next door » joshler [book #1]

forty nine » gabe saporta is my daddy

waking up is the worst part of going to sleep.

waking up with a hangover is the worst part of being drunk.

tyler groans as he notices the vile taste at the back of his throat. so he had thrown up earlier.

through clouded thoughts, he remembers trying to make out with ryan.

"fuck," he whines again, running a hand through his hair. it's getting fluffy. he needs a haircut.

"you're awake." ryan's leaning in the doorway. he looks cleaned up and he's smiling softly. "how'd you sleep?"

tyler scowls at him. "would've been better if i'd woken up with someone next to me."

"whoa, getting a bit too sex addicted there, buddy," ryan grins. and then, quickly forming a frown, "you really need to stop, alright? this isn't healthy."

"i don't give a shit about healthy," tyler spits.

"i do," ryan says softly, "and so does josh."

this sends tyler into a fit of hysterical laughter. "josh! if josh gave a shit about me he would be here, not with mitch. holy shit ryan, that was a good one. you could be a comedian!"

hurt flickers across ryan's face. "you're not in your right mind," he says gently. "josh does care about you. it's just- he can't help it."

tyler sits up, a headache immediately piercing his head. "fuck you, ryan. josh doesn't give a shit about me. and neither do you. so get the fuck out." ryan tries to protest, but tyler is firm despite the splitting pain. "get. out."

-

he wants to kill himself.

yes, he's tried it before. and fuck, he wants- no, he needs- to try it again. this time, though, he'll be successful.

tyler spends a long time sitting in his closet with a notebook, going over ideas.

in the end, he tosses it aside and heads out with the intent to get drunk.

he gets to his usual club and sees brendon sitting there, feet crossed, looking bored. his expression changes as he spots tyler. "ty-guy!" he yells, "you're not doing that today, kid."

tyler stands there silently for a moment, then flips brendon off and gets back in his car, heading to another bar he knows.

his phone is ringing. brendon, probably. tyler glances over at the screen, then back at the road.

the other bar luckily has neither brendon nor ryan. tyler turns his phone off and leaves it in the car, heading inside. smirking.

and he gets drunk. god, he gets so drunk, until he's trying to dance with everyone. and he ends up in the arms of a random guy, and yeah, they end up fucking behind the building, not able to make it to anyone's apartment, and yeah, he takes some more drugs, but who cares? tyler can't think. tyler's mind has shut off. josh? who's josh? no one, that's who.

he keeps drinking.

later that night he finds himself in a taxi with someone else's hands on him, whispering dirty promises in his ear. everything's blurring together again. tyler kisses them and lets their mouth intoxicate him further.

yeah, it's not josh, but it'll do.

who's josh anyway?