next door » joshler [book #1]

twenty nine » memories

truth be told, josh would love to forgive tyler. and he does, sort of. it's hard to stay mad at such a cute face.

but the thing is, he can't, not after what happened last year. or was it two years ago- josh doesn't know. he doesn't want to know, having blocked out most of it. and now, tyler's brought it all up again- and now he's off getting josh food from taco bell, and josh is sitting in their room-

crying.

yep, that's right, josh dun is crying. he's curled up on the bed, trying to stop thinking about- about last year. rubbing his fingers over his cheekbone, recalling a time when the pale skin had been purple and bruised. 

tyler, come home, he begs silently, unwilling to stretch two feet and get his phone. he can't move, anyway. knows that if he moves without permission, he'll be- he'll be punished. tears are pouring down his cheeks, but as long as he remains silent and still, no one can hurt him- but he knows he'll end up moving. he knows he'll end this day with a fresh bruise on his chest, maybe a broken rib. maybe he'll take a shower and his hair will be sticky with blood.

it's happened before.

he hears the door open and instead of relief, he feels terror- terror at that sound. it always meant a new beating, a new bruise. he stays still and frozen, unable to even move his chest to breath. the bedroom door opens.

"josh? are you okay?"

it's tyler. tyler wouldn't hurt him. tyler's good, tyler's safe- josh lets out the breath he's been holding in a shuddering sob, slowly turning to face the boy.

"i'm- i'm okay," he whispers, breath hitching. "just... just thinking."

tyler frowns and sits down next to him, rubbing his head affectionately. "most people don't cry from 'just thinking.' what's wrong?"

at least he understands.

"i was remembering- him," josh manages, "and i heard the door open, and every time that happened i knew it would end in- in me getting hurt. he b-broke my rib once. i was..." and he can't finish the sentence. he's crying.

crying was always a sign of weakness.

stupid, weak josh.

you can't show emotion, you know that. living with tyler has made you soft. you idiot. come back to me, i'll make you strong again. make you learn to take a beating. you're stupid for leaving me, you know that was a mistake.

"he's in my head," josh whispers, "i can hear him, he's telling me to come back. he's..."

"shh, josh," tyler breathes, cradling the boy in his arms. "i've got you. you're here, with me, i love you, and i'd never hurt you."

"do you p-promise?"

"of course."

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