Toddlers Until Teenagers

Chapter 43

But then how would have I stormed off, if it weren't for the beach? How would me and Alex confess our feelings to each other if our story wasn't right from the start?

It feels amazing, this love. Lustful, romantic, loyal. It's something I know that will last forever. I don't know about him, but I want to grow old with this person. Because he's a keeper.

***

"We brought you Timmy's!" Ethan tries to cheer Alex up. Alex had forgotten that Dina died. He forgot, and today he remembered. Wow. Just imagine waking up to call for your mother and then you realize she died, you'll never see her again, you'll never hug her. There won't be any more person to fix your Monday morning problems and mood swings, without your mother.

This is how he feels, and I feel similar. Mother in Tokyo, for business, who has no idea what is crossing my mind and what has happened and how I nearly died.

I feel bad. One part of me screams, to tell her, for gods sake, it will make it better. I believe that side, because I know telling your mom always makes it better.

But lying is more of the best for the both of us. I cannot tell her and make her fall into this deep, big hole of nothing where we search for happiness and we can't find it. Where Ben is at the top and he's bombing the hole lower and lower, until we cannot breathe and the water drowns us all. "Oh, thanks." Alex smiles, but it doesn't dare to reach his dazzling green emeralds.

"No problem. I might be able to sneak in some wine for you, too." Ethan winks. Josh grins, sitting beside me.

"Wouldn't that be nice?" Josh asks.

"Yeah." Alex nods, and I squeeze his hand. "I know what you're going through. Actually, everyone in this room knows it." I declare, and everyone falls silent.

"Except for that nurse." Fiona jokes, looking at the nurse quietly washing her hands in the corner, and fixing shelves and cupboards, lined to perfection as the room smells of bad medicine and strong metal..blood.

    Alex chuckles, and I smile at him. I pass him the bouquet of roses lying in my lap. He grins, wider. "Thank you." He murmurs, and I smile, setting them on his bedside table.

   "I'm thinking of starting university, you know. Finishing my studies. In English and Drama, since I'm not too well at math and I think I want to be either an author, actress, English teacher or drama teacher. It's always been my dream." I tell Alex.

   "I know, Jenna. I know you really well." He smiles knowingly. "And I think that's a really good thing."

    "Thanks. I just want you to get better, though. That would be a good thing." I know I have to give him his space, but I can't even. I can't start to give him space, but I know I have to. I smooth out the creases on my shirt.

   "Well, you seem tired." Fiona queries, and Alex yawns just in time to prove her point. "We  should get going, if you want us to."

   "Oh, yes. You look like you're about to sleep right now. Get some rest, Alex." Ethan nods in his direction, and Alex nods, too, shutting his eyes close.

   "Bye, guys. Thanks for everything." He murmurs. I want to lean in. I want to kiss him like there's no tomorrow, but I won't. And I didn't. I picked up my bag and follow the three other friends I have out of the room.

   ***

       "I think that's too...hot for a wedding." Alex searches for the words, and I laugh, nodding, smoothing out my blue lacy dress. It has a high slit that reaches up to my hip, exposing my leg, and it's pretty much backless.

    I walk back to the changing room, striding, as I'm about to shut the door but a hand shuts it for me, and before I know it, it's dark. I try to scream but a hand clasps my mouth. "Don't struggle, baby doll."

   Then my dream turns into something else.

    "Hey, hey! Let me go! Please!" I shout to Ben, but he is wrapping his hands hard around my waist, grazing my chest with the other one, sloppily kissing my neck, pinning me to the bed.

   "Please, Ben."

    He doesn't stop. He doesn't. He just strips me down, and the cold envelops me, and his body presses against mine, as I feel something being injected into me. Before my eyes close, I see a ginormous needle, my arm, and then the world blurs.

   I try to wriggle free, and then something else comes. But then it fades away, and just like that, I snap my eyes open and find myself breathing hard, sweat seeping through the white sheets on my bed. The sunlight pours into the room, and I breathe slowly, reassuring myself, it was just a nightmare.

   But then I sit up, forgetting. I sit up, waiting for Alex, to come, out of the bathroom. But I realize the door is wide open and there isn't anyone in sight. And then, I realize, that I'm not in the life I was in. I'm not, and my life has moved on, fast. I'll never get back to what I used to have. Ben ruined it all.

    "Jenna!" Someone calls. Fiona, it must be. A knock comes on my door, followed by the doorknob slowly opening. "Jen, honey, get up." Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, as it lets her green eyes shimmer and prominent cheekbones dazzle. If only I was more gorgeous and foxy like her.

   "Jen- wait, Jenna. Are you okay?" She comes near me, her feet padding on the beige carpet, worry lining her features. I simply nod, crawling out of bed, as she wraps her arms around me.
  
   And then I cry. I let the tears out. All of them that have been building up inside of me for the past few weeks, that I haven't let out. I let them free, because if you hold grudges against your feelings, one day, they'll explode in anger, leaving you sobbing, clutching onto dear life.

   "It's okay, okay? It's fine, Jenna. You're okay now, you're with me." Fiona soothes, and I bet she hates me. I wipe the snot away with a tissue from my beside table, and look at her tear streaked tshirt.

   "I'm really sorry, Fi-"

   "Shut up, okay? You're not a pain, you just think you are. You're the sweetest  being ever that has been through everything in life, all in less than a year, but still you're able to get up in the morning and face the day. You're a inspiration, and I'm glad I was able to save you. I love you, okay? Without you in my life I don't even know where I would be by now. Probably dead, over the mourning of my mother alone." She smiles, sadly, and I squeeze her hand. "So get up, and be the inspiration you are. Okay? We're going to have fun, live a normal life, and when you're ready, bring you back into university."

   "Fiona, will you come with me? Will you attend university with me?" I ask, and the gorgeous girl shrugs.

   "If you want me to." I rapidly nod.

   "Good, cause I've always had a thing for acting."

   ***

I ended it on such a sweet note, I know..aww so cute.

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