune-sickness, watery eyes, inability to control temper, and psychotic meltdowns. Contact your local medicine cat before consuming prune juice. Ashfoot cannot be held legally responsible for any prune juice-related issues.

Are you angry at your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend? Do wish for them to suffer for the pain they caused you? Contact Tigerstar's Mate Removal. Tigerstar's Mate Removal will take care of all your mate-removing needs. Tigerstar will personally make sure your ex ends up in the Dark Forest, right where she deserves. That's right, Ashfur. It's time for you to call Tigerstar's Mate Removal! Call today!

We'll now be returning to the scheduled program. Thank you for enjoying these important messages.

*Pretty music ends*

Starkit looked up just in time to see more StarClan cats coming into the camp, and they were bringing WindClan cats with them! Bluestar, Whitestorm, Yellowfang, Spottedleaf, and Blackstar had brought Crowfeather and Eaglewing for help!

Starkit watched helplessly as the StarClan cats drove the Dark Forests villains from ThunderClan's camp. But there was a noise behind her. It was Tigerstar- a cat who had been killed in a previous chapter!

"No!" he howled. "I can't let you win!"

The tabby villain attacked Bluestar, but she gave him deep scratches and he died. Again.

"No!" cried Hollyleaf, seeing her friend dead. Her green eyes were filled with pain. Tigerstar had helped the black she-cat and Tiggerstar plan the attack on ThunderClan! Without him there was nothing left to fight for. She and Tiggerstar fled, knowing they'd been beaten.

"Oh no! Starkit's hurt!" someone who isn't important enough to name said. "She needs to be treated!"

Starkit wasn't as hurt as some of her Clanmates, but she was the most important, beautiful, sweet, amazing, talented, and perfect cat in the Clan. She deserved to be treated first, ahead of all the seriously injured cats. She was special. Who cares if anyone else in the Clan died? ThunderClan needed Starkit to live!

After Jayfeather had treated her, someone else not important enough to name meowed, "Starkit's parents are gone. Who will raise her now?"

"We'll do it," said a cat.

Starkit turned toward the voice. It was Lakepool! Lakepool and Redpaw were going to raise her! Redpaw hadn't even been made a warrior yet, and she was going to be a mother!

The purple protagonist lifted her head to the sky and let out a terrible wail. "Noooooo!"

(A/N: I am sorry for the...break in character. The narrator apologizes. The narrator has a headache. The narrator is now going to bang her head on her desk and wonder why she decided fixing this story was a good idea.)