The Trouble With Goodbye

Chapter Forty-Three

I'm in shock. I had no idea he'd been through so much.

"What happened to her?"

"She was eventually convicted of voluntary manslaughter," he says. "His abusive behavior became the centerpiece of the trial. The jury believed she was abused, but they couldn't overlook the fact that she'd planned the whole thing in such detail. When he left for work earlier that morning, she sent the kids to her sister's and moved his favorite recliner right in front of the door, where she could have a clean shot. Then she started drinking vodka and popping Xanax until he walked in the door at six that evening. She shot him five times before he even made it across the threshold. A neighbor heard the shots and called the cops, but by the time the paramedics arrived, he was already dead."

"What about the twins?"

"They went to live with her sister's family," he says. "I try to go up and see them when I can, but they were so young when this all went down, they don't really remember me or our father."

I stare ahead, my face blank. I can't even imagine how hard this all must have been on Knox. To go from a life where he was happy with his mom to having to deal with an abusive father, being thrown in jail for something he didn't even do, and then finally to have his father murdered and his step-mother thrown in jail? It's just too much.

I lean against him and kiss the bare skin on his arm just below where his t-shirt sleeve hits. His muscle is tight and I feel it ripple beneath my hand. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he says. "I've had years to deal with it all. I honestly thought I'd left it all behind me when I moved here. Knowing it could mess things up for you makes me angry all over again."

I close my eyes and pull him closer to me. I'm caught between two paths, and I have no idea what to do. "If I come forward and tell the truth about what happened to me, there's a better chance he'll actually go to jail for what he did," I say. "But adding my name to the trial could push it back months. Maybe years. I have no idea. In the meantime, the press is going to be looking for juicy stories to splatter all over the front pages and if you and I spend any time together at all, they're going to find out about your past."

He rests his chin on top of my head. Our arms are wrapped around each other.

"If I stay quiet or even deny it outright and decide to let it go, we can move on with our lives."

"But Molly Johnson might lose her case against him and he'll be free to keep doing this to other women."

"Yes," I say, my voice a whisper.

He holds me tight for a long time before we part. "What do you want to do? I'm going to support whatever decision you make," he says. "I love you, no matter what."

"I want you," I say. I bury my face in his chest. "But at the same time, I don't know if I can stand up there and lie about this. If I say nothing happened that night, I'm betraying myself in a way. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get over that."

"Then you have to speak up," he says. He puts his hand under my chin and lifts my eyes to him. "You have to let your voice be heard."

"I don't want to lose you," I say, my lip trembling.

"You won't," he says. "I'll wait for you, as long as it takes. We'll get through this."

Tears well up in my eyes and he frowns.

"What? Is there something else?"

"Sit down," I say, pulling him to the couch.

He sits next to me, his hand in mine, and I tell him about Preston.