Reviews

Among The Supernatural for mmoeller0

Summery: Werewolf, OFC friends move from Indiana to England to start a fresh after getting into trouble. I assume they will meet One Direction. 

Good points: Werewolves are always a good point, especially female werewolves, and the plot line looks mysterious and interesting.

Grammatical errors: There are no paragraphs where paragraphs are called for. Erm, the general grammar is really poor in this and it puts me off reading completely, so may I direct you to over here - http://www.wattpad.com/13361730-how-to-write-a-story-grammar-and-spacing#.UaeoJs04uaM You don't want to loose followers over silly mistakes! 

What needs to be improved: There are far too many perspective shifts and authors notes throughout this chapter, it's my biggest pet peeve in writing, it is only ever really appropriate to change perspective when a new chapter begins or if you are writing in omniscient third person. There isn't much detail, I'm not connected emotionally to any of the characters in this story and I have no sense of place. You've hinted on danger but I'm not feeling either scared, excited or anxious for it. Finally, your characters all have very similar names and I'm getting them all muddled up in my head.

How to do this: Change perspective each chapter to allow the reader to know each of your characters, or change the whole piece into third person so that you can be in everyone's mind at once without drawing the readers attention away from the story with pesky author's notes.  

Use the journalistic questions, who, what, when, where and why to create a sense of place, you should also think about what characters can hear, see, touch, taste and smell. Really think about the emotions associated with a location and then write about it. This will give your story more depth. 

Think of some names that don't all end in that ie sound, it creates a confusing mess in your reader's head if all characters names sound the same. 

Hope this helped, your plot line looks very interesting so you shouldn't let yourself be held back by the basics.