Deadly Affairs- Chapter 5

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                I stood there trying to say something but I couldn’t speak; it was like my throat was closed but even if I could speak I still didn’t know what to say. Kellin was staring at me in shock and I was shocked myself at what I just did. I don’t know why I kissed him, I just did. It felt good even if it was only for a second. It felt amazing but I hated how much I liked it and how much I wanted to do it again. I saw Kellin starting to open his mouth like he was about to say something but I just turned around and started walking back to my house. I didn’t even look back to see if he was still standing there or following me or even walking away, I just kept walking. When I got to my house and opened the door I saw that Justin was still here. I totally forgot that he was here after what just happened and quite frankly I didn’t want him here anymore. I didn’t want anyone here; I just wanted to be left alone.

“I think you should go.” I said with this blank look on my face walking in the living room and turning off the T.V.

“Is everything okay?” He asked with this concerned look on his face.

“Yeah, I just think you should go.” I answered walking back to the front door, opening it and waiting for him to get up and leave.

“Okay… I’ll uh… see you at work.” He said as he walked past me, I nodded my head and closed the door. I walked to the bathroom and turned on the water then put my hands under the water cupping my hands together then splashed some water on my face. I gripped my hands on the edge of the bathroom counter and held my head over the sink letting the water drip off my face into the sink. I was so confused and had so many thoughts running through my head that It felt like I could actually feel my brain throbbing. I decided that I would just try to sort out everything that was going on in my head in the morning.

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I woke up at 11am and the first thing that pops in my head is the kiss between Kellin and I. I laid in my bed and kept replaying the kiss over and over; it started to feel like I could actually feel the kiss happening. I shook the thought from my mind and got out bed then headed to the kitchen and brewed a cup of coffee. As I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch with my coffee in one hand, I reached for the remote with the other hand. Just as I was about to turn on the T.V. someone knocked on the door, making me freeze in place. It could only be two people, Kellin or Justin. I didn’t want to see Justin and I really didn’t want to see Kellin right now, I didn’t want to see anyone. I just wanted to be alone so I could sort out these thoughts and weird feelings I’m having but then there came another knock at the door. I slowly got up and walked quietly to the door and looked out the peephole and saw Kellin. Just my luck. I wasn’t going to open the door but I just kept staring at him through the peephole, I couldn’t stop staring at him.

“Vic.” He said knocking on the door again. “I know you’re here.. Come on. Open the door... Let’s just talk about this.” He began to knock again. “Look I’m sorry for acting weird last night, okay?” he said and I could hear the pleading in his voice but I still didn’t open the door. I saw him turn around and begin to leave, I watched him until I couldn’t see him anymore. I went back in the living room, turned on the T.V. and drank my coffee. I tried watching some T.V. but I couldn’t stop thinking about Kellin. I actually felt guilty for not opening the door. I could hear the begging tone in his voice and I still didn’t open it and he probably feels bad for the way he acted last night when I could care less about how he acted last night, it was about how I acted. How I kissed him and couldn’t stop thinking about his soft, warm lips and how I wanted them on my lips so badly again. I was avoiding him because of that. I didn’t want him feeling guilty but I couldn’t open the door. He just makes me a total different person. I was going to kill him instead I saved him. I hate being touched but I let him hold my hand and I kissed him. I hate being around people but I’ve let him stay at my house every night since the day we met. Before him I would’ve never done any of these things. I mean I’ve had a boyfriend before him and I never let him stay over every night consistently, I didn’t even let him stay over for more than 3 nights a week. I really didn’t let him touch me or kiss me, just when I wanted to and that was when I was drunk or horny. It scares me to know how much I like him. Or at least I think I like him... It feels like I do.. I don’t know.. It’s very confusing.

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