Spin For You [Peterick]

-14-

I only ever write to you, so what's the fucking point of putting your name at the top of the page.

I can hardly look at you any more, because I know if I do I won't be able to stop looking.

You said you loved her, and I think I died a bit.

You said you loved living with her, that maybe she was the one, that waking up with her next to you was the best thing in the world.

I hate that it's her who makes you feel like that. I hate that it's her that gets to touch you, to kiss you. I hate that after all this time, I'm still this hung up on you. I hate that I hate her so much. I hate me.

But the thought of her hands on you makes me want to rip my eyes out. Because of course, you're sharing a bed. And of course, that means when I'm falling asleep, alone, every night, I can practically hear the bed springs bouncing from three blocks away, and see the sweat glistening on your flustered faces.

It's been a while since I've written one of these. The record is our entire lives at the moment. And hey, you didn't even notice that one of the songs is about your slut of a girlfriend. You assumed it was about someone I'd slept with. Ha. I never 'sleep' with people, I just fuck them in a nightclub bathroom then leave. I wrote a song about that too. You're so stupid.

Even Andy and Joe think so. When you come out with all this stuff about how she's changed you or whatever, we breathe disbelieving little laughs and exchange mocking glances, because you think you're in love.

Well I've got news for you. This is love. Not being able to sleep because the tears keep coming, hating every waking second when the loneliness seeps through you like poison, feeling little pains shoot across your chest when you see that person, feeling a stake through your heart if they're with someone else, devotion, destruction, desperation. This is love. I hate it.

This'll be the last stupid letter I write. I thought they'd help me get over you, but I just got more obsessed. All it is is self-destruction. So I'm going to burn all of them tonight, every last one, to try and send you up in flames too. Then we'll be back to normal. I can focus on the music, and get my life together, and keep my friends. I guess this is it then. Bye.

I hate you. Ihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyou.

I love you.

From Pete.