My Androgynous (girlxgirl)

Chapter 23

Lexi

I stared at Ash.

It's been five fucking minutes and she's still not talking to me. I'm starting to lose my patience if I'm being honest.

"Well?" I prompted.

Nag iwas na naman siya ng tingin at napa-buntong hininga na ako sa inis.

Fuck it.

"Kapag hindi ka pa nagsalita, Ashley masasapok na ki--"

"I made out with Sugar," mabilis na sabi ni Ash.

Silence.

I can't even fucking hear her. I mean, I must've heard her wrong.

"What? You're kidding, right?" tumawa ako ng mahina at nahampas siya sa braso.

"I mean, kakasabi ko pa lang na exclusive tayo sa isa't isa tapos wala pang 48 hours nakikipag halikan ka na sa iba. Haha! Joke ba iyan? Hindi kasi ako natatawa eh," sabi ko at tumawa ng pilit.

I looked at her expectantly.

Silence.

"Well?" I asked again.

Ash was biting her lips so hard, I think I saw blood. Her eyes were wide and she kept drumming her fingers onto the bedsheets.

The grin was wiped away from my face when I realized she was not kidding.

My heart started beating so fast and my ears were buzzing. My face also felt so hot and I can't fucking move.

It felt like years when I finally heard Ash talk.

"Say something, please," her voice cracked at the end when she said that but I didn't think I noticed.

I was just staring at her blankly.

She tried to move closer to me but automatically stopped when she saw the look on my face.

I don't even know what I look like because I can't feel my face.

What was I thinking? Ashley fucking Verde? Once a player, always a fucking player.

Of course, I cannot tame her and I wasn't trying to. I just thought that she'd let me know when she doesn't want me anymore.

I can't keep her to myself. That's just the way she is.

I stared at her for seconds. I can't feel anything to be honest. I'm not angry or hurt.

I think I'm numb.

"It's okay, Ash. I understand" I told her reassuringly.

She looked confused. "Really? I mean, I did not mean for that to happen. I was just so frustrated from earlier and then out of nowhere, she straddled me and begged me to fuck her. I tried--"

"I said it's okay," I said in a clipped tone.

Ash move closely to me and I let her hold my hand.

"You forgive me?" she asked in a tiny voice.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I've always expected this from you. You can't be faithful to me, we both know that," I laughed quietly and retracted my hand.

I looked into her eyes and I can see that she was hurt.

I couldn't care less. I don't give a fuck.

"You can go now, Ash. I'm really not in the mood." Pagtataboy ko sa kaniya.

"But, I haven't explained myself yet, I--"

"What is there to explain? We agreed that we're exclusive, right? You were sexually frustrated and pissed and here comes a tramp trying to snog you and you couldn't resist even if you fucking tried. Just -- go away, Ash." Tinulak ko siya at tumayo sa kama.

"Babe, listen to me. I didn't want to hurt you, believe me--"

"Hurt me? Are you fucking kidding me, you little shit? You couldn't hurt me even if you died trying." I scoffed at that and looked at her like she's a joke.

"I get it that you're mad--"

"I'm not mad!" I shouted at her.

Silence.

"Okay. I'm a bit angry but only because you can't get it through your head that I understand, alright?" Hinihingal kong sabi.

"Look, I tried to keep you for myself. I'm selfish like that and as you can see, I failed." I laughed bitterly.

We're inches away from each other and I'm praying to God that my mother is not downstairs.

"Just get the fuck away from me, Ashley. I'm this close to breaking all the things in my room, so please get out," pinag dikit ko pa ang hintuturo ko at hinlalaki to emphasize my point.

Ashley's shoulders sagged and she looked at the floor. After a few seconds, she looked at me pleadingly.

"Lex, I don't want to lose you. Please, forgive me. I'll do anything--"

"Ashley."

She sighed and went to the door.

"We'll talk tomorrow, right?" She asked me and she looked scared so I have no choice but to nod. I just want her to leave me the fuck alone.

The door closed and I'm finally alone. I stared at the door for a long time before I slowly walked to my bed.

I hugged myself to sleep.

Only God knows what I'm feeling inside.

♡♡