The Trouble With Goodbye

Chapter Forty-Four

"It makes sense," he says when I'm through explaining the Wrights' plan for me. "Either way, if you decide to speak out against Burke or not, it can only make you look better in the eyes of the press if you have Preston's family there beside you."

I put my head in my hands. "I was sort of hoping you'd tell me I was crazy for even considering it."

I feel lost. Hopeless.

Knox places his hand on my knee and kisses the top of my head. "I just hate that my shitty past is going to make things harder for you," he says. "I wish I could go back and change it, but I can't. And they're right, the press will jump all over you the same way they did with Molly. I don't want to burden you with that."

"I don't know what to do."

"You don't have to make a decision right now, do you?" he asks.

I stand and shake my head. "Yeah, actually I do."

His eyes question me.

"My family has called a press conference for tomorrow on the steps of the courthouse," I say. "I'm to give my official statement to the press."

"Tell them you aren't ready." He stands and paces. "They can't force you to talk. Just tell them you need more time."

I shake my head. "There is no more time," I say. "I got a call from Molly's attorney. He said there is still a chance right now to add me as a second victim. He said something about having to drop the initial case and reinstate the charges, now with these additional charges added on. It was a lot of legal jargon I didn't really understand, but if I'm going to come forward with the truth, I'm running out of time. And if I'm going to deny it, I'd rather just get it over with."

We stand there in silence, the truth of our situation becoming clearer by the second.

"My family wants me to deny everything. They think that if I don't file charges and go through a trial, I'll be able to just move on. And if I show the press I'm happily settled here in Fairhope with my Preston by my side, the public will lose interest in the story and the press will feel obligated to move on rather than provoke a wealthy family like the Wrights."

I rattle off the reasons, thinking out loud.

"But if I tell the truth and decide to move forward with official charges, my family believes it will at least take some of the heat off of us if the Wrights are there to throw their power and influence behind me. Of course, that means I have to be with Preston at least throughout this trial, and you and I won't be able to see each other again."

Knox runs a trembling hand through his hair.

"Or," I turn to him, "I could just say fuck it and let them say what they will about us. About my choices."

He comes to me, his eyes stormy. "I don't ever want to be a source of pain for you," he says. "I love you too much to ask you to do that for me. Think about what that would mean for you. Preston's dad is right. The press will look at you like you're the kind of girl who does reckless things and makes poor choices."

I lean my head against his chest. This is an impossible choice, and I can't see clearly enough to know which way is right. If I say goodbye to him now, when we've just found each other, will I lose him forever?

"Which are you leaning toward?"

I close my eyes. "I don't want to lose you," I say. "Denying everything will get the press off my back sooner and maybe will bring us together faster."

He shakes his head. "But then you've publicly denied he ever did anything to you," he says.

And I love him for understanding. I love him for not being angry at me for considering all options.

He stops pacing and looks at me with such sorrow. "I'm not going to see you again for a while, am I?"

I shake my head, a tear escaping down my cheek.

There are no more words that need to be said between us. No matter what I choose to do tomorrow, this will be our last night together for a very long time. With the emotions of the possible trial and press involvement and the time apart, not even being able to talk, we both know our future is now completely up in the air.

He kisses me, hard and desperate. Together, we fall to our knees, clinging tight to what we have here and now.

I pull his shirt from his body, my fingers digging into his skin. I am desperate for him, but he takes my hands in his. He slows me down.

"I want to make this last," he says.

He turns me around so that my back is pressed against him. He runs his fingertips up my arms and a chill shudders through me. I lean my head to the side and he kisses my neck as his hands explore.

I lift my hand to his neck, then turn back to face him. Our kisses are slow. I take my time tasting him, exploring his tongue with my own. I pull his bottom lip into my mouth, teasing it with my teeth and he groans.

"I love the way you bite your lower lip when you're thinking or worried," I say.

He smiles. "I do that?"

"Mm-hmm." I kiss him again and we go deeper. I run my hand through his hair. His hand caresses the side of my breast and I lean into him, wanting him.

Every piece of me, body and soul, yearns for him.

He makes love to me then, and we savor each moment, knowing it may be our last.